Dayo* (29) and Tomisin* (27) met in 2022 when a mutual friend connected them. 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about how a failed NYSC posting pushed them together, dealing with uneven efforts from one party, and how a phone screenshot almost ended it all.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Dayo: We met through a mutual friend in 2022. Our mutual friend referred Tomisin to me because I helped people sort out their NYSC postings. 

From her very first message to me, I could tell she was a warm, chatty person. She easily asked questions and made conversation, even though we had never spoken before. It threw me off because I was in professional mode and wasn’t expecting that energy. I actually had to call my mutual friend and ask her, “Does this girl know me from somewhere?” She said no, that’s just how Tomisin is with people. 

Tomisin: I couldn鈥檛 tell whether he was being professional or just rude. I was doing my best to be friendly and warm, and he was giving me these flat, one-word responses. Like he was just tolerating the conversation. I didn’t know what to do with that. 

I thought, 鈥淥kay, this person is not interested in small talk.鈥�

So I pulled back and just focused on the business at hand. But it was confusing because I鈥檇 heard good things about him from our mutual friend, and the energy did not match.

Screaming. But how did the posting conversation go?

Dayo: It was a disaster, which had never happened to me before. My plug failed, and Tomisin was sent to Edo for camp. She鈥檇 been specific about wanting Lagos, and I gave her my word because I always had a 95% success rate. 

Tomisin: I was devastated. I cried and sent him a heated voice note. My mum was also upset, and she sent him a voice note when he didn鈥檛 pick up our calls. It was a whole thing because this was not what we agreed on. He had assured me that everything was taken care of, and that I鈥檇 be serving in Lagos like I wanted.

Dayo: This was the first time my plug had failed me. I didn鈥檛 even know what to do, and her mum鈥檚 voice note made it worse. She wasn鈥檛 even angry. She just sounded really hurt, like I鈥檇 intentionally put her daughter in harm’s way. 

I explained that I would get her redeployed after camp, but she was already in tears. So I went to her house to meet her and her parents in person. I sat down with them, apologised properly, and promised that the redeployment would happen. Then, on the day she was leaving for camp, I followed her all the way to the park. And before she boarded, I gave her 鈧�20k. 

Oh. Why did you do that?

Dayo: I just felt bad. It wasn’t her fault, and she was going somewhere she hadn’t planned to go. I wanted her to at least have something in her pocket.

Tomisin: That gesture really got me. And while I was in camp, he kept checking on me and even sent more money. That was when I started seeing a different side of him. The professional, dry-response guy was gone, and there was actually a very caring person underneath.

What happened after camp?聽

Dayo: I got her redeployed to Lagos as I promised, and I lowkey thought that would be the end of our interaction. But I found myself texting her and checking on her even after everything was resolved. She was struggling with her PPA placement, so I helped with that, too. And before I knew it, we had built a friendship. I always had one reason to text or call her.聽

Tomisin: It was so funny how he went from this 鈥渙ne-word texter鈥� to constantly being in my DMs. We talked almost every day. And what stood out was that he actually paid attention. If I mentioned in passing that something was bothering me, he would come back to it later and ask how it was going. 

Most people let things like that slide, but not Dayo. I don鈥檛 think I鈥檝e met anyone as attentive as him. 

Nice. So at what point did you realise you liked each other?

Dayo: It was gradual on my end. I started noticing I was going out of my way to reach out to her even when I didn鈥檛 have a reason. I was just looking for excuses to talk to her. But even then, I still wasn鈥檛 sure what the feeling was.

Then, one day, during a conversation with our mutual friend, she mentioned that we鈥檇 actually make a cute couple. I think that was the first time I pictured us together and I couldn鈥檛 get the thought out of my mind. I knew she was single, so I felt it was a done deal in a way. 

Tomisin: I actually wasn鈥檛 trying to date anyone. I had relocation plans, and I didn’t want to get into something that was going to turn into a long-distance relationship. So even though I was starting to like him, I wasn’t going to make any moves. I just let things be.

So who made the move?

Dayo: I did. I asked her out in February 2023. 

Tomisin: I said yes. By that point, I had decided to go with what felt right rather than overthink the relocation thing. He was good to me, and I liked him. So it was a very easy yes. 

What were the early days of the relationship like?

Tomisin: Not the best period of my life. I didn’t have a job at the time. My plans to relocate weren鈥檛 going the way I wanted. Things were generally not looking up, and I was in a low mood for a lot of that period. Dayo was trying his best; he was very generous and showed up in ways I genuinely didn鈥檛 expect. I really appreciated that, but I was just unhappy. It had nothing to do with him.

Dayo: I couldn’t stand seeing her sad. I鈥檇 tried to pull some plug for a job, but it didn鈥檛 work. A part of me felt really frustrated because we were supposed to be in the honeymoon phase of our relationship, but Tomisin was constantly sad and worried. 

At some point, beyond offering words of encouragement and trying to speak on her behalf, I felt I needed to do something about her situation. So I put her on a monthly allowance. I also took her out regularly, making sure she had what she needed for day-to-day life.

My NYSC hustle was going well at that time, and I had forex income on top of it, so I was comfortable enough to do it without feeling the strain.聽

I even had the idea at one point of opening a small breakfast cafe and setting Tomisin up to manage it. That one didn’t work out in the end, but I was thinking about how to set her up properly. 

But then, things slowed down for me financially in 2024. And that was tough.

I鈥檓 sorry. What happened, though?

Dayo: My NYSC plug passed away. So that whole side of my income just stopped. And the forex trading had become slow, too. So the money wasn鈥檛 coming like it used to. Luckily, around that same time, Tomisin had started picking up freelancing and was earning well. So I felt relieved that she wouldn鈥檛 feel the bite after I stopped her monthly allowance. 

But that’s when I also started noticing something about her.

What did you notice?

Dayo: That she is stingy. Not frugal, actually stingy. Before, I鈥檇 always assumed she was disciplined about saving and careful about spending. I respected that. But when I was the one who needed something, I saw what it actually was. I would ask her for as little as 鈧�10 or 鈧�20k, and she would look me in the eye and tell me she didn鈥檛 have it. I knew she was lying. 

Sometimes she would give it, but then she would make sure she collected every kobo back. It was strange to me. My girlfriend, whom I鈥檇 done a lot for when she wasn鈥檛 in a position to do for herself.

Tomisin: I prefer to say I am frugal. I have always been careful about money. I don’t believe in giving it away just because someone asks, unless it is a genuine emergency. That鈥檚 how I was raised and how I operate. Dayo is not the first person in my life to call me stingy. I’ve heard it from people who know me. It doesn鈥檛 offend me because I know my intention is to be responsible with what I have.

But doesn’t that bother you? That your partner calls you stingy?

Tomisin: Not really. I鈥檝e heard it many times. I know who I am with money, and I’m not going to pretend. But I also want to push back on some of what Dayo says. Not everything he calls stinginess is stinginess. Sometimes I genuinely don鈥檛 have money to give, even if there’s a number sitting in my account. Money can be allocated; it can be tied to something; it might not even be entirely mine. He doesn鈥檛 always consider that. Once he believes that I have money, he expects me to splurge or readily give when he asks.

Dayo: I hear that. But when you’ve been with someone, and you’ve done as much as I did for her during the period she was struggling, and then when the tables turn, they’re lying to your face about 鈧�20k, that goes beyond being frugal. 

Did you ever bring up these concerns with her?

Dayo: I did. I sat her down and called her stingy to her face, and like she said, she didn鈥檛 flinch. She basically just said, ” Yes, I know I’m like that.鈥� 

That response shocked me because I came prepared for a real conversation, and she just responded as though it was old news.

Tomisin: I also want to say something else about this. I sometimes genuinely question how broke Dayo actually is when he says he is broke. He鈥檇 say he doesn’t have money, and then the next minute he鈥檚 suggesting a date or doing something that costs money. So it鈥檚 hard for me to know when to take the complaints seriously and when it鈥檚 just a habit of speech. I’m not saying he doesn鈥檛 have moments of need. But the signals are often confusing, which affects how I respond.

Dayo: That鈥檚 because I know how to manage. I still want to make it a good time for us, even when things are tight. That doesn’t mean I’m not genuinely struggling.

So, did you guys ever land on a fix?

Dayo: Not really, it got to a tipping point around March. My car broke down and needed serious repairs. I was looking at about 鈧�500k, which I didn鈥檛 have at the time. So I went to Tomisin and asked if she could l loan me. She said she didn’t have the money. I knew from how she said it that she was lying. I found a way to get into her phone, looked at her account balance, took a screenshot of it and sent it directly to her.

Tomisin: That was a serious violation of my privacy. He went through my phone without my permission, then took screenshots of my bank details and sent them to me like it was a normal thing to do. I don’t care what his reason was or how frustrated he was. That鈥檚 not okay. You don’t go through your partner’s phone, and you definitely don’t screenshot their financial information and use it against them in an argument.

Dayo: I wasn鈥檛 trying to invade her privacy for no reason. I was tired of being lied to. If she had just said, I have the money, but I can鈥檛 loanit right now, I would have accepted that. I wouldn鈥檛 have liked it, but I would have accepted it. What I couldn鈥檛 accept was being looked in the face and told she didn鈥檛 have money when I knew she did. I needed her to stop lying to me.

How did you guys resolve this?

Dayo: We stopped speaking for about two months. No calls or texts, nothing. I think that鈥檚 the longest we have gone without speaking since we got together. It was bad. I was angry and missed her terribly, but I wasn鈥檛 going to reach out. Then she did in May.

Tomisin: I apologised; not for everything, because I still believe he shouldn鈥檛 have gone through my phone. But I apologised for my role in how things escalated. I didn鈥檛 want to lose what we had over a fight about money.

Dayo: But it still hasn’t been properly resolved. I love her and I’m not going anywhere. I just need her to actually work on that aspect. Because it’s not even just with me. I watch her decline her siblings’ requests. She’ll say no to family members very pointedly. And that worries me a lot, especially with someone I plan to build a family with. 

Tomisin, is he right about the family part?

Tomisin: He isn鈥檛 entirely wrong. I鈥檓 the same way with money across the board. It鈥檚 not something I only do with Dayo. My siblings and friends have experienced it. I know it can read as cold or uncaring even when that鈥檚 not my intention. I am not someone who says no because I enjoy saying no. I say no because I have always felt strongly that money has to be treated seriously. But I also recognise that there is a version of being careful with money that crosses into cold-heartedness. I鈥檓 trying to do better. It鈥檚 a work in progress.

Dayo: It makes me think sometimes. Not about whether I love her, because I do. But I think about the bigger picture. Marriage, having children, and going through hard seasons. You can鈥檛 do any of that with a partner who disappears when things are tight. 

You mentioned trying to do better, Tomisin. What steps have you taken?

Tomisin: I now have a budget that I put aside for random requests. So it makes it easier for me to pull from that when anyone comes to me. Even if I can鈥檛 give them all they ask for, I鈥檒l have something for them. With Dayo, I鈥檓 learning to do things a lot more in our relationship. I admit I鈥檝e gotten used to having him play the sole provider role, but these days, I鈥檓 opening my purse a little more.

There are times I freak out, especially when I spend huge sums. For instance, we went to a fancy place for his birthday and spent 鈧�150k. I just kept drawing different scenarios in my head of how that money could have been better utilised. 

I think there’s a version of me that can give more freely. I just need to get there in my own way and at my own pace. It’s not something that changes overnight.

Fair enough. What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Dayo: Everything else, honestly. This money issue is real, and I am not trivialising it. But outside of that, Tomisin is genuinely one of the most enjoyable people I have spent time with. She is funny. She has a way of thinking about things that I find interesting. She went through a genuinely hard period when we first got together, and she didn鈥檛 collapse. She kept pushing. I respect that a lot. 

She makes me want to show up. Even when I have my own problems, I still want to make sure she’s okay. That’s not something I’ve felt with everyone. 

