In this week’s Marriage Diaries, he talks about marrying a single mum, the boundaries he’s still struggling to accept and why, despite everything, patience has become the hardest part of his marriage.

Got a marriage story to share? Please  and we’ll reach out.

I thought marriage would feel like a romance movie

I was a proper lover boy growing up. I consumed every relationship story I could get my hands on. I was always reading romance novels or watching love stories. I remember being obsessed with soaps like “When You Are Mine” and “The Gardener’s Daughter”. Somewhere along the line, I convinced myself that my own marriage would look like that, too.

Obviously, I knew real life wouldn’t be perfect, but I genuinely believed I’d find my princess and we’d build this beautiful, romantic life together.

That mindset even shaped how I dated. Not to brag, but if you ask any of my exes, they’ll probably tell you I was one of the most romantic men they’d been with. I always believed love deserved effort.

So when I pictured marriage, I pictured a fairytale. Maybe not exactly like the movies, but close enough that I’d spend my life trying to recreate it.

I never imagined I’d marry a single mum

If there’s one thing that has surprised me the most about marriage, it’s my wife.

In every version of my future I imagined growing up, there wasn’t one where I married someone who already had a child or had been married before. But I guess that’s life. You never really know where love will find you.

We attended university together, then lost touch for almost five years before reconnecting. She was just as beautiful as I remembered, and everything happened naturally from there.

I’d seen her son before, but I never asked questions. I suspected he was hers, but I promised myself I’d wait until she was ready to tell me. She eventually did, about a year into our relationship.

By then, my feelings were already too deep for it to change anything. Ironically, accepting it myself turned out to be the easy part.

My family almost convinced me to walk away

The real doubts started when I introduced her to my family. My parents liked everything about her until my mum found out she already had a child. It was almost like someone flipped a switch. Suddenly, there were endless reasons why I shouldn’t continue. According to my mum, I deserved someone without any “history.”

If I’m being honest, a small part of me understood where she was coming from. Then, just as wedding preparations had begun, my wife’s son’s father suddenly returned from abroad after years away and wanted to be an active father again.

That complicated everything. I found myself wondering whether I was really ready for the kind of marriage I was walking into. It wasn’t just about marrying the woman I loved anymore. It also meant accepting that another man would always have a place in our lives because of their child.

In the end, love won because I chose her anyway.

Learning to share fatherhood has been my hardest lesson

Nobody prepared me for what it actually means to marry someone who already has a child.

My stepson lives with us, and I genuinely love him. Somewhere along the way, he stopped feeling like “my wife’s son” and simply became my son too. But loving him hasn’t removed the complicated parts.

His biological father still comes to our house to pick him up sometimes, and I’ve never been comfortable with that. Personally, I don’t think he should even know where we live.

The one time I raised it with my wife, it became a serious argument. Afterwards, I kept wondering whether I was being unreasonable or simply protecting my own peace.

The difficult thing is that I can’t exactly run to my parents for advice because they never supported the marriage in the first place. Sometimes it feels like I’m figuring everything out alone.

And if I’m honest, whenever I have to figure things out by myself, I usually end up choosing the option that makes everyone else comfortable except me.

My stepson’s birthday exposed everything we’d been avoiding

Last year, my stepson turned 10. My wife and I had agreed to organise a small celebration until his father stepped in and insisted on throwing a much bigger party.

The moment that happened, I quietly stepped back. I cancelled the plans I’d already made, bought my stepson a nice gift and some money, and decided I wouldn’t attend the party. My wife was disappointed but respected my decision.

She and my stepson left the day before the party and didn’t return until two days later. By the time they got home, I was angry. I said things I shouldn’t have said. I accused her of taking me for granted and told her that not every man would tolerate everything I’d tolerated.

Looking back, I regret saying those things in front of the child. I apologised later that day because no matter how frustrated I felt, he didn’t deserve to witness that.

Still, the conversation itself needed to happen. I’ve never asked my wife to stop her son’s father from being involved. In fact, people complain every day about absent fathers. If a father genuinely wants to show up for his child, that’s a good thing.

What I’ve struggled with is boundaries. We’re still figuring out what those should look like.

Marriage has taught me patience, even when I don’t feel patient

Marriage has definitely made me a more patient person. I wouldn’t describe my younger self as impatient, but these days I’m much more intentional about processing my emotions before reacting. It’s changed how I deal with people outside my home, too. Situations that would’ve gotten an immediate reaction from me years ago barely get one now.

One thing that hasn’t changed is my romantic side. I still enjoy making my wife feel special. Last Valentine’s Day, I planned a family trip to Ghana. Before we got back, I’d already arranged for a neighbour to receive a giant surprise package and leave it in our house. Watching her open it remains one of my favourite memories from our marriage.

Moments like that remind me why I fell in love with her in the first place. At the same time, I’d be lying if I said I don’t sometimes wonder whether marrying someone with an existing family was the right decision.

If I could advise my younger self today, I’d probably tell him not to go down that path, not because single mothers don’t deserve love, but because relationships like ours come with complications that many people underestimate.

Sometimes those old family ties blur boundaries, even when nobody intends for them to. Maybe I feel this way because my wife and I are still waiting for our own child together. I believe that chapter will change a lot for us.

Until then, I’m choosing to hold on to the part of me that has always believed in love, even when it turns out very differently from the fairytale I imagined growing up.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

Got a marriage story to share? Please  and we’ll reach out.

Dayo* (29) and Tomisin* (27) met in 2022 when a mutual friend connected them. 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about how a failed NYSC posting pushed them together, dealing with uneven efforts from one party, and how a phone screenshot almost ended it all.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Dayo: We met through a mutual friend in 2022. Our mutual friend referred Tomisin to me because I helped people sort out their NYSC postings. 

From her very first message to me, I could tell she was a warm, chatty person. She easily asked questions and made conversation, even though we had never spoken before. It threw me off because I was in professional mode and wasn’t expecting that energy. I actually had to call my mutual friend and ask her, “Does this girl know me from somewhere?” She said no, that’s just how Tomisin is with people. 

Tomisin: I couldn’t tell whether he was being professional or just rude. I was doing my best to be friendly and warm, and he was giving me these flat, one-word responses. Like he was just tolerating the conversation. I didn’t know what to do with that. 

I thought, “Okay, this person is not interested in small talk.”

So I pulled back and just focused on the business at hand. But it was confusing because I’d heard good things about him from our mutual friend, and the energy did not match.

Screaming. But how did the posting conversation go?

Dayo: It was a disaster, which had never happened to me before. My plug failed, and Tomisin was sent to Edo for camp. She’d been specific about wanting Lagos, and I gave her my word because I always had a 95% success rate. 

Tomisin: I was devastated. I cried and sent him a heated voice note. My mum was also upset, and she sent him a voice note when he didn’t pick up our calls. It was a whole thing because this was not what we agreed on. He had assured me that everything was taken care of, and that I’d be serving in Lagos like I wanted.

Dayo: This was the first time my plug had failed me. I didn’t even know what to do, and her mum’s voice note made it worse. She wasn’t even angry. She just sounded really hurt, like I’d intentionally put her daughter in harm’s way. 

I explained that I would get her redeployed after camp, but she was already in tears. So I went to her house to meet her and her parents in person. I sat down with them, apologised properly, and promised that the redeployment would happen. Then, on the day she was leaving for camp, I followed her all the way to the park. And before she boarded, I gave her ₦20k. 

Oh. Why did you do that?

Dayo: I just felt bad. It wasn’t her fault, and she was going somewhere she hadn’t planned to go. I wanted her to at least have something in her pocket.

Tomisin: That gesture really got me. And while I was in camp, he kept checking on me and even sent more money. That was when I started seeing a different side of him. The professional, dry-response guy was gone, and there was actually a very caring person underneath.

What happened after camp? 

Dayo: I got her redeployed to Lagos as I promised, and I lowkey thought that would be the end of our interaction. But I found myself texting her and checking on her even after everything was resolved. She was struggling with her PPA placement, so I helped with that, too. And before I knew it, we had built a friendship. I always had one reason to text or call her. 

Tomisin: It was so funny how he went from this “one-word texter” to constantly being in my DMs. We talked almost every day. And what stood out was that he actually paid attention. If I mentioned in passing that something was bothering me, he would come back to it later and ask how it was going. 

Most people let things like that slide, but not Dayo. I don’t think I’ve met anyone as attentive as him. 

Nice. So at what point did you realise you liked each other?

Dayo: It was gradual on my end. I started noticing I was going out of my way to reach out to her even when I didn’t have a reason. I was just looking for excuses to talk to her. But even then, I still wasn’t sure what the feeling was.