Tomisin: He鈥檚 one of the most caring people I鈥檝e ever met in my life. I know I frustrate him with the money issue, and I know it has caused real damage between us. But I also know that what he has brought to this relationship is something I don鈥檛 take for granted.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Dayo: 7. We鈥檙e a work in progress, and I think we鈥檝e both been intentional about keeping the relationship going. We might get to a 10 before the end of the year

Tomisin: 7 also. We’re still figuring each other out. But the foundation is solid and we’ll be fine.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

If you鈥檝e enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We鈥檝e partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it鈥檚 about to be your favourite book.

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Mira (26) and  Tom (30) connected on social media in 2015 but didn’t interact until 2023. 

On this week’s Love Life, they discuss why Mira’s escape plan backfired spectacularly, what it means to build a marriage across continents and cultures, and how faith has kept them together through everything.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Tom: We met on social media in 2015. We鈥檇 been following each other for about four years on Instagram and Facebook but barely interacted. We just existed in each other’s feeds, occasionally reacting to each other鈥檚 stories and keeping it moving. 

Then, in 2023, I reacted to something she posted on her Facebook story 鈥� I can鈥檛 even remember what it was 鈥� and she responded. That’s when everything changed.

Mira: Tom鈥檚 account always seemed suspicious because he barely posted anything. I thought it was fake for years. Who has a profile with almost no posts?

At some point, he reacted to my Facebook story, and we started engaging with each other鈥檚 posts. Around the same time, though, I found out he was trying to talk to one of my friends, which I thought was weird. So I ignored him until he came around again in 2023. That鈥檚 when our story really began.

Right. Let鈥檚 talk about that first real interaction in 2023

Tom: It was just a normal conversation.

Mira: Was it normal, though? 

When he reached out again, a part of me felt like, 鈥渙h, this fake account guy鈥�. I wasn’t actively looking for a relationship, but I was open to possibilities. 

I assumed he was in my DMs to flirt so I replied to see where the conversation would go.聽 It was so random, but he started talking about African products. He was telling me how much he loved African black soap, shea butter and cocoa butter. Most people don鈥檛 care about those things the way he did. I remember thinking, “What exactly is this guy talking about?”

 To make sure he was real, I asked him to send me a video. Once he did, I realised he wasn鈥檛 a catfish. But I was still confused about why he cared so much about African products.

Tom: I’ve had a deep interest in African culture since I was young. I remember telling my classmates in Europe that I鈥檇 marry an African. They laughed because there weren鈥檛 any Africans where I lived, but it was something I genuinely wanted. So finding out Mira was African felt like a real connection point for me. Like the universe was saying, “Yes, this is what you’ve been looking for.鈥�

Nice. How did your relationship progress after that first conversation?

Tom: We actually stopped talking for a while and went back to liking each other’s pictures on social media. Then I travelled to Asia for a modelling job, and for some reason, I couldn鈥檛 get Mira out of my mind. So I reached out again. That鈥檚 when we started having video calls and really getting to know each other. 

Mira: We talked for about three consecutive months as friends, and it felt like we鈥檇 never stopped talking at all. It was odd because we’d followed each other for years without talking, and then we suddenly couldn’t stop. 

Tom is a model, so travelling is a huge part of his life. His work also helped him secure a modelling contract in the Philippines, where I lived at the time. So we made plans for him to visit.

Curious, Mira. You mentioned you weren鈥檛 exactly in the headspace for something new. What changed with Tom?

Mira: I saw his pictures and thought, 鈥�Okay, he鈥檚 cute.鈥� But beyond that, he was calm and easy to talk to.

One thing that stood out was how present he was; he replied to messages in record time. I was used to guys taking hours to respond to 鈥渕aintain鈥� some kind of steeze. But that wasn鈥檛 Tom. He responded as soon as my messages came in, and I liked that. Before I knew it, I鈥檇 gone from not being interested in a relationship to wanting to see where things could go between us.

Makes sense. What was it like finally meeting in person?

Top: That was one hilarious moment. I arrived in the Philippines and went straight to the apartment my modelling agency provided. Later, Mira came to see me on her motorbike. The first thing I noticed was how shy she was. She looked like she wanted to turn around and go home.

Mira: I was incredibly nervous and shy. The funny thing is that he didn鈥檛 help matters. He seemed just as panicked, which made me wonder if he wasn鈥檛 happy to see me or if I wasn鈥檛 what he鈥檇 expected.  I was ready to turn around and leave. But I reminded myself that we鈥檇 spent three months talking almost every day. No matter how awkward the moment felt, he was still the same person I鈥檇 been speaking to. So I stayed.

Looking back, I think we were both dealing with first-meeting nerves. Once we got past that, everything felt comfortable again. It was like we鈥檇 known each other for much longer than three months.

Tom: After our first meeting, we started going on dates and spending more time together. Mira stayed with me while I completed my three-month modelling contract in the Philippines.

We鈥檇 already grown so comfortable with each other online that being together in person made everything feel more real. We eventually started dating because it felt natural and right.

Wait, when did you ask her out?

Mira: There wasn鈥檛 a formal 鈥淲ill you be my girlfriend?鈥� moment. We just found ourselves inside a relationship. With Tom, I could be completely myself. He loved me exactly as I was, which meant a lot to me as a Nigerian who grew up in an Asian country. I know how difficult dating can be when you鈥檙e constantly navigating stereotypes and assumptions. Even when I dated other Nigerians, I didn鈥檛 always feel as secure as I did with Tom.

I never felt like I had to second-guess who I was around him, and my feelings naturally grew deeper because of that.

Still, I had to ask questions at some point. Like, 鈥淲hat we have is great, but what are we?鈥� And he was like, 鈥淲e鈥檙e together. We鈥檙e in a relationship.鈥� 

That was towards the end of 2023.

Fair enough. So what happened after you completed your contract, Tom?

Tom: I had to leave the Philippines, which meant we were thrown into a long distance relationship for a year.

It wasn鈥檛 easy, but we stayed consistent. We video-called every day, spent hours talking and remained present in each other鈥檚 lives despite the distance.

Mira: We actually had a conversation in the park before he left. He was completely honest with me. He said he didn鈥檛 know what the future would look like. He wasn鈥檛 from my country, and he was constantly moving around for his modelling career. He couldn鈥檛 promise how things would work long-term.

I was sad because I knew how hard long distance could be. But I trusted God. I believed that if what we had was genuine and real, it would work out regardless of the distance.

So when did you reunite? 

Tom: A year later.  I returned to the Philippines, and  I came back knowing I wanted to marry her.

Mira: I鈥檇 always made it clear that I wanted to date with marriage in mind. I didn鈥檛 want to invest years in anything that wasn鈥檛 going anywhere. Still, I didn鈥檛 expect things to move that quickly.

When he told me he believed I was the right person for him and wanted us to get married, I was shocked. But I said yes immediately. I didn’t need to talk to anyone. I just knew. We鈥檇 communicated so much and spent so much time together, even across distance.

What inspired this decision, Tom? 

Tom: Long distance was incredibly hard. There were temptations, loneliness, moments of doubt and darkness. But our faith kept us together. We called each other every day. We prayed and studied the bible together. We spent a lot of time talking about our beliefs. That spiritual foundation became our anchor. When I came back and saw her, I knew it was time to commit fully. It was time to marry her. 

Mira: Faith played a huge role for me, too. I grew up in a very Christian family, and my parents showed me what faith looked like in practice. As our relationship progressed, I saw Tom become more intentional about his relationship with God. His growth made me feel secure about our future.

I knew that even with the distance and all the challenges we faced, God was with us. That was one of the major reasons I said yes to marrying him.

When did you get married?

Mira: December 2024. My parents were surprised that I was marrying someone who wasn鈥檛 Nigerian, but they never opposed the relationship.

They also saw how intentional Tom was. He called constantly, stayed involved in my life and always showed up for me. They could see he was serious about me. The long distance didn’t worry them because they saw his commitment was genuine.

Tom: My parents were separated at that time, so the wedding logistics were complicated. But we had them on a video call during the ceremony.聽

The wedding itself was beautiful. I had to wear traditional Nigerian attire and do the traditional Nigerian wedding dances and customs. Her family made me go down on the floor and say all sorts of things in Yoruba. It was all new for me and I was nervous about it. But it was fun. I enjoyed it. I loved wearing the outfit and experiencing her culture directly. It was one of the best days of my life.

What were the early days of marriage like?

Tom: Everything was fine at first, but we quickly realised marriage was different from dating. 

Mira: The first year particularly wasn’t easy, and it had nothing to do with our marriage. We didn’t have issues transitioning to living together or adjusting to each other, but I had some unexpected health issues that made it hard for me to be present the way I wanted.

Beyond that, there were huge practical challenges. Long distance is great when you’re dating, but when you’re married, you’re suddenly thinking about where to settle, how to build a life together, nd where to have kids. 

His job requires constant travel. If he stops, he has to start over in a completely new field. And as an interracial couple, finding a place to settle with all the immigration paperwork and requirements is complicated. Instead of enjoying a honeymoon phase, we spent a lot of time figuring out logistics. 

Tom: The good thing is that those challenges never affected our marriage itself.  We never got to a point where the external challenges affected our love or made us want to leave. We kept communicating, praying and working through things together. And things got better over time. We stopped fighting our circumstances and accepted that long distance, travel and cultural differences would always be part of our story.

What were some specific challenges you had to work through?

Mira: The biggest challenge was figuring out where to build our life. We both didn’t grow up in one place. Tom left Europe when he was 18 to model. I grew up in the Philippines, not Nigeria. So we didn’t have a home country to return to together. That was complicated.

Finding a place where we could legally settle with all the paperwork was hard. Eventually, we chose Europe because my passport is stronger. But that meant both of us had to adjust to a new culture.

We also had differences in how we organise things. Tom is extremely organised. He obsesses about where everything is placed. If something is missing, even something as small as a pair of socks, he needs to know exactly where it is. I’m the complete opposite. I just throw my things anywhere. If I can’t find a pair of socks, I’ll just buy another one. Why stress about a pair when I can just get new ones? For him, that’s torture. He would obsess about finding that specific pair of socks. We argued about that a lot in the beginning. 

But here’s the thing that really got me. I thought I married outside of Nigerian culture to escape certain expectations. Then I found out he wants me to cook African food more than any Nigerian guy probably would want.

Tom: Yes, I really love African food. I grew up dreaming about African culture, about marrying an African woman, and experiencing African traditions. Now that I’m married to Mira, I want to experience all of it, including the food. I want her to cook jollof rice, fufu, and all these traditional meals. But I’m also learning to cook some of it myself. Her mum also helps out a lot.

Mira: I was so frustrated because I grew up in the Philippines. I’m not the best cook when it comes to African food. I don’t even eat some of these meals because I don’t know how to cook them properly. I remember thinking, ” Oh, wow, I thought I escaped the matrix鈥�. But here I am, married to a white European guy who wants jollof rice and fufu more than I do. It was ironic. 

Screaming. 

Mira: I think it鈥檚 all about making compromises. My mum cooks real African food for him. Sometimes we go to African restaurants.  Sometimes he gets to eat at my aunt’s house. And I’ve learned to cook some simple things. We figured it out.

Speaking of Tom鈥檚 job, did you ever struggle with jealousy or insecurity, Mira?

Mira: Absolutely. During the long-distance stage, it was hard not to overthink. The modelling industry is full of beautiful women, and I sometimes wondered whether he鈥檇 eventually find someone better. I remember him casually mentioning that one of his colleagues was pretty, and I spent far too much time thinking about it afterwards. But Tom is very honest. He doesn鈥檛 talk about other women in a way that makes me uncomfortable. And I realised that I’m also beautiful. 

Plus, I know him. If he wanted to be with someone else, he would just tell me directly. He would never cheat. He’s not wired that way. Once I realised that, I stopped overthinking. I trusted him, and it鈥檚 worked out.

Sweet. What鈥檚 the best thing about being with each other?