Then, one day, during a conversation with our mutual friend, she mentioned that we’d actually make a cute couple. I think that was the first time I pictured us together and I couldn’t get the thought out of my mind. I knew she was single, so I felt it was a done deal in a way. 

Tomisin: I actually wasn’t trying to date anyone. I had relocation plans, and I didn’t want to get into something that was going to turn into a long-distance relationship. So even though I was starting to like him, I wasn’t going to make any moves. I just let things be.

So who made the move?

Dayo: I did. I asked her out in February 2023. 

Tomisin: I said yes. By that point, I had decided to go with what felt right rather than overthink the relocation thing. He was good to me, and I liked him. So it was a very easy yes. 

What were the early days of the relationship like?

Tomisin: Not the best period of my life. I didn’t have a job at the time. My plans to relocate weren’t going the way I wanted. Things were generally not looking up, and I was in a low mood for a lot of that period. Dayo was trying his best; he was very generous and showed up in ways I genuinely didn’t expect. I really appreciated that, but I was just unhappy. It had nothing to do with him.

Dayo: I couldn’t stand seeing her sad. I’d tried to pull some plug for a job, but it didn’t work. A part of me felt really frustrated because we were supposed to be in the honeymoon phase of our relationship, but Tomisin was constantly sad and worried. 

At some point, beyond offering words of encouragement and trying to speak on her behalf, I felt I needed to do something about her situation. So I put her on a monthly allowance. I also took her out regularly, making sure she had what she needed for day-to-day life.

My NYSC hustle was going well at that time, and I had forex income on top of it, so I was comfortable enough to do it without feeling the strain. 

I even had the idea at one point of opening a small breakfast cafe and setting Tomisin up to manage it. That one didn’t work out in the end, but I was thinking about how to set her up properly. 

But then, things slowed down for me financially in 2024. And that was tough.

I’m sorry. What happened, though?

Dayo: My NYSC plug passed away. So that whole side of my income just stopped. And the forex trading had become slow, too. So the money wasn’t coming like it used to. Luckily, around that same time, Tomisin had started picking up freelancing and was earning well. So I felt relieved that she wouldn’t feel the bite after I stopped her monthly allowance. 

But that’s when I also started noticing something about her.

What did you notice?

Dayo: That she is stingy. Not frugal, actually stingy. Before, I’d always assumed she was disciplined about saving and careful about spending. I respected that. But when I was the one who needed something, I saw what it actually was. I would ask her for as little as ₦10 or ₦20k, and she would look me in the eye and tell me she didn’t have it. I knew she was lying. 

Sometimes she would give it, but then she would make sure she collected every kobo back. It was strange to me. My girlfriend, whom I’d done a lot for when she wasn’t in a position to do for herself.

Tomisin: I prefer to say I am frugal. I have always been careful about money. I don’t believe in giving it away just because someone asks, unless it is a genuine emergency. That’s how I was raised and how I operate. Dayo is not the first person in my life to call me stingy. I’ve heard it from people who know me. It doesn’t offend me because I know my intention is to be responsible with what I have.

But doesn’t that bother you? That your partner calls you stingy?

Tomisin: Not really. I’ve heard it many times. I know who I am with money, and I’m not going to pretend. But I also want to push back on some of what Dayo says. Not everything he calls stinginess is stinginess. Sometimes I genuinely don’t have money to give, even if there’s a number sitting in my account. Money can be allocated; it can be tied to something; it might not even be entirely mine. He doesn’t always consider that. Once he believes that I have money, he expects me to splurge or readily give when he asks.

Dayo: I hear that. But when you’ve been with someone, and you’ve done as much as I did for her during the period she was struggling, and then when the tables turn, they’re lying to your face about ₦20k, that goes beyond being frugal. 

Did you ever bring up these concerns with her?

Dayo: I did. I sat her down and called her stingy to her face, and like she said, she didn’t flinch. She basically just said, ” Yes, I know I’m like that.” 

That response shocked me because I came prepared for a real conversation, and she just responded as though it was old news.

Tomisin: I also want to say something else about this. I sometimes genuinely question how broke Dayo actually is when he says he is broke. He’d say he doesn’t have money, and then the next minute he’s suggesting a date or doing something that costs money. So it’s hard for me to know when to take the complaints seriously and when it’s just a habit of speech. I’m not saying he doesn’t have moments of need. But the signals are often confusing, which affects how I respond.

Dayo: That’s because I know how to manage. I still want to make it a good time for us, even when things are tight. That doesn’t mean I’m not genuinely struggling.

So, did you guys ever land on a fix?

Dayo: Not really, it got to a tipping point around March. My car broke down and needed serious repairs. I was looking at about ₦500k, which I didn’t have at the time. So I went to Tomisin and asked if she could l loan me. She said she didn’t have the money. I knew from how she said it that she was lying. I found a way to get into her phone, looked at her account balance, took a screenshot of it and sent it directly to her.

Tomisin: That was a serious violation of my privacy. He went through my phone without my permission, then took screenshots of my bank details and sent them to me like it was a normal thing to do. I don’t care what his reason was or how frustrated he was. That’s not okay. You don’t go through your partner’s phone, and you definitely don’t screenshot their financial information and use it against them in an argument.

Dayo: I wasn’t trying to invade her privacy for no reason. I was tired of being lied to. If she had just said, I have the money, but I can’t loanit right now, I would have accepted that. I wouldn’t have liked it, but I would have accepted it. What I couldn’t accept was being looked in the face and told she didn’t have money when I knew she did. I needed her to stop lying to me.

How did you guys resolve this?

Dayo: We stopped speaking for about two months. No calls or texts, nothing. I think that’s the longest we have gone without speaking since we got together. It was bad. I was angry and missed her terribly, but I wasn’t going to reach out. Then she did in May.

Tomisin: I apologised; not for everything, because I still believe he shouldn’t have gone through my phone. But I apologised for my role in how things escalated. I didn’t want to lose what we had over a fight about money.

Dayo: But it still hasn’t been properly resolved. I love her and I’m not going anywhere. I just need her to actually work on that aspect. Because it’s not even just with me. I watch her decline her siblings’ requests. She’ll say no to family members very pointedly. And that worries me a lot, especially with someone I plan to build a family with. 

Tomisin, is he right about the family part?

Tomisin: He isn’t entirely wrong. I’m the same way with money across the board. It’s not something I only do with Dayo. My siblings and friends have experienced it. I know it can read as cold or uncaring even when that’s not my intention. I am not someone who says no because I enjoy saying no. I say no because I have always felt strongly that money has to be treated seriously. But I also recognise that there is a version of being careful with money that crosses into cold-heartedness. I’m trying to do better. It’s a work in progress.

Dayo: It makes me think sometimes. Not about whether I love her, because I do. But I think about the bigger picture. Marriage, having children, and going through hard seasons. You can’t do any of that with a partner who disappears when things are tight. 

You mentioned trying to do better, Tomisin. What steps have you taken?

Tomisin: I now have a budget that I put aside for random requests. So it makes it easier for me to pull from that when anyone comes to me. Even if I can’t give them all they ask for, I’ll have something for them. With Dayo, I’m learning to do things a lot more in our relationship. I admit I’ve gotten used to having him play the sole provider role, but these days, I’m opening my purse a little more.

There are times I freak out, especially when I spend huge sums. For instance, we went to a fancy place for his birthday and spent ₦150k. I just kept drawing different scenarios in my head of how that money could have been better utilised. 

I think there’s a version of me that can give more freely. I just need to get there in my own way and at my own pace. It’s not something that changes overnight.

Fair enough. What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Dayo: Everything else, honestly. This money issue is real, and I am not trivialising it. But outside of that, Tomisin is genuinely one of the most enjoyable people I have spent time with. She is funny. She has a way of thinking about things that I find interesting. She went through a genuinely hard period when we first got together, and she didn’t collapse. She kept pushing. I respect that a lot. 

She makes me want to show up. Even when I have my own problems, I still want to make sure she’s okay. That’s not something I’ve felt with everyone. 

Tomisin: He’s one of the most caring people I’ve ever met in my life. I know I frustrate him with the money issue, and I know it has caused real damage between us. But I also know that what he has brought to this relationship is something I don’t take for granted.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Dayo: 7. We’re a work in progress, and I think we’ve both been intentional about keeping the relationship going. We might get to a 10 before the end of the year

Tomisin: 7 also. We’re still figuring each other out. But the foundation is solid and we’ll be fine.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this .

If you’ve enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We’ve partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it’s about to be your favourite book.

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She explains why blocking her boyfriend has become her preferred conflict-resolution strategy and why she has no plans to stop.