Tom: For me, it鈥檚 finding someone I can talk to about everything. Mira鈥檚 not only my partner; she鈥檚 also my best friend. We know everything about each other. There are no secrets or walls between us. And I love that about her. I love that about us.

Mira: Tom is present. Even during our year of long distance, he was always there for me. He’s loyal, honest and vulnerable. He’s not afraid to show his emotions or be strong when I need him. I love that balance. And the best part is that we’re helping each other become better versions of ourselves. We’re growing together spiritually, emotionally, in every way.

By December, our marriage will be two years. And we have some big news that we’re excited to share. 

Oh?

I’m pregnant. We’re going to have a baby soon. I feel like God made him to be my partner in this life.

Congratulations, guys. Excited for you. On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Mira: Definitely an 11. We鈥檝e survived almost two years of marriage. We navigated a long-distance relationship for a year. We overcame unexpected health challenges. Everything we thought would break us, we got through it with God. 

His constant travelling is still a challenge sometimes. But right now, we’re in such a good place. We’re really happy.

Tom: For me, it’s also an 11. Maybe even higher. I believe that everything, the good and the bad, is bringing us closer together and strengthening our relationship. 

I couldn鈥檛 ask for more.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

If you鈥檝e enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We鈥檝e partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it鈥檚 about to be your favourite book.

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Mayowa (25) and Mfon (23) first met in high school in 2017 but didn’t reconnect until 2023 at church. 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about how a health crisis brought them together, the vulnerable moments that solidified their commitment, and why they knew marriage was the plan from the very beginning.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Mfon: It was 2017. I was in year 10, and my dad had just transferred me from my old boarding school to a day school. My new school  really far from home, so I had to take the school bus every single day. Starting senior school as the new kid was a bit intimidating and overwhelming. 

One day, a year 11 student sat next to me at the front of the bus. His name was Mayowa. We didn’t have long conversations on that ride, but I remember distinctly noticing how quiet and withdrawn he was. That’s my clearest earliest memory of him.

Mayowa: I didn’t notice Mfon much at first. I’d been at that school for a while and was more like an OG on the school bus. We shared the front seat because there weren’t many spots up in the bus, so we were forced to interact. And that was how we started talking. We’d have random conversations 鈥� just typical teenage stuff. We probably knew each other for about half a term, maybe six weeks total, before we both left that school. It was really just a brief moment in time.

That was in 2017. How did you guys reconnect?

Mayowa: Church. We hadn’t spoken for about six years, but I knew Mfon on X because she tweeted a lot. That鈥檚 how I found out that we attend the same church. One day, I sent a text saying I’d been seeing her posts but never spotted her at church. I suggested we link up because I really loved seeing people I know at church. The day she finally showed up, I introduced her to everyone and told them we had gone to secondary school together.聽

Mfon: My memory of our reunion is a bit different. A mutual friend reposted his photo on IG, so I checked out his profile and followed him. Then a few months later,  the church text happened. 

We didn’t meet for a month after he texted. I’d been attending for over a year but hadn’t connected with anyone. I was walking toward the back when I heard people laughing. I turned around, and there he was, cracking everyone up. That surprised me.  I remembered him as quiet. 

He walked over, said hi, and introduced me to a bunch of people. That’s how I made my first friends in that church.

I鈥檓 guessing your friendship started that day. What happened next?

Mfon: He was in a relationship when we reunited, so we kept being friends. But then I fell ill and needed a blood transfusion. I dropped a message in a group chat we鈥檙e both in, saying I needed blood, and I included my mum’s contact.  I was shocked when he came to the clinic to donate blood for me. We weren’t even that close, but he showed up.

Mayowa: When I saw her message, I knew I had to go. She was family to me in church. Sadly, I wasn鈥檛 even able to donate, but I still went to check on her. 

About a week later, I called her phone to check on her, and her mum picked up. I was taken aback and asked about Mfon鈥檚 whereabouts, and she told me she鈥檇 relapsed and returned to the hospital. I rushed down immediately.

Mfon: It probably sounds weird, but I was so ashamed about relapsing. I didn’t want to tell my friends, including Mayowa. After he found out, he kept checking on me. I think that really solidified our friendship. We were constantly talking and texting each other. It became our daily routine.

Sounds sweet. Was this when you realised there were romantic feelings involved?

Mayowa: I can’t pinpoint an exact day or moment when I realised I had developed deeper feelings for her. For me, we didn’t plan anything; we kind of talked ourselves into it naturally.

I聽started to realise something was changing when聽it was becoming weird not to talk to Mfon every day. I鈥檇 also gotten out of my previous relationship, but I knew I had to be clear headed before getting into something new.聽

I gave myself about six months before I even said anything about my feelings to Mfon. I wanted to make sure it wasn’t a rebound or a mistake. I was also being really careful because I’d struggled with communication in past relationships, and I didn’t want to repeat those same patterns with her. 

Mfon: For me, it really came from an admiration point of view. I started observing and noticing so many incredible qualities about Mayowa that I hadn’t given much attention to; how thoughtfully he looked after his friends, how serious and intentional he was about his faith and his relationship with God. I began thinking about what the possibilities might be if we crossed the line from friendship into romance, but I wasn’t entirely certain or confident about it. I just knew that I had developed a soft spot for him and that he was becoming increasingly special to me. 

Then, one day, a few months into our friendship, he told me that he liked me. My exact response was, 鈥淚’m buying what you’re selling.鈥� It was such a simple statement but it felt true and right in that moment. 

Around the same time, a close friend sat me down and said something eye-opening. She said, 鈥淒o you realise you talk about him literally all the time? Your daily plans and activities are completely synchronized with his. We can’t plan anything without consulting him.鈥� 

That’s when everything clicked. She was absolutely right. I genuinely liked this guy more than a friend.

Mayowa, let鈥檚 talk more about confessing your feelings. How did that go?

Mayowa: I was on a trip when this conversation happened. I told her that I liked her and wanted to marry her. Not just casual dating, but getting married and building a life together. But I also laid bare my fears about entering into a relationship with her. 

I acknowledged that we’re really great friends, and I was genuinely scared of ruining our friendship if things didn’t work out. I also shared my struggles in past relationships, particularly with communication and vulnerability. I was honest about those weaknesses and told her how I was working to improve myself. I didn’t come in pretending to be perfect. I was transparent about where I was at.

Mfon: I didn鈥檛 take his words seriously at first because he was on a trip. I thought maybe he was just having a moment. But then he came back and asked for a proper conversation. He shared his concerns and fears openly, and I felt safe sharing mine in return. I told him that I needed to really know him on a deep level, not just for fun or surface-level companionship. I needed to truly understand what he stands for, his values, likes and dislikes, so I could predict his reactions and fully understand his personality. 

Now, I had this rule about not dating my close friends. I’d always said I couldn’t do it, especially with someone I saw regularly and felt close to. But then a pastor said something that really challenged that belief. He asked, ‘Those of you who say you won’t date your friends, is your enemy the person you want to marry?’ That comment stuck with me and made me reconsider my own rules. So I did a lot of soul-searching. I thought deeply about my future and what I actually wanted to have in it. I prayed about it extensively. And after all that reflection and prayer, I decided to give him a real chance.

When did you become official?

Mfon: He told me he liked me in September 2024. But we were in a talking stage until April 2025 because I had a personal standard of needing a long talking stage before becoming officially exclusive with someone. I always said I would never date anyone until I’d had substantial conversations with them for a full six months. If it took too long to wait, they were free to leave. But once we both understood clearly that we wanted to make the relationship work, it just made sense to take it to the next level and become official.

What were the early days of dating like?

Mfon: They weren鈥檛 much different from when we were in the talking stage. The transition felt seamless. We just kept talking constantly and being together. We literally did a 56-hour FaceTime call at one point. We were so immersed in talking to each other that we kept the call going and going. We’d fall asleep on the call, wake up, and continue the conversation without missing a beat. 

I’d be at work and ask my boss for a minute to talk to him. Even during meetings, I’d step out just to check in. By 10 p.m. every single night, no matter how exhausted he was from work, he would call. It became such an ingrained habit and routine for us.

Mayowa: It felt that way because we weren’t spending tons of physical time together. She was staying with her parents, and I was staying alone. We’d see each other at church and go on dates, but we got so used to talking every day that if we didn’t see each other’s face on FaceTime, it felt like we were arguing. Even now, I promise we just talk. It’s embedded in our system. I think talking like that really helped us become great friends, genuinely. We talked ourselves into affection. 

So Mayowa鈥檚 communication struggles from past relationships were non existent with you? 

Mfon: He turned out to be the extreme communicator. If something happens now, he wants to talk about it immediately. He’s always calling and messaging. He even jokes that he’s the caller in the relationship. I never experienced the things he said he struggled with. I think he just saw me and decided he was ready to be serious.

Mayowa: If something bothered me, I鈥檇 mention it right away. 

But there was one time we had a bigger misunderstanding and we couldn’t settle it on a call. 

We apologised and communicated like we used to, but it still didn’t feel settled. The next day was church, and when I saw her, I was wondering why I’d even been mad. I asked her if we could go out after service because I just wanted to be with her. Once we were together, the situation was resolved.

Sweet. At what point did you realise you wanted to spend the rest of your life together?

Mayowa: There was a moment, I can’t say exactly when, where I laid down my fears completely. I was completely unfiltered about where I was in life and where I was trying to get to. That day we didn’t say 鈥滻 love you.鈥� We said, 鈥淚 choose you.鈥� That word felt deeper than love because it showed that in thick and thin, I’m choosing this person for life. 

When she said she chose me, something shifted in my head. I realised this was someone who fell in love with a basic version of me and chose me despite everything. That meant so much.

Mfon: It was the same moment for me. There was a time when I genuinely thought he was going to leave. We鈥檇 gotten into a little squabble, and I wasn’t 100% sure we were going to end up together; this was still during our talking stage. But he drove to my house in the middle of work and shattered my walls with his words. Later that night, he sent me text messages saying he never thought anybody would really love him if they knew the true him, and how thankful he was. That day we both knew we’d choose each other forever.

So after that moment, how did things move towards marriage?

Mayowa: I was ready for marriage from the moment I asked her out. The next step after dating was always going to be marriage. It was only a question of when.

I proposed in April, and it wasn’t a shock to her. It was just me officially asking her to be my fianc茅e and giving her the proposal of her dreams. I’d already planned the wedding venue and everything.

Mfon: After my last relationship in university, I made a rule that the next person I dated would be my husband. I spent years in other situations and talking stages, but nobody ticked my boxes. Then Mayowa came and hit every single one. I had my non-negotiables, and he just came in perfect. Five out of five on everything. Honestly didn’t think I would be surprised when he proposed, but I cried. I actually helped plan my friend’s birthday earlier, and I thought the proposal event was for that. But it was mine. I was shocked and just so happy. We鈥檙e getting married in June. 

Congratulations. Has wedding planning stressed you?

Mayowa: We鈥檝e been able to work through it together. I’m very involved in the planning. If she’s tired, I take over. If someone is stressing her, I stress them back. If there are things that really matter to her, I prioritise them. We just make decisions together without fighting about colours or styles. If something matters to one of us, we do it.

Mfon: It’s been really easy because we’re doing it together. He’s very hands-on and takes a lot of the weight off my shoulders. The only stressful part was planning the female Aso-Ebi because I did that alone. But he’s always protecting the things I want. He makes sure to emphasise why the things I want are important and why they have to happen. This whole process has really helped us bond because we realise that prioritising each other over everyone else is what matters. If he doesn’t want something, it’s not happening.

What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Mfon: The best thing is the assurance of growth. I know that by the end of this year, I won’t be the same person. He reminds me of the things I said I would do. We have financial, spiritual, and career goals. Being with Mayowa is an assurance that you鈥檒l grow in so many areas. And the growth isn’t one driven by tough love. I鈥檝e felt loved while growing. I鈥檝e never felt alone.