This is Aramide’s explanation, as shared with Adeyinka

People think blocking your partner is childish or manipulative. Maybe it is for some people. For me, it’s self-preservation.

I’ve blocked my boyfriend more than once, and if we have another fight where I feel overwhelmed, I’ll probably do it again.

The funny thing is that I actually love him. If I didn’t, we’d have broken up a long time ago. He’s caring, thoughtful and always shows up when I need him. That’s why we’ve managed to stay together despite everything. The problem is that when this man gets angry, it’s like someone flips a switch.

He knows exactly what to say to hurt me. It’s almost like he starts looking for the most painful thing he can type just because he knows it’ll get a reaction. I used to stay there and argue back because I wanted to defend myself. Every single time, it ended with both of us saying things we couldn’t take back.

After a while, I realised I didn’t like the version of myself those arguments brought out.

About two months ago, we had another fight. My sisters and I had planned to attend an overnight party. We’d been talking about it for weeks, and I wasn’t about to cancel because my boyfriend suddenly decided he didn’t want me to go.

I love my boyfriend, but I won’t choose him over my siblings. They’ve been in my life long before he came around, and I wasn’t going to disappoint them over an argument.

Before leaving, I’d already hidden my WhatsApp Status from him because I knew he’d complain if I posted anything. I also stayed off Instagram. I honestly thought that was enough. Then a mutual friend uploaded a Snapchat video from the party. That’s how he found out I’d gone.

Almost immediately, the messages started pouring in. He wasn’t asking questions or trying to understand why I went. He went straight into attack mode, accusing me of disrespecting him and saying the kind of things he always says when he’s angry.

The moment I saw where the conversation was heading, I blocked him on WhatsApp.

I knew exactly what would’ve happened if I stayed. He would’ve kept sending hurtful messages, I’d eventually reply with something equally hurtful, and we’d spend days trying to recover from words we didn’t really mean.

Instead, I removed myself completely. This time, I left him blocked for four days.

Apparently, he tried reaching me through my sister, but I told her not to get involved. I wasn’t interested in having the conversation until both of us had calmed down.

On the fifth day, I unblocked him and sent him a simple message to let him know. He was still upset, but he actually communicated. No insults or trying to destroy me with words. We finally had the kind of civil conversation we should’ve had from the beginning.

That experience reminded me why blocking works for me. It’s always about protecting my peace.

I know myself. If someone keeps provoking me long enough, I’ll eventually say something I regret. I’d rather block you, cool off and come back when I can think clearly than stay in a conversation that’s becoming toxic.

Maybe one day we’ll both become emotionally mature enough not to need that block button. Until then, I’ll keep using it.

The funny thing is that he’s never blocked me before. He mustn’t even try it. I know myself well enough to admit I’d probably lose my mind. Maybe that makes me a hypocrite, but at least I’m a self-aware one.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

In this story, they share how a creative partnership turned them into one of Instagram’s favourite “couples”, and how the unexpected fame strengthened their friendship instead.

This is Colette and Ekene’s story, as told to Adeyinka

Colette: We met at the gym in 2025. I walked up to Ekene and asked, “Hi, are you a model?”

It sounded like a pick-up line, but I genuinely needed a model for a Valentine’s Day shoot.

The truth is, I took one look at him and thought he’d be perfect for it. He also had a very calm demeanour. It felt like my spirit just connected with him. 

Ekene: In my head, I was thinking, Is this how women flirt these days?

But I agreed to the shoot anyway. We exchanged Instagram handles and started chatting regularly.

When the Valentine’s shoot was posted weeks later, my DMs exploded. People immediately assumed we were dating.

My closest friends were asking how I’d managed to keep an entire relationship secret.

Colette: Even when I insisted we weren’t together, nobody believed me. They were convinced we were just trying to keep things private.

The funny part is that the Valentine’s shoot was only the second time we’d ever seen each other. If people looked closely at the photos — especially Ekene’s poses — they’d realise we weren’t even that comfortable around each other yet.

Ekene: Then, a few months later, the wedding shoot happened.

Colette: His friend was supposed to be the model, but we only had time for fittings on the day of the shoot. That’s when we realised the clothes wouldn’t fit.

His friend immediately said, “Call Ekene. It’s his size.”

I wasn’t even sure he’d be interested, but when I asked, his response was: “Ask and you shall receive.”

Ekene: To be fair, the outfit was fire.

Colette: If people thought we were dating after the Valentine’s shoot, the wedding shoot completely finished us. People who knew me personally started congratulating me.

I remember starting a new job, and one of my coworkers looked at me and said, “Wait, aren’t you the last-born bride?”

The conversation quickly turned to my supposed husband. I had to explain again that I wasn’t married.

Ekene: Even my pastor called to ask if I’d secretly gotten married.

I thought it was hilarious. We ended up on Tunde Ednut’s page, and even now, people stop us in random places when they realise we’re the couple from the viral wedding shoot.

Colette: The whole thing felt surreal. Everywhere I looked, I saw myself. My dad, who rarely comments on Instagram, was even somewhere in the comment section of a blog.

Ekene: Still, not all the attention was positive. Some people questioned why I kept taking those kinds of pictures with Colette. Others thought I shouldn’t be entertaining it at all.

But I didn’t really care. I was enjoying the recognition and everything that came with it.

Colette: At some point, though, we became intentional about correcting people. The photos and videos had travelled so far that it felt important to control the narrative.

People often assume men and women can’t just be friends, but that’s never been the case with us. We’re simply friends who created something people connected with.

Ekene: I actually have more female friends than male friends, and I can confidently say there’s no attachment. Friendship is friendship.

Colette: Ekene is sweet, reliable and genuinely caring. I find myself thanking him all the time. He’s one of those people I’m genuinely glad to have in my corner.

Ekene: I consider Colette one of my closest friends, even though we’ve only known each other for a little over a year.

I’m grateful for how much we’ve grown as friends and creators. If she calls me at 4 a.m. and says she’s stranded in another city, I’d get in my car and go get her without thinking twice.

Mira (26) and  Tom (30) connected on social media in 2015 but didn’t interact until 2023. 

On this week’s Love Life, they discuss why Mira’s escape plan backfired spectacularly, what it means to build a marriage across continents and cultures, and how faith has kept them together through everything.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this .

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Tom: We met on social media in 2015. We’d been following each other for about four years on Instagram and Facebook but barely interacted. We just existed in each other’s feeds, occasionally reacting to each other’s stories and keeping it moving. 

Then, in 2023, I reacted to something she posted on her Facebook story — I can’t even remember what it was — and she responded. That’s when everything changed.

Mira: Tom’s account always seemed suspicious because he barely posted anything. I thought it was fake for years. Who has a profile with almost no posts?

At some point, he reacted to my Facebook story, and we started engaging with each other’s posts. Around the same time, though, I found out he was trying to talk to one of my friends, which I thought was weird. So I ignored him until he came around again in 2023. That’s when our story really began.

Right. Let’s talk about that first real interaction in 2023

Tom: It was just a normal conversation.

Mira: Was it normal, though? 

When he reached out again, a part of me felt like, “oh, this fake account guy”. I wasn’t actively looking for a relationship, but I was open to possibilities. 

I assumed he was in my DMs to flirt so I replied to see where the conversation would go.  It was so random, but he started talking about African products. He was telling me how much he loved African black soap, shea butter and cocoa butter. Most people don’t care about those things the way he did. I remember thinking, “What exactly is this guy talking about?”

 To make sure he was real, I asked him to send me a video. Once he did, I realised he wasn’t a catfish. But I was still confused about why he cared so much about African products.

Tom: I’ve had a deep interest in African culture since I was young. I remember telling my classmates in Europe that I’d marry an African. They laughed because there weren’t any Africans where I lived, but it was something I genuinely wanted. So finding out Mira was African felt like a real connection point for me. Like the universe was saying, “Yes, this is what you’ve been looking for.”

Nice. How did your relationship progress after that first conversation?

Tom: We actually stopped talking for a while and went back to liking each other’s pictures on social media. Then I travelled to Asia for a modelling job, and for some reason, I couldn’t get Mira out of my mind. So I reached out again. That’s when we started having video calls and really getting to know each other. 

Mira: We talked for about three consecutive months as friends, and it felt like we’d never stopped talking at all. It was odd because we’d followed each other for years without talking, and then we suddenly couldn’t stop. 

Tom is a model, so travelling is a huge part of his life. His work also helped him secure a modelling contract in the Philippines, where I lived at the time. So we made plans for him to visit.

Curious, Mira. You mentioned you weren’t exactly in the headspace for something new. What changed with Tom?

Mira: I saw his pictures and thought, “Okay, he’s cute.” But beyond that, he was calm and easy to talk to.

One thing that stood out was how present he was; he replied to messages in record time. I was used to guys taking hours to respond to “maintain” some kind of steeze. But that wasn’t Tom. He responded as soon as my messages came in, and I liked that. Before I knew it, I’d gone from not being interested in a relationship to wanting to see where things could go between us.

Makes sense. What was it like finally meeting in person?

Top: That was one hilarious moment. I arrived in the Philippines and went straight to the apartment my modelling agency provided. Later, Mira came to see me on her motorbike. The first thing I noticed was how shy she was. She looked like she wanted to turn around and go home.

Mira: I was incredibly nervous and shy. The funny thing is that he didn’t help matters. He seemed just as panicked, which made me wonder if he wasn’t happy to see me or if I wasn’t what he’d expected.  I was ready to turn around and leave. But I reminded myself that we’d spent three months talking almost every day. No matter how awkward the moment felt, he was still the same person I’d been speaking to. So I stayed.

Looking back, I think we were both dealing with first-meeting nerves. Once we got past that, everything felt comfortable again. It was like we’d known each other for much longer than three months.

Tom: After our first meeting, we started going on dates and spending more time together. Mira stayed with me while I completed my three-month modelling contract in the Philippines.

We’d already grown so comfortable with each other online that being together in person made everything feel more real. We eventually started dating because it felt natural and right.

Wait, when did you ask her out?

Mira: There wasn’t a formal “Will you be my girlfriend?” moment. We just found ourselves inside a relationship. With Tom, I could be completely myself. He loved me exactly as I was, which meant a lot to me as a Nigerian who grew up in an Asian country. I know how difficult dating can be when you’re constantly navigating stereotypes and assumptions. Even when I dated other Nigerians, I didn’t always feel as secure as I did with Tom.

I never felt like I had to second-guess who I was around him, and my feelings naturally grew deeper because of that.

Still, I had to ask questions at some point. Like, “What we have is great, but what are we?” And he was like, “We’re together. We’re in a relationship.” 

That was towards the end of 2023.

Fair enough. So what happened after you completed your contract, Tom?

Tom: I had to leave the Philippines, which meant we were thrown into a long distance relationship for a year.

It wasn’t easy, but we stayed consistent. We video-called every day, spent hours talking and remained present in each other’s lives despite the distance.

Mira: We actually had a conversation in the park before he left. He was completely honest with me. He said he didn’t know what the future would look like. He wasn’t from my country, and he was constantly moving around for his modelling career. He couldn’t promise how things would work long-term.

I was sad because I knew how hard long distance could be. But I trusted God. I believed that if what we had was genuine and real, it would work out regardless of the distance.

So when did you reunite? 

Tom: A year later.  I returned to the Philippines, and  I came back knowing I wanted to marry her.

Mira: I’d always made it clear that I wanted to date with marriage in mind. I didn’t want to invest years in anything that wasn’t going anywhere. Still, I didn’t expect things to move that quickly.

When he told me he believed I was the right person for him and wanted us to get married, I was shocked. But I said yes immediately. I didn’t need to talk to anyone. I just knew. We’d communicated so much and spent so much time together, even across distance.

What inspired this decision, Tom? 

Tom: Long distance was incredibly hard. There were temptations, loneliness, moments of doubt and darkness. But our faith kept us together. We called each other every day. We prayed and studied the bible together. We spent a lot of time talking about our beliefs. That spiritual foundation became our anchor. When I came back and saw her, I knew it was time to commit fully. It was time to marry her. 

Mira: Faith played a huge role for me, too. I grew up in a very Christian family, and my parents showed me what faith looked like in practice. As our relationship progressed, I saw Tom become more intentional about his relationship with God. His growth made me feel secure about our future.

I knew that even with the distance and all the challenges we faced, God was with us. That was one of the major reasons I said yes to marrying him.

When did you get married?

Mira: December 2024. My parents were surprised that I was marrying someone who wasn’t Nigerian, but they never opposed the relationship.

They also saw how intentional Tom was. He called constantly, stayed involved in my life and always showed up for me. They could see he was serious about me. The long distance didn’t worry them because they saw his commitment was genuine.

Tom: My parents were separated at that time, so the wedding logistics were complicated. But we had them on a video call during the ceremony. 

The wedding itself was beautiful. I had to wear traditional Nigerian attire and do the traditional Nigerian wedding dances and customs. Her family made me go down on the floor and say all sorts of things in Yoruba. It was all new for me and I was nervous about it. But it was fun. I enjoyed it. I loved wearing the outfit and experiencing her culture directly. It was one of the best days of my life.

What were the early days of marriage like?

Tom: Everything was fine at first, but we quickly realised marriage was different from dating. 

Mira: The first year particularly wasn’t easy, and it had nothing to do with our marriage. We didn’t have issues transitioning to living together or adjusting to each other, but I had some unexpected health issues that made it hard for me to be present the way I wanted.

Beyond that, there were huge practical challenges. Long distance is great when you’re dating, but when you’re married, you’re suddenly thinking about where to settle, how to build a life together, nd where to have kids. 

His job requires constant travel. If he stops, he has to start over in a completely new field. And as an interracial couple, finding a place to settle with all the immigration paperwork and requirements is complicated. Instead of enjoying a honeymoon phase, we spent a lot of time figuring out logistics. 

Tom: The good thing is that those challenges never affected our marriage itself.  We never got to a point where the external challenges affected our love or made us want to leave. We kept communicating, praying and working through things together. And things got better over time. We stopped fighting our circumstances and accepted that long distance, travel and cultural differences would always be part of our story.

What were some specific challenges you had to work through?

Mira: The biggest challenge was figuring out where to build our life. We both didn’t grow up in one place. Tom left Europe when he was 18 to model. I grew up in the Philippines, not Nigeria. So we didn’t have a home country to return to together. That was complicated.

Finding a place where we could legally settle with all the paperwork was hard. Eventually, we chose Europe because my passport is stronger. But that meant both of us had to adjust to a new culture.

We also had differences in how we organise things. Tom is extremely organised. He obsesses about where everything is placed. If something is missing, even something as small as a pair of socks, he needs to know exactly where it is. I’m the complete opposite. I just throw my things anywhere. If I can’t find a pair of socks, I’ll just buy another one. Why stress about a pair when I can just get new ones? For him, that’s torture. He would obsess about finding that specific pair of socks. We argued about that a lot in the beginning. 

But here’s the thing that really got me. I thought I married outside of Nigerian culture to escape certain expectations. Then I found out he wants me to cook African food more than any Nigerian guy probably would want.

Tom: Yes, I really love African food. I grew up dreaming about African culture, about marrying an African woman, and experiencing African traditions. Now that I’m married to Mira, I want to experience all of it, including the food. I want her to cook jollof rice, fufu, and all these traditional meals. But I’m also learning to cook some of it myself. Her mum also helps out a lot.

Mira: I was so frustrated because I grew up in the Philippines. I’m not the best cook when it comes to African food. I don’t even eat some of these meals because I don’t know how to cook them properly. I remember thinking, ” Oh, wow, I thought I escaped the matrix”. But here I am, married to a white European guy who wants jollof rice and fufu more than I do. It was ironic. 

Screaming. 

Mira: I think it’s all about making compromises. My mum cooks real African food for him. Sometimes we go to African restaurants.  Sometimes he gets to eat at my aunt’s house. And I’ve learned to cook some simple things. We figured it out.

Speaking of Tom’s job, did you ever struggle with jealousy or insecurity, Mira?

Mira: Absolutely. During the long-distance stage, it was hard not to overthink. The modelling industry is full of beautiful women, and I sometimes wondered whether he’d eventually find someone better. I remember him casually mentioning that one of his colleagues was pretty, and I spent far too much time thinking about it afterwards. But Tom is very honest. He doesn’t talk about other women in a way that makes me uncomfortable. And I realised that I’m also beautiful. 

Plus, I know him. If he wanted to be with someone else, he would just tell me directly. He would never cheat. He’s not wired that way. Once I realised that, I stopped overthinking. I trusted him, and it’s worked out.

Sweet. What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Tom: For me, it’s finding someone I can talk to about everything. Mira’s not only my partner; she’s also my best friend. We know everything about each other. There are no secrets or walls between us. And I love that about her. I love that about us.

Mira: Tom is present. Even during our year of long distance, he was always there for me. He’s loyal, honest and vulnerable. He’s not afraid to show his emotions or be strong when I need him. I love that balance. And the best part is that we’re helping each other become better versions of ourselves. We’re growing together spiritually, emotionally, in every way.