Mayowa: Honestly, the best thing is getting to spend the rest of my life with her. Before we started dating, one of my biggest goals was to move from being avoidant to being secure. She’s the most loving person I know. When someone loves you that much, it’s easy to love back.

I used to love my personal space, but when she’s not in that space, it doesn’t feel personal anymore. I want to spend every single day with her. That’s how much she means to me. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Mayowa: I’d rate it a 10, or even more. I don’t know what more I need. I’m extremely happy. The only greater love story I know than ours is the one of Jesus Christ on the cross. 

Mfon: Definitely a 10 and then some. Every time I think this is the best it can be, it just gets better. I know that by the end of this year, something will happen that makes me love him even more. 

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

If you鈥檝e enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We鈥檝e partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it鈥檚 about to be your favourite book.

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Dasola* (31) moved to Ibadan in 2024 to start over after her mother’s death. Then, she met Tayo* (39). 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about going from a temporary distraction to moving in together and dealing with the mother of his eight year old son. 

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Tayo: I first noticed Dasola at a hotel in Ibadan in March 2024. 

She was working in the lobby, and I immediately became interested in her, so I sent the receptionist to get her attention. When that didn’t work, I sent a waitress. Eventually, I had to summon the courage to approach her myself. That first conversation turned into a mini-date. 

I found out later that she worked remotely and used the hotel as her unofficial work station.

Dasola: That’s not exactly how I remember it. 

I had just moved to Ibadan after my mother passed away. I left Lagos and all its chaos and got a hybrid job as head of marketing and communications at a travel and exam prep agency. On the days I worked remotely, I’d go to the bar of a hotel near my house to use the light and just relax while working. 

One day, I went there as usual and noticed the bar was closed as I was getting off my bike. While I was figuring out my next move, he walked up to say hello. I was impatient because I had a meeting in a few minutes, but he assured me the place would open soon. He sounded so confident that I decided to wait. 

That’s how we started talking.

What piqued your interest in each other?

Tayo: I’d been coming to that bar for a while, but she was the first unfamiliar face I’d seen. That immediately sparked my curiosity. But she was always working on her laptop, really focused and career oriented. That’s what got me genuinely interested in her.

Dasola: I didn’t really notice him at first. But once I did, there was a bit of platonic interest. I’m very attracted to the fine things of life and Tayo looked really good. But I couldn’t pursue anything because I was seeing someone else at the time.

I just wanted to have fun, make new friends in Ibadan, and cope with my grief after losing my mum. But Tayo was very persistent about going on a date. He seemed really sweet and gentle, so I agreed for him to be my friend.

Tayo: I’d been in a lot of on and off relationships but nothing seemed to stick. I also had a baby mama who was still in my life, but I had no intention of getting married to her. I was looking to date seriously and find someone who could be my lifetime partner.

How did that first 鈥渕ini-date鈥� go?

Tayo: We talked and you couldn’t even tell we’d only just met. I wanted to get to know her as a person and see if she’d be a great fit for me. I didn’t want to end up in a situation where things got serious, we got married, and then realised we weren’t good for each other. I’d already had the baby mama situation and didn’t want to repeat that mistake. So I asked a lot of personal questions about her life and her work, and I liked everything I heard.

Dasola: We went to another bar just beside the hotel. He ordered everything I wanted and I ate with so much relish. I immediately told him about my relationship status so he could manage his expectations, and that helped keep things controlled. 

He was a perfect gentleman and completely non-judgmental. Smoking was my coping mechanism at the time. There’s a stereotype about girls like me who smoke cigarettes, but Tayo was gentlemanly enough to light one for me, and when it finished, he sent someone to get more. 

Tayo: I was sad when she told me she was in a relationship, but I didn’t give up. A part of me felt like whatever she had going on with the guy wouldn’t work out. And I was right, which is why we’re here today. I was very patient and consistent with her.

Did you also immediately tell her about your baby mama, Tayo?

Tayo: I didn鈥檛.

Dasola: No.聽I didn鈥檛 know until one random day after we鈥檇 started dating. I got a call from a strange number.

Before we get to that, how did things progress from friends to dating?

Tayo: We went on many more friendly dates together. Dasola is very entertaining to be around and that made it easy to grow our bond. We both don’t keep a lot of friends, so we were all we had. I got so comfortable talking about everything with her, and my feelings kept getting stronger.

Dasola: I felt he love-bombed me. Things moved faster than I intended. He was constantly calling me, morning, afternoon, and evening, and he insisted we see each other every day. 

At some point, I tried to draw back because I didn’t want to jeopardise my relationship. But it was a long distance relationship, and my partner rarely made time for us. So it was easier to lean into the friendship with Tayo. He knows I like food and was constantly taking me to try new places. 

Even when we stayed out late, we’d drink together and enjoy each other’s company. But I hadn’t invited him to my place and he hadn’t invited me to his.

Tayo: I remember how strict she was about not letting me come to her place or inviting me inside when I did. At some point, I wanted to give up the chase and move on. But because I felt certain that she was who I wanted, I knew I couldn’t back down.

Dasola: One day, we went out and got back really late. I was way too tipsy, but I refused to go over to his house. We ended up sleeping at a hotel, and we had sex.

Oh

Tayo: She was less resistant to me after that.

Dasola: I was still reluctant to accept him as another lover. So I made him a fling and kept my boyfriend around. Since Tayo was big on honesty, I told him what I’d decided, and he was cool with it.

How then did things become official?

Dasola: We continued with the fling situation for about eight months, and everyone was happy. But Tayo was still persistent about wanting to settle down with me. The following year, I turned 30 and started to realise that I wanted something serious that actually led to marriage. 

My partner was still telling me he needed five years before he could consider settling down, and I didn’t have that time. Meanwhile, here’s Tayo who had been nothing short of sweet and perfect. So I took stock of my situation and decided to give him a real chance.

Tayo: As soon as she said yes, I wanted to move fast because I’d waited long enough. I don’t know if my baby mama was stalking me, but she heard about Dasola and me. 

Is that when you got that call, Dasola?

Dasola: Yes. 

Shortly before Tayo took me to see his parents. Someone called, warning me to steer clear of him, that he isn’t a good person, he鈥檚 a serial cheat who has a baby mama and an eight-year-old. It was surprising to hear, but I didn’t react emotionally. I simply called Tayo and told him everything the caller said. 

That’s when he came clean, told me about his baby mama and how his parents didn’t like her.

Tayo: On another day, while we were at the bar where we used to hang out, my baby mama waylaid us and attacked Dasola. It was a really chaotic scene. I had to calm both women until things settled down. 

Dasola went home and then invited me over to her place. We had a long conversation about what happened. She seemed very calm and genuine despite what had happened, and that inspired me to speed things along. After that incident, I took her home to my parents and they received her with open arms.

Dasola: And true to his words, his parents were honest about everything the day I met them.

Tayo: My parents really liked Dasola from day one. They could see she was different from my baby mama.

How did you really feel about the incident, Dasola?

Dasola: I wasn’t fazed about her. I saw it as fair competition. We both weren’t married to him, and even though she lived with his parents, they didn’t like her. I knew in my heart that Tayo would never end up with someone his parents were against. He respects them, so she wasn’t real competition.

How has the relationship progressed since?

Dasola: The early days were filled with fights. We argued so much that people kept asking why we were still together. Many of the issues stemmed from the way Tayo spoke to me. He raises his voice when he’s upset, and I don’t respond well to that. Sometimes, his tone was condescending, which only made our disagreements worse. There were moments when it felt like we were arguing more than enjoying the relationship.

Tayo: Looking back, we were still figuring each other out and learning how to communicate. It took time, but we’ve gradually found a balance. These days, when one person is upset, the other usually tries to stay calm. Dasola is the more rational one when emotions are running high, and I think that’s helped us handle disagreements much better than we did at the beginning.

What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Dasola: I’ve gotten to know him beyond the version most people see. We started living together just a few months into the relationship, so I got to see what he’s like in his most vulnerable moments. I鈥檝e learnt a lot from him. I grew up in an environment where most chores were outsourced, and even after I moved out on my own, I still preferred to outsource almost everything. 

I’m also a little disorganised. Tayo is the complete opposite. He gets upset if shoes aren’t arranged properly or if I move items around the house. Living together taught me to be more intentional about those things.

Tayo: Living together helped us understand each other much faster than we would have otherwise. We approach certain things differently, but we’ve found a system that works for us. Instead of expecting one person to do everything, we both contribute in our own ways and support each other where we can.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Dasola: I’d give us an 8. We’ve had a rocky start, but I think we’re finding our balance now. We’re learning how to communicate better and support each other. I’m hopeful about where we’re headed.

Tayo: I’d also give us an 8. She’s very hardworking and career oriented. I thank God that I have her in my life. 

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you鈥檝e enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We’ve partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it’s about to be your favourite book.

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Ife* (27) and Ibrahim* (30) met as freshers in 2016 after gaining admission into the same university.

On this week鈥檚 Love Life, they talk about the housing scam that brought them together, falling in love as coursemates, the six-month relationship break that pushed them into other people鈥檚 arms, and the difficult journey back to each other.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

What鈥檚 your earliest memory of each other?

Ibrahim: I met Ife in 2016, during our first few weeks in university. We were coursemates, so we saw each other almost every day, but were just two people who exchanged greetings whenever our paths crossed. 

A few weeks before resumption, I paid an agent for accommodation. The hostel was undergoing final renovations and was supposed to be ready shortly after school resumed.  But when I got to school, the agent kept giving excuses. Every day, it was one new story.

I was squatting with a friend at the time, so I didn鈥檛 panic initially. But after about four weeks, I realised something was wrong. The agent stopped answering my calls and nobody knew him. It turned out that I鈥檇 been scammed and the hostel didn鈥檛 exist.

Then, the friend I was staying with gave me a deadline to leave. I remember sitting in class that week, completely stranded.

After class one day, I stood up and told everyone what had happened. I said, 鈥淚f anybody knows somewhere I can stay, please help me.鈥� Nobody really responded, and I left feeling embarrassed. A few minutes later, Ife came after me.

Ife: Most of us were still new students trying to find our footing, so I could imagine how stressful it must have been. We exchanged pleasantries, and he seemed like a cool person. I had a cousin who was a year ahead of us and lived off campus with some friends, so I told Ibrahim I鈥檇 speak with him.

I didn鈥檛 even know if there would be space. I just felt compelled to assist him at that moment.

Ibrahim: Two days later, she called and said her cousin said I could move in. She didn鈥檛 stop at connecting me with her cousin. She actually helped me move. I still remember her carrying bags and helping me settle in.

I鈥檇 never experienced that kind of kindness from someone who didn鈥檛 owe me anything.

Aww. What happened after that?

Ife: We just started spending more time together. We studied together, attended classes together and ate together. Sometimes, we鈥檇 leave class and spend hours talking about random things. It was a lot of getting to know each other better.

People started assuming we were dating long before we actually were. But assumptions like that were pretty normal in 100 level. Once people see students of the opposite gender moving together, they automatically assume something is going on.

Ibrahim: Looking back, I can see where the assumptions came from. If I was going somewhere, Ife was probably there and vice versa. Ife would call me when she was confused about an assignment. I鈥檇 call her when I wanted company. We became each other鈥檚 favourite person without ever discussing it.

I knew I was starting to like her more than a friend. I just didn鈥檛 know if she liked me too. Unless they expressly state it, you can鈥檛 assume they like you like that. 

Did you like him, Ife?

Ife: I definitely did. He was funny, dependable and easy to talk to. Our friendship felt effortless. We had this stupid game where we鈥檇 see who had the loudest fart. I couldn鈥檛 do that with any random dude without fear of judgment. That鈥檚 how free I was around Ibrahim.

Even though I could tell he liked me, I wasn鈥檛 really thinking about dating at the time. We were freshers. School had just started. I wasn鈥檛 trying to jump into a relationship.

At what point did things change?

Ibrahim: Towards the end of our first year. 