By December, our marriage will be two years. And we have some big news that we’re excited to share. 

Oh?

I’m pregnant. We’re going to have a baby soon. I feel like God made him to be my partner in this life.

Congratulations, guys. Excited for you. On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Mira: Definitely an 11. We’ve survived almost two years of marriage. We navigated a long-distance relationship for a year. We overcame unexpected health challenges. Everything we thought would break us, we got through it with God. 

His constant travelling is still a challenge sometimes. But right now, we’re in such a good place. We’re really happy.

Tom: For me, it’s also an 11. Maybe even higher. I believe that everything, the good and the bad, is bringing us closer together and strengthening our relationship. 

I couldn’t ask for more.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this .

If you’ve enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We’ve partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it’s about to be your favourite book.

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In this week’s Marriage Diaries, she talks about overcoming the fear of public judgment, learning to let someone take care of her, and why she’s convinced her unconventional love story happened exactly when it was meant to.

Got a marriage story to share? Please  and we’ll reach out.

I stopped believing marriage was part of my story

I always assumed my marriage would look a lot like my parents’.

They moved to Lagos together in the late 1970s and built their lives from almost nothing. It was just the two of them figuring things out, raising seven children and creating a home together. They were my biggest example of what marriage should be. I imagined that one day, I’d have my own version of that life: a husband, children and a family protected from the chaos of the outside world.

But life quickly taught me that everyone has a different path. 

I got pregnant in my early 20s, and the father of my child disappeared. That experience changed the way I viewed relationships. Suddenly, I wasn’t imagining a husband and children anymore. I was just trying to survive and raise my child.

Years later, I entered another serious relationship. We even had a family introduction after I got pregnant, and for a moment, it looked like marriage would finally happen. But by the time our child turned two, that relationship had also ended.

After that, I was done. I focused on my children and my business. I stopped entertaining men. In fact, the few men who approached me only reinforced my decision, as many seemed more interested in what I had built than in who I was.

My mother worried constantly. She moved from one pastor to another, praying that I’d eventually marry. I kept telling her to leave me alone. I was comfortable. My business was doing well. My children were doing well. I genuinely believed I didn’t need a man.

So if you’d told me ten years ago that I’d eventually get married, I would’ve laughed in your face.

Becoming a wife at 50 was the last thing I expected

The biggest surprise in my marriage is that I’m married at all.

After spending nearly two decades single, marriage simply stopped being part of my plans. I’d built a life that worked for me. I wasn’t searching or praying for a husband. But he found his way to me.

We’d known each other casually for years because we’re in the same line of business, but I never saw him romantically. Around late 2023, we had a business transaction together that changed everything.

Someone defrauded me. The amount wasn’t even up to a million naira, and I was willing to let it go to avoid unnecessary stress. But he refused to let it go. He made several attempts to recover the money, and when none of them worked, he sent me the full amount out of his own pocket. I was shocked.

He felt responsible because he introduced me to the man who scammed me. That gesture made me see him differently.

We started talking more often, and eventually he made his intentions clear. Then came the part that almost ended the relationship before it started; he already had two wives.

The moment I heard that, I stepped back. I’d spent years avoiding relationship drama. Why would I voluntarily enter a polygamous marriage? But he remained patient and persistent.

The funny thing is that the people I expected to oppose it didn’t. My parents supported me. Some of my closest friends encouraged me. Even my children were more open-minded than I expected.

Yet, I struggled to accept him in those early days. I worried constantly about what people would say. I imagined people mocking me for finally getting married at 50 only to become somebody’s third wife. That fear stayed with me for a long time.

Accepting a polygamous marriage forced me to confront my fears

When my husband first proposed, I kept delaying the conversation. I liked and respected him. But becoming a third wife was difficult for me to accept. I kept asking myself whether I was making a mistake.

I spent many months overthinking everything. My children were a major consideration. They’d grown up in a stable environment, and I didn’t want to introduce unnecessary complications into their lives. Before making my final decision, I spoke to them and listened carefully to their concerns. 

The more time passed, the more I observed him and how he treated his two wives. I saw a man who genuinely cared for his family and was intentional about showing up for the people he loved. Most importantly, I experienced that same care myself.

Eventually, I realised I was allowing fear of public opinion to dictate a deeply personal decision. As my 50th birthday approached, he suggested we turn the celebration into something bigger. That was when I finally said yes.

Today, each wife has her own home and space. There’s no competition. There’s no reason for us to be in one another’s business.

It’s not the life I imagined for myself when I was younger, but it’s the life I’ve been given, and I’ve made peace with that.

Marriage taught me how to stop doing everything alone

One thing nobody prepared me for was learning how to be cared for. For most of my adult life, I did everything myself.

I raised my children largely on my own. I built my business. I bought my own property. I solved my own problems. In a way, independence was my survival mechanism.

So when I got married, I carried that same mindset into the relationship. If something in my house needed fixing, I’d call someone. If I needed money for a project, I’d sort it out myself. If there was a problem, I’d handle it.

But my husband hated it. Not because he wanted control, but because helping people is one way he expresses love. Every time I handled something without involving him, he felt shut out.

At first, I couldn’t understand why it mattered so much. Then I realised that by refusing help, I was denying him the opportunity to care for me. Learning that has been one of the biggest adjustments in my marriage.

Today, he insists on sending me a monthly allowance. He changed my car last year. He’s currently helping me supervise the construction of another property.

The truth is, I can do these things myself. But I’m learning that marriage sometimes means allowing your partner to show up for you, even when you don’t technically need the help.

My biggest fights happen when I forget I have a partner now

One recurring issue in our marriage is money, but not in the way people might expect. I’m still used to operating like a single woman.

A recent example involved my first son’s travel process. I spent a significant amount of money sorting everything out and never mentioned it to my husband. To me, it wasn’t a big deal. They’re my children. I’ve always handled things for them.

Unfortunately, he eventually found out. He was upset, and we ended up arguing.

In the heat of the moment, I said things I shouldn’t have said. I talked about how I’d been taking care of myself and my children long before he arrived. I said I didn’t need anybody’s permission to support my children.

That wasn’t what I meant, but that’s how it came across. 

From his perspective, I was drawing a line between him and my children. I was essentially telling him he had no place in decisions involving them.

Once I calmed down, I understood why he was hurt. I apologised, and we’ve worked through it, but that experience taught me something important: being independent and being married aren’t always the same thing.

Sometimes, communication isn’t just about what you say. It’s about making sure the other person feels included.

I waited a long time for marriage, but I have no regrets

Marriage has softened me in ways I didn’t expect. For years, people described me as fiercely independent. My mother used to joke that I was a one-woman army. If something needed to be done, I did it myself.

Now, I’m learning to lean on someone else. It’s still uncomfortable sometimes. Trust doesn’t come easily to me because life has taught me that people can disappoint you. But little by little, I’m learning that not everyone will.

If I could go back and speak to my younger self, I wouldn’t tell her to change anything. I wouldn’t tell her to avoid the failed relationships or to make different choices.

Every disappointment and setback brought me to where I am today. I have children I’m proud of. I have a successful business. And now, after years of believing marriage wasn’t for me, I have a husband who genuinely cares for me.

So no, I don’t think I’d change anything.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

Got a marriage story to share? Please  and we’ll reach out.

Mayowa (25) and Mfon (23) first met in high school in 2017 but didn’t reconnect until 2023 at church. 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about how a health crisis brought them together, the vulnerable moments that solidified their commitment, and why they knew marriage was the plan from the very beginning.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this .

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Mfon: It was 2017. I was in year 10, and my dad had just transferred me from my old boarding school to a day school. My new school  really far from home, so I had to take the school bus every single day. Starting senior school as the new kid was a bit intimidating and overwhelming. 

One day, a year 11 student sat next to me at the front of the bus. His name was Mayowa. We didn’t have long conversations on that ride, but I remember distinctly noticing how quiet and withdrawn he was. That’s my clearest earliest memory of him.

Mayowa: I didn’t notice Mfon much at first. I’d been at that school for a while and was more like an OG on the school bus. We shared the front seat because there weren’t many spots up in the bus, so we were forced to interact. And that was how we started talking. We’d have random conversations — just typical teenage stuff. We probably knew each other for about half a term, maybe six weeks total, before we both left that school. It was really just a brief moment in time.

That was in 2017. How did you guys reconnect?

Mayowa: Church. We hadn’t spoken for about six years, but I knew Mfon on X because she tweeted a lot. That’s how I found out that we attend the same church. One day, I sent a text saying I’d been seeing her posts but never spotted her at church. I suggested we link up because I really loved seeing people I know at church. The day she finally showed up, I introduced her to everyone and told them we had gone to secondary school together. 

Mfon: My memory of our reunion is a bit different. A mutual friend reposted his photo on IG, so I checked out his profile and followed him. Then a few months later,  the church text happened. 

We didn’t meet for a month after he texted. I’d been attending for over a year but hadn’t connected with anyone. I was walking toward the back when I heard people laughing. I turned around, and there he was, cracking everyone up. That surprised me.  I remembered him as quiet. 

He walked over, said hi, and introduced me to a bunch of people. That’s how I made my first friends in that church.

I’m guessing your friendship started that day. What happened next?

Mfon: He was in a relationship when we reunited, so we kept being friends. But then I fell ill and needed a blood transfusion. I dropped a message in a group chat we’re both in, saying I needed blood, and I included my mum’s contact.  I was shocked when he came to the clinic to donate blood for me. We weren’t even that close, but he showed up.

Mayowa: When I saw her message, I knew I had to go. She was family to me in church. Sadly, I wasn’t even able to donate, but I still went to check on her. 

About a week later, I called her phone to check on her, and her mum picked up. I was taken aback and asked about Mfon’s whereabouts, and she told me she’d relapsed and returned to the hospital. I rushed down immediately.

Mfon: It probably sounds weird, but I was so ashamed about relapsing. I didn’t want to tell my friends, including Mayowa. After he found out, he kept checking on me. I think that really solidified our friendship. We were constantly talking and texting each other. It became our daily routine.

Sounds sweet. Was this when you realised there were romantic feelings involved?

Mayowa: I can’t pinpoint an exact day or moment when I realised I had developed deeper feelings for her. For me, we didn’t plan anything; we kind of talked ourselves into it naturally.

I started to realise something was changing when it was becoming weird not to talk to Mfon every day. I’d also gotten out of my previous relationship, but I knew I had to be clear headed before getting into something new. 

I gave myself about six months before I even said anything about my feelings to Mfon. I wanted to make sure it wasn’t a rebound or a mistake. I was also being really careful because I’d struggled with communication in past relationships, and I didn’t want to repeat those same patterns with her. 

Mfon: For me, it really came from an admiration point of view. I started observing and noticing so many incredible qualities about Mayowa that I hadn’t given much attention to; how thoughtfully he looked after his friends, how serious and intentional he was about his faith and his relationship with God. I began thinking about what the possibilities might be if we crossed the line from friendship into romance, but I wasn’t entirely certain or confident about it. I just knew that I had developed a soft spot for him and that he was becoming increasingly special to me. 

Then, one day, a few months into our friendship, he told me that he liked me. My exact response was, “I’m buying what you’re selling.” It was such a simple statement but it felt true and right in that moment. 

Around the same time, a close friend sat me down and said something eye-opening. She said, “Do you realise you talk about him literally all the time? Your daily plans and activities are completely synchronized with his. We can’t plan anything without consulting him.” 

That’s when everything clicked. She was absolutely right. I genuinely liked this guy more than a friend.

Mayowa, let’s talk more about confessing your feelings. How did that go?

Mayowa: I was on a trip when this conversation happened. I told her that I liked her and wanted to marry her. Not just casual dating, but getting married and building a life together. But I also laid bare my fears about entering into a relationship with her. 

I acknowledged that we’re really great friends, and I was genuinely scared of ruining our friendship if things didn’t work out. I also shared my struggles in past relationships, particularly with communication and vulnerability. I was honest about those weaknesses and told her how I was working to improve myself. I didn’t come in pretending to be perfect. I was transparent about where I was at.

Mfon: I didn’t take his words seriously at first because he was on a trip. I thought maybe he was just having a moment. But then he came back and asked for a proper conversation. He shared his concerns and fears openly, and I felt safe sharing mine in return. I told him that I needed to really know him on a deep level, not just for fun or surface-level companionship. I needed to truly understand what he stands for, his values, likes and dislikes, so I could predict his reactions and fully understand his personality. 

Now, I had this rule about not dating my close friends. I’d always said I couldn’t do it, especially with someone I saw regularly and felt close to. But then a pastor said something that really challenged that belief. He asked, ‘Those of you who say you won’t date your friends, is your enemy the person you want to marry?’ That comment stuck with me and made me reconsider my own rules. So I did a lot of soul-searching. I thought deeply about my future and what I actually wanted to have in it. I prayed about it extensively. And after all that reflection and prayer, I decided to give him a real chance.

When did you become official?

Mfon: He told me he liked me in September 2024. But we were in a talking stage until April 2025 because I had a personal standard of needing a long talking stage before becoming officially exclusive with someone. I always said I would never date anyone until I’d had substantial conversations with them for a full six months. If it took too long to wait, they were free to leave. But once we both understood clearly that we wanted to make the relationship work, it just made sense to take it to the next level and become official.

What were the early days of dating like?

Mfon: They weren’t much different from when we were in the talking stage. The transition felt seamless. We just kept talking constantly and being together. We literally did a 56-hour FaceTime call at one point. We were so immersed in talking to each other that we kept the call going and going. We’d fall asleep on the call, wake up, and continue the conversation without missing a beat. 

I’d be at work and ask my boss for a minute to talk to him. Even during meetings, I’d step out just to check in. By 10 p.m. every single night, no matter how exhausted he was from work, he would call. It became such an ingrained habit and routine for us.

Mayowa: It felt that way because we weren’t spending tons of physical time together. She was staying with her parents, and I was staying alone. We’d see each other at church and go on dates, but we got so used to talking every day that if we didn’t see each other’s face on FaceTime, it felt like we were arguing. Even now, I promise we just talk. It’s embedded in our system. I think talking like that really helped us become great friends, genuinely. We talked ourselves into affection. 

So Mayowa’s communication struggles from past relationships were non existent with you? 

Mfon: He turned out to be the extreme communicator. If something happens now, he wants to talk about it immediately. He’s always calling and messaging. He even jokes that he’s the caller in the relationship. I never experienced the things he said he struggled with. I think he just saw me and decided he was ready to be serious.

Mayowa: If something bothered me, I’d mention it right away. 

But there was one time we had a bigger misunderstanding and we couldn’t settle it on a call. 

We apologised and communicated like we used to, but it still didn’t feel settled. The next day was church, and when I saw her, I was wondering why I’d even been mad. I asked her if we could go out after service because I just wanted to be with her. Once we were together, the situation was resolved.

Sweet. At what point did you realise you wanted to spend the rest of your life together?

Mayowa: There was a moment, I can’t say exactly when, where I laid down my fears completely. I was completely unfiltered about where I was in life and where I was trying to get to. That day we didn’t say ”I love you.” We said, “I choose you.” That word felt deeper than love because it showed that in thick and thin, I’m choosing this person for life. 

When she said she chose me, something shifted in my head. I realised this was someone who fell in love with a basic version of me and chose me despite everything. That meant so much.

Mfon: It was the same moment for me. There was a time when I genuinely thought he was going to leave. We’d gotten into a little squabble, and I wasn’t 100% sure we were going to end up together; this was still during our talking stage. But he drove to my house in the middle of work and shattered my walls with his words. Later that night, he sent me text messages saying he never thought anybody would really love him if they knew the true him, and how thankful he was. That day we both knew we’d choose each other forever.

So after that moment, how did things move towards marriage?

Mayowa: I was ready for marriage from the moment I asked her out. The next step after dating was always going to be marriage. It was only a question of when.

I proposed in April, and it wasn’t a shock to her. It was just me officially asking her to be my fiancĂ©e and giving her the proposal of her dreams. I’d already planned the wedding venue and everything.

Mfon: After my last relationship in university, I made a rule that the next person I dated would be my husband. I spent years in other situations and talking stages, but nobody ticked my boxes. Then Mayowa came and hit every single one. I had my non-negotiables, and he just came in perfect. Five out of five on everything. Honestly didn’t think I would be surprised when he proposed, but I cried. I actually helped plan my friend’s birthday earlier, and I thought the proposal event was for that. But it was mine. I was shocked and just so happy. We’re getting married in June. 

Congratulations. Has wedding planning stressed you?

Mayowa: We’ve been able to work through it together. I’m very involved in the planning. If she’s tired, I take over. If someone is stressing her, I stress them back. If there are things that really matter to her, I prioritise them. We just make decisions together without fighting about colours or styles. If something matters to one of us, we do it.

Mfon: It’s been really easy because we’re doing it together. He’s very hands-on and takes a lot of the weight off my shoulders. The only stressful part was planning the female Aso-Ebi because I did that alone. But he’s always protecting the things I want. He makes sure to emphasise why the things I want are important and why they have to happen. This whole process has really helped us bond because we realise that prioritising each other over everyone else is what matters. If he doesn’t want something, it’s not happening.