We were preparing for our departmental dinner, and everyone was so excited about it. I didn鈥檛 think it was a big deal, but then I was nominated for 鈥渂est dressed fresher.鈥� That was when I really got into it. 

As I was planning outfits and tickets, I heard another guy was planning to buy a ticket for Ife and ask her out. I was so livid when I heard that, I suddenly realised I wasn鈥檛 comfortable with another guy making a move on her. I knew the guy had eyed Ife a couple of times, and we鈥檇 even joked about him together, but I didn鈥檛 know he was that serious about her.

I was initially planning to attend alone, but after this revelation, I had to switch tactics. I can鈥檛 even remember what I told my parents I needed money for, but I got it and bought a couple鈥檚 table for us. 

Ife: I remember laughing because I genuinely didn鈥檛 think it was a big deal. The guy could鈥檝e bought all the tickets he wanted but it doesn鈥檛 mean I鈥檇 have accepted him. The fact that he didn鈥檛 even think to ask me before telling other people was enough of a red flag. 

But Ibrahim became strangely interested in the situation, and showed up with our couple鈥檚 ticket. It was both funny and sweet at the same time because I kept wondering where the energy was the entire time before that. 

How did the dinner go?

Ibrahim: We were the only ones in our entire 100 level set to sit on a couple鈥檚 table. Everybody was looking at us, and honestly, I liked it. 

Ife: In a way, it felt like our relationship status changed that night without either of us formally saying so. The whole energy was different, and you couldn鈥檛 tell anyone we weren鈥檛 already an item.

Ibrahim: After the dinner, I finally asked her out properly. Thankfully, she said yes. I was so elated that I didn鈥檛 even have time to brood over losing the best dressed award. 

So you were officially dating

Ife: Yes. The early days were very simple. It didn鈥檛 feel like we had to do anything extra to fit into the boyfriend and girlfriend role. 

It helped that we were already close friends before anything romantic started. We didn鈥檛 have to learn about each other from scratch. We already knew how the other person spoke, what annoyed them, and how they reacted when they were stressed. If we misunderstood each other, it never lasted long. One of us would call, or we would see each other on campus and talk things through until it made sense again.

So it felt natural. It didn鈥檛 feel like we were trying to build something new. 

Ibrahim: Everything was so easy and we both didn鈥檛 have to try too hard. We were always around each other. If I didn鈥檛 see her in the morning, I would see her later in the day, and if I didn鈥檛 see her on campus, I would probably run into her on the way back to the hostel or in a friend鈥檚 room.

We would eat together when we could, study together when exams were close, and just sit and talk about anything when we were tired of school. 

Ife: We basically grew through university together. It got to a point where it was hard to talk about my university experience without mentioning him. If I had something good happen, he was usually the first person I told. If I was stressed about something, I also went to him. 

Even our friends started seeing us as a pair. If they saw either of us apart, there was the slightly accusatory 鈥淲here is XYZ?鈥� question that came at us. It was funny. But then, almost like a blink of an eye, graduation happened in 2021 and we had to be apart for a really long time.

But why?

Ibrahim: I had to go back to Lagos, and she returned to Ede.

We were now in different places, trying to figure out what came next. It wasn鈥檛 like we suddenly stopped caring about each other, but you don鈥檛 even realise that you鈥檙e slowly pulling away from this person.

At first, we tried. We would call, text, try to maintain the same energy we had in school. But it didn鈥檛 feel as natural anymore. Sometimes, one of us would be busy with our own things and forget to check in. Slowly, the gaps became noticeable.

Ife: We talked less frequently, and when we did talk, the conversations didn鈥檛 last as long as they used to. Sometimes, we would go a full day without speaking, then two days, then it started stretching longer.

And because we were both adjusting to life after school, it was easy to excuse it. We would say we were busy or tired or trying to figure things out. But underneath that, the relationship was changing. We also started arguing more. Things that we would normally laugh off or talk through quickly started turning into issues. 

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Curious. Did you guys discuss what a long distance relationship would look like before graduation?

Ife: To be honest, it always worried me, but Ibrahim would wave it off. There was this one time we went on ASUU strike, and our communication was complete shit. That was when I first thought about what life after graduation would look like, but Ibrahim didn鈥檛 think it was an issue.

Ibrahim: I take the blame for that. I don鈥檛 like to overthink and stress about problems that don鈥檛 exist yet. So every time she brought it up, I鈥檇 reassure her that we would cross the bridge when we got there.

So how did you resolve things?

Ibrahim: Ife brought up the idea of taking a break from the relationship.

Ife: It was just something I felt we needed at the time. I was very intentional about assuring him that we were not breaking up. At least that was how I saw it. I just felt like we needed space to breathe and figure ourselves out without the constant pressure of maintaining the relationship.

It felt like maybe if we stepped back a little, we would come back better.

Ibrahim: I didn鈥檛 like it at all. I remember telling her that breaks usually don鈥檛 end well. In most cases, they just become the beginning of the end. But I could also see that we were struggling. So I eventually agreed, even though I wasn鈥檛 comfortable with it.

I didn鈥檛 want to be the one holding us back from trying something that might help. But I was right. The break was a terrible idea.

What happened?!

Ibrahim: At first, it felt like a release. With no emotional responsibility on my shoulders, I got with some girls I鈥檇 been eyeing while Ife and I were together. Some stopped at casual flirting and some involved no-strings-attached sex. But I told myself the flings wouldn鈥檛 go anywhere because I still had Ife. 

But after a while, it wasn鈥檛 as freeing as I thought it would be. I would be out, and I鈥檇 still think about Ife. Sometimes, I would catch myself comparing conversations, or wondering what she would think about something I had done.

Ife: I wasn鈥檛 interested in going from person to person or trying to replace what I had with Ibrahim. But there was someone I had always had a quiet interest in, and during the break, we got closer. 

Yet, I still found myself thinking about Ibrahim more than I expected.

Did you actually agree to see other people during the break? 

Ibrahim: It wasn鈥檛 expressly stated, but I guess it was just somewhere in the air. Like, do whatever you want and I鈥檒l do whatever I want.

Ife: We still spoke occasionally during the break. Just small check-ins or greetings, small interactions that felt strange. We were no longer speaking as a couple, but we were also not fully disconnected.

After a while, I started hearing things from mutual friends. People were saying Ibrahim had been with other girls. I told myself it didn鈥檛 matter because we were on a break, but hearing it still got me upset. That was when I realised I was still more emotionally attached than I wanted to admit.

Ibrahim: I also started hearing things about Ife. I remember that it stayed in my mind for a long time. Even though I was also seeing people, hearing it about her felt different. That was when I realised the break was actually doing more harm than good. We didn鈥檛 specify how long the break was for, but it felt like it was time to have a frank conversation about what we were doing.

Who reached out first?

Ibrahim: I did. I told her we needed to talk properly, but in person.

Ife: I wasn鈥檛 sure I wanted to see him at first. Too many things had happened, and I didn鈥檛 know what the conversation would even look like. But I also knew we couldn鈥檛 keep avoiding each other forever. So I agreed. 

We both told our parents we had clearance matters to attend to so we could travel to school.

Ibrahim: We stayed in a friend鈥檚 hostel. I remember the first time I saw her again. It didn鈥檛 feel like seeing the same person I left behind. We just kept going around the bush and asking unrelated questions. It was all super awkward until Ife said something like, 鈥淲e have to be honest.鈥�

Ife: I told him we had to talk about what we鈥檇 gotten up to during the break before we could even consider reconciliation or where the relationship was headed. 

Ibrahim: We talked for a long time, and it was a tough conversation. Even when I didn鈥檛 go into detail, she would stop me and ask questions. That made me very uncomfortable, but we kept going because there was no other way to deal with it.

Did talking change anything?

Ife: It helped in a way. It hurt hearing everything, but we鈥檇 both agreed to take a break, and we didn鈥檛 expressly state the terms of what the break entailed. So there was no point trying to hold anything against each other.

If anything, the break only reminded us how we truly felt about each other.

Ibrahim: At some point, we just sat there without talking. And then, I leaned in to embrace her. We started crying together until things got intimate. We had another conversation the next day, and that was when we decided to try again.

It鈥檚 been two years since then, and we鈥檙e still together. She worked her NYSC to Lagos and has stayed since then, so distance is no longer an issue.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Ife: I鈥檒l say 8. We learnt a lot the hard way, but we are still here.

Ibrahim: I鈥檒l give it a 9. We found our way back to each other.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

Childhood friends Korede* (41) and Derin* (37) grew up on the same street in Lagos. On this week’s Love Life, they talk about losing touch for years, finding each other again at the wrong time, and the long, complicated road it took to finally be together.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Korede: That’s a hard one because we go so far back. We grew up on the same street in Surulere and attended the same primary and secondary school. So there isn’t one particular memory; she was always in the picture. What I can say is that when her family eventually moved away in 2003, I really felt her absence. I didn鈥檛 realise how much I loved having her around until she left.

Derin: I feel the same way. I don鈥檛 think there鈥檚 any single first memory I can recall. We were childhood friends who grew up together and did everything together.  We were present in each other鈥檚 lives; we had the same friends, and our families knew each other. But yeah, we had to move at some point, and that was really painful. I couldn鈥檛 imagine leaving my friends, my childhood home, and everything I鈥檇 grown up with.

Left to me, I鈥檇 have stayed back and lived with any kind neighbour who would have taken me in. But I also knew it was impossible.

What happened after her family moved, Korede? Did you keep in touch?

Korede: We lost contact for a really long time. Both of us were too young to own phones. However, when Facebook came out, I tried to find her online, but her name was so common that I kept connecting with the wrong person. It was frustrating. I would think I’d found her, only to realise it was someone else entirely. I eventually gave up.

Derin: I actually never forgot Korede. He was that one childhood friend I always wanted to see again. But I didn’t really search the way he did. Life moved very fast for me after we relocated. There was school, there was adjusting to a new place, and then I lost my dad. I barely had time to waste at the cybercaf茅. My friends at school talked about Facebook, MySpace, and the rest, but I was too busy to spare the time. Plus, my mum got extra strict after we lost my dad. 

Right. So at what point did you guys reconnect? 

Korede: 2010. Funny enough, it happened on Facebook. I was scrolling one evening when her name came up as a friend suggestion. I almost kept scrolling, but something made me stop and click on the profile picture. She had changed a lot, but the face was unmistakable. I sent a message, and she responded, and that was it. We finally heard from each other again after seven long years of silence.

Derin: I was genuinely happy when he reached out. We spent the next few weeks talking almost every day, catching up on everything we had missed. It felt like no real time had passed. 

So was it purely catching up, or was there something more there?

Korede: For me, there was always something more. But I guess I never brought it up earlier because I felt we were still too young. I just always assumed she鈥檇 always be there. But then they moved, and that was when I really started to realise that I liked her more than normal. 

After we reconnected, I hoped she would be single. But I found out she was married, had one child and was expecting another. I was really disappointed. I wanted to ask so many questions because she was just 21, and I couldn鈥檛 understand why she was already married. But I controlled myself. At the time, it wasn鈥檛 uncommon for women to marry early. Still, I couldn鈥檛 hide how I felt.

Derin: I sensed his disappointment even though he acknowledged it directly. And I understood why. But that was my reality at the time, and I couldn鈥檛 do much to change it.

I didn鈥檛 want the marriage itself, especially not so early. But my dad鈥檚 demise really disrupted our family. And as the first child, there was a lot of pressure from my mum. She really wanted me to get settled quickly.  When someone came along, it didn鈥檛 take long to get things in motion. I barely had much to say on the matter. I also didn鈥檛 really even know much about Korede鈥檚 feelings at the time. Even if I did, there wasn鈥檛 much we could do. 

I see. So I鈥檓 guessing you guys just maintained a friendship? 

Derin: That was mostly it. We saw each other occasionally. If one of us had a party or a gathering, we would invite the other. But it stayed like that for a while. Then, around the third time we met in person, I confided in him about my marriage 鈥�  how I didn鈥檛 really feel genuine love from my husband. He wasn’t cruel or anything like that, but there was no warmth between us. We were ages apart, so our views were completely different. I told him how  I鈥檇 once considered just running away and starting life somewhere else. I also complained about how my mum had gone from loving and caring to someone who just wanted to use me as a means to an end.

I think I opened up to Korede that day because I felt safe confiding in him. He knew me from my childhood, before I became anyone’s wife or mum. 

Korede: It broke my heart to hear it. Derin had always been one of the most alive people I knew growing up; bright, sharp, full of energy. The experience she was having was so far from what I would have imagined for her. But there was nothing I could do except be a friend. So that’s what I focused on.

What was your love life like around this period, Korede?

Korede: It was barely existent. I had female friends from university, but nothing solid. And the fault is mostly mine. In a way, I always felt I had to reach a certain financial point before I could approach a girl. And since I was still hustling my way, I didn鈥檛 want to be spending the little I had on romantic ventures that wouldn鈥檛 lead anywhere. 

Still, I had people I had casual sex with, and we kept it moving. But there wasn鈥檛 anything serious. 

Fair enough. And how did your relationship with Derin progress over time?

Korede: We just continued as friends. Although I won鈥檛 lie, it felt weird knowing she was married. But I didn鈥檛 let that get to me because she didn鈥檛 make it her personality. I could still crack jokes with her like the old times. I remember another friend who got married and said I couldn鈥檛 call her by name again because it was disrespectful. Derin was nothing like that. She even stopped me from calling her by her firstborn鈥檚 name.

Then, in 2012, she told me she was trying to go back to school and asked for my help. I was more than happy to give it. She wanted to go to UNILAG, and I pulled some strings with some of my old lecturers. But that鈥檚 when her husband got involved.

Derin: I didn鈥檛 really mention Korede the whole time because I felt it wasn鈥檛 necessary. But when the school thing happened, it became necessary. So I invited Korede to our house and told my husband he was the one helping me with the admission process. He seemed genuinely thankful, and I thought that was all there was to it. 

But after a while,  he became convinced something was going on between us. He showed up at my school unannounced one day, and because Korede was there, he flared up. The whole thing got blown out of proportion. He involved both our families, and I felt really stupid defending my friendship.

Korede: At first, I was even trying to act all defensive. But the moment the family was involved, I could tell it was no longer a trivial matter. So I stepped back completely. I was also preparing to relocate to Abuja, which made the decision easier. We didn鈥檛 keep in contact for a few years after I moved. Then I heard the worst news in 2014.

What happened?

Korede: A family friend who was visiting in Abuja told me that her husband passed. I immediately felt bad for her. Someone so young with two kids losing her husband that early? I wouldn鈥檛 even wish that on my worst enemy. That same week, I reached out to Derin to offer my condolences.

Derin: To be honest, he had crossed my mind a few times, and I wanted to reach out. But I didn鈥檛 want to cause any problems. I also wanted to tell him when my husband died, but I guess I never got around to it. So when he called, I was really glad. We spent more time catching up on the last few years again, and then I invited him to the funeral. 

Oh. Was that a good call, considering the history?

Derin: I wasn鈥檛 even thinking about that when I extended the invitation. I just needed to see another face other than my in-laws and my own family. They were extremely annoying during that period. I also knew that despite the accusations, there was nothing between us. 

Korede: I attended the funeral just to show up for a friend, and it was definitely the wrong call. Her mother, who used to be fond of me when we lived in the same area, barely acknowledged my presence or greetings. The atmosphere was cold, and I could feel people pointing fingers at me. Immediately, I sensed what was happening, and I knew it was best to keep my distance from Derin. I only came to show up for her as a friend. But the optics were really bad.

Derin: I can still remember the looks. It was as if everyone decided I was already moving on because I brought a man to my husband’s funeral. 

Like he said, we didn鈥檛 really talk that day. Even though it had been almost three years since we last saw each other in person. After he left, I remember sending a thank-you note and not really keeping in touch afterwards. 

Curious, what was that period like for you, Derin?

Derin: Very difficult, I can鈥檛 even lie. My husband and I weren鈥檛 exactly the best lovers, but having him around gave me a sense of security. I didn鈥檛 have to think too much about finances or anything like that. But suddenly, it was just the kids and me. 

Everyone around me also had a clear idea of what my life should look like from that point forward. My mother was extremely unbearable. She would tell me regularly to face my children, that they were my husband now. What did that even mean?

But even though I hated hearing it from people, my kids were really my priority at the time. I didn鈥檛 have time for much else.

And did you still keep your distance during this period, Korede? 

Korede: We never fully stopped communicating. There were stretches where we spoke often and stretches where everyone just went about their own business. But she was always somewhere in my mind. 

I鈥檇 also been engaged to someone else, but things didn鈥檛 work out. I didn鈥檛 tell Derin about the engagement, but we got closer again after the lady and I went our separate ways. Of course, it was mostly on the phone. I was in Abuja, and she was still in Lagos. Over time, I started to admit to myself that my feelings for her were still very much alive. But considering her situation, I didn鈥檛 know how to bring it up. So I just kept on being in touch and didn鈥檛 say much.

Derin: I noticed. He became more consistent and intentional about reaching out. We would talk about life, the things we鈥檇 both been through and how we were still in each other鈥檚 lives. Over time, we got comfortable enough to start actually being truthful about how we felt with each other. He would say things like, “He should have been the father of my two kids,” and so on. After a while, we started a long-distance courtship.

How long after your husband鈥檚 demise was this, and were your family aware?

Derin: I think this was around 2016. My mother was firmly against it. She said it was too early.  My late husband’s family was also still deeply involved; they came around regularly for the kids, and always wanted to be in my business. The idea of me seeing another man felt like a betrayal to them. 

Korede: My family also had their own concerns once I told them. They knew and liked Derin as a person. But they worried about what starting a life with someone who already had two children, with a late husband’s family still actively in the picture, would mean for me. 

Right. How did you manage all of that?

Korede: We tried to lay low for a while and just keep doing our thing. I came to Lagos a few times, and we met up, but those few times, Derin didn鈥檛 really feel comfortable. She was constantly worried, as if she didn鈥檛 want us seen publicly. 

It was annoying but also understandable. The pressure from every side also made it very difficult to hold on. My parents didn鈥檛 even always want me to mention her; she was also on and off. She could go weeks not picking up my calls, and when she finally does, it鈥檚 to complain about something her in-laws did. Eventually, I got tired of the whole thing and we agreed to step back and give each other space.

Derin: Honestly, it was the right call even though it hurt. No matter how we tried, the relationship couldn’t grow under the conditions we were dealt with. The beautiful thing about all this is that, even when we agreed to step back, it was from the relationship and not the friendship. We still called each other once in a while, but it wasn鈥檛 like it used to be.

Korede: During that period, I also reunited with my ex-fianc茅e, who had broken off our engagement. We tried again, and things went better this time, and we even had a child together. But the relationship didn’t survive. It ended after three years, and I was left as a single father raising a child on my own. That period really made me think about Derin. Because I kept imagining how she was able to raise two kids on her own and pursue a university degree while doing so. It was no small feat.

Was this when he reached out again, Derin?

Derin: Yes, he told me his relationship had ended and that she had left their child alone. 

Then, in that same year, my mother-in-law passed. Then my own mother, not long after. I know it sounds strange to say, but something changed when they died. Those had been the two loudest voices opposing our relationship. With them gone, things changed rapidly. 

Korede: We started talking again, and by 2023, we had found our rhythm again. My parents didn鈥檛 have much choice but to support me this time around, seeing as my last relationship went.

We鈥檝e spent the last couple of years just building our lives and our relationship.

Derin: I moved to Abuja in early 2024. We are not living together yet. But being in the same city makes it feel like we鈥檙e actually in each other鈥檚 lives for real. Unlike when it was mostly phone calls and rushed weekend trips. Abuja also gives us privacy to just be ourselves and figure out our lives without people judging us or dictating what we can or cannot do. 

Considering everything you’ve both been through, what鈥檚 the best thing about what you have with each other?

Korede: Derin knows me. We started so long ago that the foundation is already there. You can’t manufacture the kind of bond we share. There鈥檚 genuine friendship that spans decades, and then there鈥檚 the love we share for each other. I truly think she鈥檚 my soul mate. 

Derin: He sees me as someone with a future, not just a past. After years of feeling defined by my losses 鈥� my father, my marriage, my husband 鈥� Korede looks at me and sees someone who still has somewhere to go. He doesn’t look at my children like they are burdens or treat me like someone who should be loved out of pity. I鈥檓 truly blessed to have him in my life.  

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Korede: 8. We鈥檙e still building our relationship, and I believe we鈥檙e still writing our stories.

Derin: I鈥檇 give it a 9. I鈥檓 saving the 10 for when we become husband and wife in the real sense of it.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

Fade* (35) and Gbenro* (38) met in 2017 after Gbenro relocated from Ekiti to Lagos. 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about their fast-moving love story, how their marriage struggled after they let a stranger into their home, and why they鈥檙e still committed after almost a decade together.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Gbenro: I met Fade in 2017 at my aunty鈥檚 place. She had been teasing me for a while about this fine girl in Lagos she wanted to introduce me to. I had just relocated from Ekiti, and I barely knew anyone in the city. She was like a big sister to me, so I trusted her judgment. The day we finally met, I liked Fade immediately. She was really cheerful and didn鈥檛 give room for any awkwardness.

That same day, we went to the cinema and afterwards had pepper soup at a spot in Ojuelegba. I didn’t say anything to her that day, but I already knew I liked her and wouldn鈥檛 mind pursuing something serious.

Fade: That same aunty was like a big sister to me, too, and she had also been teasing me about introducing me to someone. I was open to it because I naturally make friends easily. 

When we met, I also found him easy to be around from the start. He seemed level-headed, kind and funny. I can鈥檛 lie, it was a good first outing. I think I was actually shocked that his aunty was right about everything she had said about him. It wasn鈥檛 the first time one of my mum鈥檚 friends had tried to matchmake me with someone, and I was always disappointed. But with Gbenro, it was an instant hit.

Right. I鈥檓 guessing you were both single at the time?

Fade: Yes, I was. I had deliberately kept things platonic with the guys around me for about a year.聽My boyfriend of three years had relocated and ended things; I was healing from that and wasn鈥檛 looking for anything serious.

I was just open to meeting new people.

Gbenro: I was also single and feeling behind in my dating life. I had always wanted to marry young, but God had other plans for me. I just had a lot of delays鈥� school, NYSC, landing a job, and finding my feet. It was the same with my love life. A lot of my friends had gotten married and started having kids, and in a way, I felt like my clock was ticking. That was why I was really keen on meeting this person my aunty had been raving about.

So when I met Fade, and liked what I saw, I knew I wanted to be intentional about her.

Sweet. So what happened after that first outing?

Gbenro: We became close very quickly. I was still trying to settle into Lagos life, and Fade was happy to show me around. She always had somewhere to go, a food spot to try, or friends to visit. I was a proper JJC, and she made the city feel like home.

After three months, I asked her out. It felt like the natural next step for me. I had grown fond of her, and I knew what I wanted. I asked, and she said yes.

Fade: I had grown fond of him, too. He’d shown me who he was over those three months and I liked what I saw. 

As he said, everything felt so natural between us and dating just felt like the next step. I鈥檇 also spent time away from relationships because I knew I wanted to go the long haul with whoever I dated next. As soon as I was sure it was Gbenro, I went with it. I also prayed about it, and something in my spirit assured me it was the right decision.

And how were the early days of the relationship?

Fade: Really smooth. There was a solid friendship underneath everything from the start. We had the same values, enjoyed each other’s company, went out a lot, and explored the city together. Things just felt easy in a way that surprised both of us. In those early days, Gbenro would always joke about how we hadn鈥檛 gotten in a fight or something, and I鈥檇 tell him to be careful what he wished for. 