What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Mfon: The best thing is the assurance of growth. I know that by the end of this year, I won’t be the same person. He reminds me of the things I said I would do. We have financial, spiritual, and career goals. Being with Mayowa is an assurance that you’ll grow in so many areas. And the growth isn’t one driven by tough love. I’ve felt loved while growing. I’ve never felt alone.

Mayowa: Honestly, the best thing is getting to spend the rest of my life with her. Before we started dating, one of my biggest goals was to move from being avoidant to being secure. She’s the most loving person I know. When someone loves you that much, it’s easy to love back.

I used to love my personal space, but when she’s not in that space, it doesn’t feel personal anymore. I want to spend every single day with her. That’s how much she means to me. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Mayowa: I’d rate it a 10, or even more. I don’t know what more I need. I’m extremely happy. The only greater love story I know than ours is the one of Jesus Christ on the cross. 

Mfon: Definitely a 10 and then some. Every time I think this is the best it can be, it just gets better. I know that by the end of this year, something will happen that makes me love him even more. 

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this .

If you’ve enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We’ve partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it’s about to be your favourite book.

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In this story, Yetunde explains why she stands by her decision, despite everything it has cost her.

This is Yetunde’s explanation, as told to Adeyinka:

My younger sister hasn’t spoken to me in over a year.

Not a text or phone call, just silence. We’ve fought before, and I think that’s normal in every family. Siblings fight and argue until everyone finds their way back to each other again. But this one feels different because she genuinely believes I betrayed her in the worst possible way. She says I went behind her back, undermined her parenting and tried to destroy her home.

Maybe she’s right. But if you ask me today whether I’d do it again, my answer is still yes.

The whole thing started almost twenty years ago.

Ibidun got pregnant in her 20s by a man she was in a serious relationship with. At first, everyone thought they would eventually marry, but the relationship became increasingly toxic. The man was irresponsible, controlling and sometimes physically abusive.

By the time my niece was born, the family had had enough. We supported Ibidun when she said she wanted out of the union. Nobody thought she should continue to stay with a man who constantly hurt her. The only thing we insisted on was that she shouldn’t stop him from being a father.

My parents particularly insisted that whatever happens between them shouldn’t affect the child. At the time, Ibidun also agreed.

But that wasn’t how things unfolded. Over the years, he barely contributed to the child’s upkeep. School fees were inconsistent, and contact was almost non-existent. It wasn’t a case of distance or misunderstanding; he simply didn’t show up in the way a father should.

Five years later, Ibidun remarried. Her husband embraced her fully, including her daughter. He became the only consistent father figure in the child’s life and also took responsibility for the children they later had together. 

Nobody in the family objected because the man had earned that place.

At some point, my sister made a decision that became central to everything that followed: she changed her daughter’s surname to her stepfather’s name. Nobody in the family objected because the man had earned that place. The biological father wasn’t around anyway.

Or so we thought.

A few years later, the girl’s biological father attempted to re-enter the picture. He said he’d been trying to reach Ibidun for years, but she’d blocked every avenue. He said he knew he’d made mistakes and wasn’t trying to undo the past. He just wanted to know his daughter.

When I raised it with Ibidun, she shut it down completely. She didn’t even let me finish. “No,” that was her final answer. 

According to her, the child already had a father. The man who raised her was her father. The man calling now had forfeited every right to that position years ago.

The whole family understood her anger. But we also couldn’t shake the feeling that the situation wasn’t that simple.

A child isn’t property. You can’t completely erase half of where they come from. But Ibidun was set on her decision. The argument kept resurfacing over the years. Several family meetings, phone calls and interventions, but her answer remained the same.

What complicated things was that my niece wasn’t living in complete ignorance. Sometimes, she would ask questions about her father. Other times, she would look through old photographs whenever she visited and ask questions. 

I later discovered that Ibidun had also shown her pictures of her biological father, but always within strict limits. In her way, she had tried to acknowledge him without opening a door she believed should stay closed.

In 2023, he contacted me again. This time, he said he was ill and wanted to see his daughter before it was too late. I didn’t take the request lightly. I knew how much pain had already been caused on all sides. But I also knew I couldn’t ignore it entirely. I gave him his daughter’s phone number, and they began to communicate directly. 

Eventually, I arranged for them to meet in person. I didn’t tell Ibidun.

I kept it from her partly because I knew she would never agree, and partly because I believed I was acting in the child’s best interest. I also asked my niece not to mention it to her mother. 

At the time, I told myself it was to avoid unnecessary conflict. Looking back, I can see how that decision only made things worse.

Earlier this year, Ibidun found out. I still don’t know exactly how. My niece insists she didn’t tell her. What followed was quick and severe. The situation escalated into a full family crisis. We had meetings that ended in shouting, and at one point, things even became physical between us.

Ibidun accused me of undermining her and trying to destroy her home. I tried to explain that my intention was never to hurt her, but she wouldn’t hear it. To her, I had crossed a line. 

Since that day, we haven’t spoken.

I understand why she feels betrayed. She built her life around protecting her daughter from instability. She made difficult decisions as a single mother and later built a home with a man who took on that role fully. From her perspective, reintroducing the biological father feels like undoing years of emotional security.

But I still struggle with the idea that a child should be completely cut off from knowing where she comes from, especially when the biological father claims to have changed and has shown a desire to take responsibility. For me, it was never about choosing one father over another. It was about allowing a child access to her full story.

Even now, I don’t deny that my decision caused pain. What I do know is that if my niece grows up and one day asks whether anybody tried to help her know her biological father, I can answer that question honestly. I did.

Whether that makes me the villain or not is for everyone else to decide.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

°Őłó±đĚý is returning on August 22, 2026, in Lagos! Come learn from finance experts and industry leaders, and partake in unfiltered conversations about building wealth and diversifying your income stream in a country like Nigeria. Real stories, expert advice you can actually use, and a community ready to build wealth together. .

Dasola* (31) moved to Ibadan in 2024 to start over after her mother’s death. Then, she met Tayo* (39). 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about going from a temporary distraction to moving in together and dealing with the mother of his eight year old son. 

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this .

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Tayo: I first noticed Dasola at a hotel in Ibadan in March 2024. 

She was working in the lobby, and I immediately became interested in her, so I sent the receptionist to get her attention. When that didn’t work, I sent a waitress. Eventually, I had to summon the courage to approach her myself. That first conversation turned into a mini-date. 

I found out later that she worked remotely and used the hotel as her unofficial work station.

Dasola: That’s not exactly how I remember it. 

I had just moved to Ibadan after my mother passed away. I left Lagos and all its chaos and got a hybrid job as head of marketing and communications at a travel and exam prep agency. On the days I worked remotely, I’d go to the bar of a hotel near my house to use the light and just relax while working. 

One day, I went there as usual and noticed the bar was closed as I was getting off my bike. While I was figuring out my next move, he walked up to say hello. I was impatient because I had a meeting in a few minutes, but he assured me the place would open soon. He sounded so confident that I decided to wait. 

That’s how we started talking.

What piqued your interest in each other?

Tayo: I’d been coming to that bar for a while, but she was the first unfamiliar face I’d seen. That immediately sparked my curiosity. But she was always working on her laptop, really focused and career oriented. That’s what got me genuinely interested in her.

Dasola: I didn’t really notice him at first. But once I did, there was a bit of platonic interest. I’m very attracted to the fine things of life and Tayo looked really good. But I couldn’t pursue anything because I was seeing someone else at the time.

I just wanted to have fun, make new friends in Ibadan, and cope with my grief after losing my mum. But Tayo was very persistent about going on a date. He seemed really sweet and gentle, so I agreed for him to be my friend.

Tayo: I’d been in a lot of on and off relationships but nothing seemed to stick. I also had a baby mama who was still in my life, but I had no intention of getting married to her. I was looking to date seriously and find someone who could be my lifetime partner.

How did that first “mini-date” go?

Tayo: We talked and you couldn’t even tell we’d only just met. I wanted to get to know her as a person and see if she’d be a great fit for me. I didn’t want to end up in a situation where things got serious, we got married, and then realised we weren’t good for each other. I’d already had the baby mama situation and didn’t want to repeat that mistake. So I asked a lot of personal questions about her life and her work, and I liked everything I heard.

Dasola: We went to another bar just beside the hotel. He ordered everything I wanted and I ate with so much relish. I immediately told him about my relationship status so he could manage his expectations, and that helped keep things controlled. 

He was a perfect gentleman and completely non-judgmental. Smoking was my coping mechanism at the time. There’s a stereotype about girls like me who smoke cigarettes, but Tayo was gentlemanly enough to light one for me, and when it finished, he sent someone to get more. 

Tayo: I was sad when she told me she was in a relationship, but I didn’t give up. A part of me felt like whatever she had going on with the guy wouldn’t work out. And I was right, which is why we’re here today. I was very patient and consistent with her.

Did you also immediately tell her about your baby mama, Tayo?

Tayo: I didn’t.

Dasola: No. I didn’t know until one random day after we’d started dating. I got a call from a strange number.

Before we get to that, how did things progress from friends to dating?

Tayo: We went on many more friendly dates together. Dasola is very entertaining to be around and that made it easy to grow our bond. We both don’t keep a lot of friends, so we were all we had. I got so comfortable talking about everything with her, and my feelings kept getting stronger.

Dasola: I felt he love-bombed me. Things moved faster than I intended. He was constantly calling me, morning, afternoon, and evening, and he insisted we see each other every day. 

At some point, I tried to draw back because I didn’t want to jeopardise my relationship. But it was a long distance relationship, and my partner rarely made time for us. So it was easier to lean into the friendship with Tayo. He knows I like food and was constantly taking me to try new places. 

Even when we stayed out late, we’d drink together and enjoy each other’s company. But I hadn’t invited him to my place and he hadn’t invited me to his.

Tayo: I remember how strict she was about not letting me come to her place or inviting me inside when I did. At some point, I wanted to give up the chase and move on. But because I felt certain that she was who I wanted, I knew I couldn’t back down.

Dasola: One day, we went out and got back really late. I was way too tipsy, but I refused to go over to his house. We ended up sleeping at a hotel, and we had sex.

Oh

Tayo: She was less resistant to me after that.

Dasola: I was still reluctant to accept him as another lover. So I made him a fling and kept my boyfriend around. Since Tayo was big on honesty, I told him what I’d decided, and he was cool with it.

How then did things become official?

Dasola: We continued with the fling situation for about eight months, and everyone was happy. But Tayo was still persistent about wanting to settle down with me. The following year, I turned 30 and started to realise that I wanted something serious that actually led to marriage. 

My partner was still telling me he needed five years before he could consider settling down, and I didn’t have that time. Meanwhile, here’s Tayo who had been nothing short of sweet and perfect. So I took stock of my situation and decided to give him a real chance.

Tayo: As soon as she said yes, I wanted to move fast because I’d waited long enough. I don’t know if my baby mama was stalking me, but she heard about Dasola and me. 

Is that when you got that call, Dasola?

Dasola: Yes. 

Shortly before Tayo took me to see his parents. Someone called, warning me to steer clear of him, that he isn’t a good person, he’s a serial cheat who has a baby mama and an eight-year-old. It was surprising to hear, but I didn’t react emotionally. I simply called Tayo and told him everything the caller said. 

That’s when he came clean, told me about his baby mama and how his parents didn’t like her.

Tayo: On another day, while we were at the bar where we used to hang out, my baby mama waylaid us and attacked Dasola. It was a really chaotic scene. I had to calm both women until things settled down. 

Dasola went home and then invited me over to her place. We had a long conversation about what happened. She seemed very calm and genuine despite what had happened, and that inspired me to speed things along. After that incident, I took her home to my parents and they received her with open arms.

Dasola: And true to his words, his parents were honest about everything the day I met them.

Tayo: My parents really liked Dasola from day one. They could see she was different from my baby mama.

How did you really feel about the incident, Dasola?

Dasola: I wasn’t fazed about her. I saw it as fair competition. We both weren’t married to him, and even though she lived with his parents, they didn’t like her. I knew in my heart that Tayo would never end up with someone his parents were against. He respects them, so she wasn’t real competition.

How has the relationship progressed since?

Dasola: The early days were filled with fights. We argued so much that people kept asking why we were still together. Many of the issues stemmed from the way Tayo spoke to me. He raises his voice when he’s upset, and I don’t respond well to that. Sometimes, his tone was condescending, which only made our disagreements worse. There were moments when it felt like we were arguing more than enjoying the relationship.

Tayo: Looking back, we were still figuring each other out and learning how to communicate. It took time, but we’ve gradually found a balance. These days, when one person is upset, the other usually tries to stay calm. Dasola is the more rational one when emotions are running high, and I think that’s helped us handle disagreements much better than we did at the beginning.

What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Dasola: I’ve gotten to know him beyond the version most people see. We started living together just a few months into the relationship, so I got to see what he’s like in his most vulnerable moments. I’ve learnt a lot from him. I grew up in an environment where most chores were outsourced, and even after I moved out on my own, I still preferred to outsource almost everything. 

I’m also a little disorganised. Tayo is the complete opposite. He gets upset if shoes aren’t arranged properly or if I move items around the house. Living together taught me to be more intentional about those things.

Tayo: Living together helped us understand each other much faster than we would have otherwise. We approach certain things differently, but we’ve found a system that works for us. Instead of expecting one person to do everything, we both contribute in our own ways and support each other where we can.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Dasola: I’d give us an 8. We’ve had a rocky start, but I think we’re finding our balance now. We’re learning how to communicate better and support each other. I’m hopeful about where we’re headed.

Tayo: I’d also give us an 8. She’s very hardworking and career oriented. I thank God that I have her in my life. 

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you’ve enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We’ve partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it’s about to be your favourite book.

.

Curious about how Nigerians actually feel, we asked people to share their experiences, fantasies and opinions on cuckolding. Here’s what they had to say.

“Watching my babe with other men turns me on” — Seun, 31

“I’ve always had this thing where I imagine what I look like from the outside when I’m with someone I’m attracted to. I think that’s where it started. Whenever my babe and I go clubbing, I genuinely enjoy watching other guys dance with her. Seeing her confidence, the way she moves and how much attention she gets does something for me.

The funny thing is that I don’t really focus on the other guy. In my head, I almost project myself into the situation. It’s more about watching her than watching him. I’ve only ever explored this dynamic with my current partner because there’s a level of trust between us. We’ve been together for years, and it’s one of those things that adds excitement to our relationship.”

“It’s on my bucket list, but only with my husband” — Chioma, 27

“I won’t lie, it’s one of those adventurous things I’ve always been curious about. The idea fascinates me, but it’s not something I’d ever consider with a random boyfriend. For me, there has to be a ridiculous amount of trust and security before I even think about something like that.

I’ve always been attracted to unconventional people, so I imagine whoever I eventually marry will be open-minded enough to have conversations about things like this. Until then, it remains a fantasy more than anything else. I can imagine it, joke about it and discuss it, but actually doing it with someone who could disappear from my life next month makes absolutely no sense to me.”

“I tried it once and still don’t know how I feel about it” — Hawwal, 34

“When I was in university, I attended a very private house party where people were encouraged to come with their actual partners. It wasn’t some huge public thing. It was low-key, invitation-only, and built on trust among the people there.

I convinced my girlfriend at the time to come with me. Looking back, I think curiosity carried me more than anything else. In the moment, it felt exciting because everyone involved seemed comfortable and there were no hard feelings. But after it was over, I couldn’t decide how I actually felt. I don’t regret the experience, but I’ve never repeated it. Outside of a very specific environment like that, I don’t think it’s something I’d be interested in exploring again.”

“It became one of our ways to keep things exciting” — Ada, 28

“My boyfriend is bisexual, and that was part of what initially attracted me to him. I’ve always found the idea of men being attracted to other men interesting, so it never felt strange to me.

Over the course of our relationship, there were moments when I watched him share that side of himself, and I found it exciting. Interestingly, it never turned into a group experience because that’s where I personally draw the line. For me, the appeal was always in observing rather than participating. These days, it happens far less often because our relationship has become more settled and grounded. We’re focused on building something serious now. Still, it remains one of those experiences that helped shape our relationship and brought us closer during its more adventurous phase.”

“For me, it’s about trust, not the other person” — Kemi, 32

“I think people assume the appeal is always about sex, but that’s not how I see it. What fascinates me is the level of trust involved. The idea that two people can be so secure in their relationship that they can be adventurous without everything falling apart is what interests me.

I’ve never actually done anything like that, and I don’t know if I ever will. But I don’t judge people who do. Relationships already come in so many forms. What works for one couple might be a complete disaster for another. Personally, I’m less interested in the act itself and more interested in the psychology behind why some couples are drawn to it.”

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

°Őłó±đĚý is returning on August 22, 2026, in Lagos! Come learn from finance experts and industry leaders, and partake in unfiltered conversations about building wealth and diversifying your income stream in a country like Nigeria. Real stories, expert advice you can actually use, and a community ready to build wealth together. .