Gbenro: That part is so funny. I remember having a talk with my brother, and he couldn鈥檛 understand why I was bothered that I was enjoying a stress-free relationship. 

But yeah, barely a year in, I started thinking about marriage. I brought it up with  Fade, and that was the first time I sensed some form of hesitation from her.

Fade: The marriage part scared me. Yes, he was kind, funny, level-headed, and financially stable, but things were moving fast. We had only been together a year, and marriage felt like a huge commitment to be making so soon.聽

I almost backed out entirely.

But you stayed

Fade: Gbenro was very patient. He didn’t rush me or make me feel pressured. He just kept reassuring me and being exactly the person he had been from the first day. Plus, our families and friends had gotten involved by then, and everyone was so encouraging. 

I looked at everything and decided to put it all in God鈥檚 hands. Usually, when I want to make serious life decisions, I always embark on a dry fast and I鈥檇 usually get my sign. I got my sign about a month later, and that was when I gave Gbenro my answer. Of course, I told him to wait for my answer first before a public proposal or anything like that. We got married the following year. 

Curious, Gbenro. Did her hesitation worry you?

Gbenro: Not really. I understood where she was coming from; a year is too soon to start discussing marriage with someone. But I also don鈥檛 think there鈥檚 any point wasting time when two people know what they want. We were both clear on what we wanted at the time. I guess I just needed to push more and offer more reassurance. And that was a little price to pay. 

Nice. So how did things progress over time, especially after the wedding?

Fade: Really sweet at first. We were in the honeymoon phase, and it lasted a while. But then, it was all cut short when I got pregnant almost immediately. And with the pregnancy came a severe illness. It started as morning sickness, then it got worse. I could barely get through a day. Eating was a struggle; keeping anything down was a struggle. I was constantly taking breaks from work, and even at home, I couldn’t be left alone for too long.

Gbenro: I know she remembers the beautiful part, but I still think of that time as an extremely difficult period.  I wanted us to get over having kids as soon as possible, but I definitely wasn鈥檛 thinking about starting in our first year of marriage. At first, I wanted to suggest an abortion until we were fully ready, but I saw how sick she was, and I didn鈥檛 want us to take the risk.

I spent the bulk of my time at work worrying about what was happening at home. My siblings were back in Ekiti, and her siblings were still in school, so there was nobody readily available to be with her. I think her mum was also sick at the time, so she couldn鈥檛 really help. Eventually, my aunty sat us down and suggested we hire a domestic help. 

Oh

Gbenro: I resisted the idea at first. I鈥檇 heard ugly stories, plus it wasn’t something either of us had imagined as part of our early marriage. But Fade’s situation made it unavoidable. She needed someone present during the hours I was away. Also, since the person was coming from my aunty, we felt we could trust her. My aunty always had maids, and I鈥檇 never heard her complain. So I knew she had a way with them. 

Fade: And honestly, the first person we got was wonderful. She was kind, reliable, hardworking and very easy to have in the home. It felt like having around, and I felt stupid for a while for even kicking against the idea in the first place. 

But then, she travelled home for Christmas that year and simply never returned. At first, we thought she was spending extra time with her family, but after about a week, we tried to reach her. But she was unreachable. Eventually, Gbenro鈥檚 aunty told us to move on. She said some of them can be like that. They only come to Lagos to work for a while and reunite with their family after saving up.

I was already very close to my delivery date at that point, and that was when I needed help the most. Luckily, Gbenro鈥檚 found another person for us. She also seemed really sweet, hardworking, and genuinely eager to help. At that point, you couldn鈥檛 tell me anything about domestic staff because I only had good experiences. But we were in for a long ride with the second lady. 

Why? What happened

Gbenro: After a while, I started noticing things. Whenever Fade went to the hospital for appointments, and I was home, this girl’s whole energy changed. She became overly attentive, hovering around me and finding reasons to be in whatever room I was in. The moment Fade came back, she would return to normal. At first, I told myself I was imagining things. I didn’t want to create a problem where there wasn’t one. So I ignored it and carried on.

Fast forward a few months, Fade鈥檚 hospital trip had reduced significantly, and she was always home. We鈥檇 also welcomed our child, and Fade barely had time to attend to me. So our help dialled up on the niceness again. Except this time, I didn鈥檛 really complain because, between trying to get her old self back and nursing our newborn, Fade didn鈥檛 really have time for me.

Fade: I didn’t see anything unusual in her behaviour at first. To me, she was simply good at her job, and I was grateful for that. But I soon noticed that Gbenro was changing.

He always had one complaint when I was handling something, especially food. He鈥檇 say I shouldn鈥檛 stress because she could handle it. He also stopped coming to me when he couldn’t find clothes or items around the house; he would call for her first without even thinking to check with me. That started to bother me, although I didn鈥檛 really know what it was yet.

Did you say anything to him?

Fade: I raised it with him a few times, and each time he dismissed it. He said I was overwhelmed with the new baby and reading too much into things. He reminded me that the whole reason we hired help was to reduce my stress, and I shouldn’t be looking for problems. I let it go because he seemed so sure. But I just couldn鈥檛 shake the feeling that something felt weird. To make it worse, we started having disagreements that turned into real fights, all of it in front of our maid. 

Gbenro: I guess in retrospect, I can see things more clearly. But at the time, I wasn’t connecting the dots. I was chalking all the small arguments and growing distance between us to the stress of a new baby and the adjustment to early marriage. 

So at what point did you realise there was a problem?

Fade: My mum visited us and opened my eyes to things I鈥檇 been ignoring. At some point, she took me aside very quietly and got into a lengthy lecture about how I had to wake up. She first insisted that I should do the cooking for my husband and serve, then the maid could do everything else. She also restricted the maid from coming into our main bedroom. At first, I thought she was being dramatic, but I couldn鈥檛 even argue. Those were things I did gleefully for my husband, and they strengthened our bond in a way, but between pregnancy and motherhood, and someone who could take the stress off, I鈥檇 gotten too comfortable. 

After my mum left, I started watching more carefully. Things I had been too exhausted or too distracted to do before, I started doing. Then, I think the following month, I told Gbenro she had to leave.

Gbenro: That was not a smooth conversation at all. I pushed back hard. I kept saying she was efficient, that we still needed the help, and that Fade was being unreasonable. I made excuse after excuse for that girl to stay. In hindsight, I can see exactly how that must have looked and felt to my wife. Although at the time I thought I was just thinking practically.

Fade: His resistance troubled me more than anything the maid herself had done. But eventually, she left. Gbenro realised how serious I was. 

Did things get better between you guys after she left?

Fade: We stabilised a bit. Things calmed down, and we were finding our footing again. Then I got pregnant a second time, and the illness came back just as severely as before. Then Gbenro, without my knowledge, brought the maid back.

I almost went mad. Not just because he had brought her back, I could have perhaps understood that given how ill I was. What I could not get past was that he was in touch with her. 

I kept asking him why, and he couldn’t give me a clear answer. He got defensive and accused me of saying he had cheated. That made things worse because that wasn’t even the core of my question. My question was why he felt the need to keep in touch at all. The tension in the house during that period was something I don’t have proper words for. 

Gbenro: In a way, we can laugh about this thing now, but it wasn鈥檛 funny then. I was defensive because I felt cornered. Like, I knew how much trouble we went through before we found a maid, and this was someone we knew. She worked well with our son; we could trust her. When I called and asked if she was available, she said she was. So why bring a random stranger to the house when we could already trust someone with our child? But Fade didn鈥檛 see it that way. About a month later, the girl left. She said she couldn’t handle the hostility in the house.聽

Fade: By that time, Gbenro and I weren鈥檛 even seeing eye to eye. 

Must have been tough. How did you get through it?

Fade: I think for me, it got to a point where I felt like the whole thing was a spiritual attack on our marriage.  So I became very intentional about prayer in a way I hadn’t been before. I believe we survived it by the grace of God. I don’t say that casually. 

Gbenro: Beyond the spiritual 鈥� and I agree with Fade on that 鈥� we also had to make an active choice to stay and do the work. We had hard conversations and had to start rebuilding our love from there.

And the maid situation, did you ever hire help again?

Gbenro: Never again. It has been over five years now, and we have kept to that. If we ever need support, we rely on relatives.

Fade: That鈥檚 something we鈥檝e both agreed on. I know some people hear that and think we are being extreme. But we know what we went through and who we are. That decision protects our home and we are both at peace with it. 

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Gbenro: 9. We’ve been through enough to know what we have is real. The one point is a reminder that we can still get even better.

Fade: I鈥檒l give us 8.5. Any marriage that鈥檚 still standing after almost a decade means there鈥檚 something worth fighting for.  

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

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Komi (31) and Layo (30) met at the University of Ibadan in January 2013.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about getting pregnant in their third year together, being forced into marriage by their parents, losing their first baby, and building a life while navigating judgement and early parenthood.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Komi: I met Layo at the University of Ibadan in January 2013. I was heading to the park to board a taxi when I spotted my friend, Suliat, with a group of girls. I immediately noticed Layo; she was light-skinned, pretty, and had nice hips. So, I called Suliat over and asked for an intro but she didn’t take me seriously. She said Layo isn鈥檛 someone I could mess around with just for the sake of it.

I eventually approached Layo and asked for her number. She hesitated before she gave in. When I tried calling her later, it didn鈥檛 connect. I thought she’d given me a fake number. But I kept trying, and it eventually went through.  That鈥檚 how our story started.

Layo: I remember that day clearly. We were returning home after a long class when we ran into Komi. I noticed him staring at me intensely and cracking jokes. In my head, I thought, “Who’s this clown?”

Then he asked for my number, and I said no at first. But he was really funny and down-to-earth, so I gave in. I told him I wasn’t interested in any relationship, just friendship. I’d just gotten out of one and wanted to focus on school.

Still, when we returned to the hostel, I asked Suliat about Komi, and she had only good things to say.

Komi, were you single at the time?

Komi: Before UI, I had done  my A-levels at The Polytechnic, Ibadan, and I was really into girls back then.

There was one I had kind of an undefined thing with. She still came around after I got into U.I, but I鈥檇 moved on from that polytechnic phase. I only wanted to focus on U.I girls. Funny enough, I was actually seeing her off to the taxi park the day I first saw Layo. The babe eventually relocated to the US, which gave me a clean shot at chasing Layo.

Right. What happened next?

Layo: Komi asked me out on a date, but I turned him down at first. He pestered Suliat to talk to me until I agreed.

We took a walk to the Love Garden, a park inside U.I,  and spent time getting to know each other. We both discovered our love for music, and that was our strongest connection.

Komi: That first date was very special because it showed me how much I wanted to spend time with Layo. We listened to music the whole time. Afterwards, I was restless and couldn’t stop thinking of her.

I had to ask myself if I wanted a friendship or something more.

When we met later that week, we took another walk. On the way back, I asked her to be my girlfriend. She broke into laughter and told me I was joking. But I was determined to show how serious I was, so I sat on the floor and said I wouldn鈥檛 stand up until she said yes.

Layo: I was so mortified. My mum worked at the university, and Komi’s display wasn鈥檛 far from her office. He pulled this in broad daylight.

But a part of me felt that if he could go through that level of embarrassment just to get me, he deserved a chance. The chemistry was there, and it was a shot worth taking.

What were the early days of the relationship like?

Komi: They were sweet days. I was 18 and a virgin. Because of my religious background, I intended to remain a virgin until marriage. Layo was the same. So we didn’t explore things physically. It was more about building a really strong friendship as lovers. We were obsessed with music, and we spent most of our time enjoying it. At some point, she also started making my meals when she found out I had an ulcer.

Layo: I fell in love with Komi because of how much he decentered the physical side of romantic love that other guys obsessed over. With him, it was all about building pure friendship. He didn’t obsess over my body, and that made me fall deeper.

My first boyfriend was more interested in the physical, but I couldn’t give him that. Just like Komi, I come from a strong religious background. My parents are pastors. So it felt good getting exactly what I needed from Komi: pure, genuine friendship.

Komi: During this period, I had a 鈥� bad guy鈥� reputation in school. I was the face of my faculty and was always around women, an “ashewo boy” so to speak. So seeing Layo, a nerdy girl from the faculty of basic medical science, choose me felt strange to people. They wondered why she was with me, but those same people didn’t know it was all a facade. Behind the scenes, I was someone else who found peace and comfort in Layo.

Layo: Everyone around me monitored Komi, almost like they wanted an “I told you so” moment. But Komi and I knew he was nothing like the guy who made sexual jokes or couldn’t draw the line. That was all for show.

I see. How did things progress romantically?

Layo: We got intimate in the third year of our relationship, and that was another level of getting to know each other.

Komi: I was Mr UI and had my own private room, so we made out a lot. We couldn’t get enough of each other physically. Toward the end of our third year together, we decided to have sex. We were both clueless, but we went with it anyway. After sex, there was bleeding, but we assumed that was normal, probably from her hymen. However, the bleeding didn’t stop.

Layo: My cervix tore, and I ended up at the school clinic the next day. I was so clueless that I had to call my aunt about the bleeding. I thought sex had triggered my period, but she said if it didn鈥檛 stop after a day, I should go to the hospital. The crazy part is she told us to try having sex again, and we did. That was when the bleeding became severe.

Komi: I was terrified because Layo is an only child. The school clinic couldn鈥檛 handle it, so they referred her to another hospital. At that point, we had to involve her parents. I went to see her, but I was too scared to go inside. I just stood at a distance watching her parents pace around while she went in for surgery.  I eventually had to tell my parents, too.

Layo called me the next day after surgery, and I was so relieved. I rushed to the hospital without thinking about her parents, and her dad and godfather tried to rough me up. I apologised, and that was basically it.

Did you guys try to have sex again?

Layo: Not immediately. We took a break from physical intimacy for months, but not from each other.

Fast forward to December 2016, when Komi was turning 21, and we tried again. He was in a bad mood because his dad reneged on a promise to throw him a 21st birthday party. So I visited with gifts to cheer him up. We got intimate, but couldn’t even finish because someone interrupted us. But we were in for another long ride.

What happened?

Komi: We went on a break shortly after, and I started rethinking everything, including the relationship.  I wanted to chase new dreams: Mr Nigeria, Big Brother Naija, MTV Base VJ Search. I loved Layo, but I also wanted to prioritise myself.

Then on January 11, 2016, Layo called to tell me she was pregnant. It felt like my world was crashing, and I immediately started searching for ethical ways to abort.

Layo: I remember checking my account balance to see if I had enough money to run away. My father is an Ijesha man, so there was no way I was bringing home a child out of wedlock.

We tried everything: salt, vitamin C, extreme exercise, every low-effort method we鈥檇 heard could end a pregnancy. Nothing worked. Komi suggested telling my dad, but I shut it down immediately. I asked if if hee had a death wish.

I dreamt that the pregnancy didn鈥檛 survive, so we returned to school and carried on like normal.

Around March, I was climbing the stairs to my hostel when I suddenly felt a gush of blood and water. I was excited because I thought everything we鈥檇 tried had finally worked. I went to an off-campus hospital for an evacuation, but the doctor told me the baby was perfectly healthy. They referred me back to the school clinic, and that was how my mum found out.

Komi: Both our mums were devastated. They didn鈥檛 know how to tell our fathers. I remember watching my mum cry. I鈥檇 done stupid things before, but this was the first time I鈥檇 pushed her to tears.

Layo: When my dad found out, he wanted an abortion immediately, but my mum told him it was too late. I鈥檇 already finished my first trimester. That really broke him.

What happened with your parents, Komi?

Komi: My parents came to my hostel the next day, and we all drove to Layo鈥檚 house. The night before, I鈥檇 sent my parents a long message saying I was running away because I鈥檇 failed them, but nobody addressed it. When we got to Layo鈥檚 house, the atmosphere was tense. I sat beside her but couldn鈥檛 even look at her. I felt completely overwhelmed, like I鈥檇 ruined her life.

As we sat there quietly, our parents talked. Out of nowhere, my dad suggested marriage. I objected immediately. I鈥檇 already applied for Mr Nigeria and listed myself as single because it was part of the criteria. I was training hard, building my body and planning my future. Marriage wasn鈥檛 part of the plan. My dad nearly punched me, and that was when I realised how angry he really was.

Then Layo held my hand and said, 鈥淜omi, don鈥檛 leave me alone in this.鈥�

That changed something in me instantly. Until then, I鈥檇 been thinking about everything I was losing. But in that moment, I realised she was carrying the weight too. I stopped thinking, 鈥淚鈥檝e ruined your life,鈥� and started thinking, 鈥淲e鈥檙e in this together.鈥�

Right there in front of us, our parents started planning the wedding. And not a small one either. They wanted a full party.

Layo: I’m an only child. My mum didn’t want to be deprived of the joy she’d been waiting years for. Komi’s dad wanted a small, intimate wedding, but my parents refused.

We got married in May at Trenchard Hall in UI. There was aso-ebi and a whole party.

Oh wow! They meant business.

Komi: Layo and I returned to school after the wedding and continued attending classes like normal. Most people didn鈥檛 know we were married, but I confided in a few people, and the story spread everywhere. Suddenly, it was, 鈥淢r UI impregnated someone.鈥� Blogs picked it up. It became a full-blown campus scandal.

Layo: The rumours almost destroyed us. My bump wasn鈥檛 obvious yet, but I鈥檇 hear girls gossiping about me. People said I鈥檇 had several abortions before and finally used pregnancy to trap him. It was nasty.

There was also a strike around May when news broke that we were getting married. Still, the wedding hall was packed. People travelled from different states just to witness the drama. It genuinely felt like a public spectacle.

Through all this, how did you feel about each other?

Layo: We were still deeply in love. At that point, it felt like it was us against the world, and every other opinion was just noise.

Komi: Exactly. We protected each other fiercely and refused to let the outside noise break us.

That鈥檚 cute. What did life after the wedding look like?

Layo: Funny enough, we were still living in separate hostels because we were students. But everyone now knew our story. People became kinder to me, especially lecturers and staff who knew my mum.

I focused on my final-year project while Komi focused on graduating without carrying over courses.

Komi: It was surreal. Porters would see me and shout, 鈥淏ad guy!鈥� but I ignored them. Through it all, Layo was incredibly caring. She stepped naturally into the role of a wife, bringing me food and looking after me. I also showed up for her. My mum took her to antenatal appointments. It was hard, but we had each other’s support.

We just didn鈥檛 know life still had more surprises waiting for us.

What do you mean?

Layo: Towards the end of my pregnancy, I noticed the baby suddenly stopped kicking. He鈥檇 been very active, so I knew something was wrong. I went to the school clinic, and they referred me to another hospital. The hospital told us they couldn鈥檛 find the baby鈥檚 heartbeat 鈥� we鈥檇 lost the baby.

Komi: Hearing my wife scream while delivering a dead baby broke me completely. It was one of the most traumatic moments of our lives.

Layo: I was also writing my final exams and wanted to defer, but my dad refused. He said I couldn鈥檛 lose a baby and lose a school year too. So after I was discharged from the hospital, I went straight back to studying for exams.

Komi: That period reminded me of a promise I鈥檇 made to her after we found out we were getting married. I told her nobody would ever look down on her and say pregnancy ruined her future. I promised I鈥檇 do everything possible to help her succeed. After she left the hospital, she stayed with my grandmother, a retired nurse who lived close to UI. It gave her space to recover and to properly prepare for exams.

My dad encouraged us to try for another baby because he worried we鈥檇 become emotionally scarred by everything that had happened. At first, I resisted. Layo was only 20 and still recovering physically. But two weeks later, she got pregnant again.

Before that second pregnancy, resentment had already started building in me. I鈥檇 been rejected from Big Brother Naija because I was married. It was the same year Miracle got in. I kept thinking about the life I could鈥檝e had.

But the pregnancy forced us to refocus.

We鈥檇 finished school and were waiting for NYSC, so my parents prepared a room for us in their house, and Layo moved in.

Layo: That was when marriage started to feel real. Living together helped us reconnect emotionally and intentionally rebuild our relationship. Adjusting to life with his family wasn鈥檛 easy, but both families agreed it was best for us at the time. Komi took me to antenatal appointments, and we slowly settled into married life.

Then we discovered I was carrying twins.

Wait. What?

Komi: That was another major plot twist. I remember thinking, 鈥淕od, why twins?鈥� But we kept going.

I was unemployed and surviving on multiple side hustles. Then one day, while Layo was heavily pregnant, we had a stop-and-search encounter with the police. The hospital had instructed her to rest strictly, but the officers unnecessarily delayed us. That moment changed something in me. I realised we couldn鈥檛 build the kind of life we wanted in Nigeria forever. We needed to leave eventually.

Not long after, I got a job at First Bank at 22. That was the first time I earned enough to save towards getting us our own apartment. Two years after getting married, we finally moved into our own place.

I also kept pushing Layo academically because I wanted her to fulfil her potential. Eventually, I made sure she enrolled for her master鈥檚 at UI. She鈥檇 attend classes with the twins while breastfeeding. It was incredibly difficult, but I wanted her to reach every goal she dreamed of.

Neat. How did you know you still loved each other after everything you鈥檇 gone through?

Komi: There was actually a period where I questioned if it was still love. We got married young, and everyone still saw us as children. So whenever we had issues, there were always outside opinions. People would tell me, 鈥淭his is how a man should behave,鈥� or, 鈥淲hy are you allowing this?鈥� I started listening to those voices instead of listening to my wife.

It changed how I treated her. I started feeling like I wasn鈥檛 鈥渂eing a man鈥� enough. For almost two years, I became numb. I was just existing: paying bills, providing for the children, going through routines. We fought constantly. I didn鈥檛 feel joy. I felt trapped.

I鈥檇 imagined a completely different life for myself. I wanted entertainment, media, the spotlight. Instead, I was working a routine banking job I hated, married at 21 with kids. I kept looking at friends who were thriving in entertainment and thinking, 鈥淭hat could鈥檝e been me.鈥� I resented my life.

Then one day, I read an article that said the most important person in your marriage should be your spouse, not your parents or your children, because that鈥檚 the person you鈥檙e actually building a life with. It hit me hard. I realised I鈥檇 been letting everybody else into my marriage except the person I chose.

I remember telling my mum, 鈥淕oing forward, I鈥檓 going to make decisions that may break your heart. If you tell me to go left and my wife says right, I鈥檒l go right.鈥� I had to return to first principles: I loved this girl. This was the person I started the journey with.

After that, I shut out the noise. If I was frustrated or confused, I discussed them with her rather than with outsiders. That changed everything.

Layo: That period was difficult, but patience saved us for me. If I鈥檇 listened to advice from my family, we probably wouldn鈥檛 still be together. I鈥檓 an only child. My parents hate seeing me upset, so if I鈥檇 complained to them about our problems, they would鈥檝e told me to leave immediately. But I didn鈥檛 involve them. I kept our issues between us.

I鈥檓 also very intuitive, so I could tell his unhappiness wasn鈥檛 really about me. He felt like adulthood had interrupted his youth. He wanted to explore what he imagined for himself. Suddenly, he was married with responsibilities before he felt ready.

I understood that pain. That鈥檚 where my patience came from. I knew he needed time to process the life he thought he鈥檇 lost.

Women mature emotionally earlier, so while I also sacrificed things, I adjusted more quickly. For him, the resentment came from feeling like his freedom and future had been cut short. We had many conversations about it, and eventually he started asking himself, 鈥淗ow do I build a good life from where I am now?鈥� That shift changed our marriage.

Komi: Another thing that affected me was external pressure about masculinity. But I stopped caring about expectations and focused on the life we were building. I started asking myself, 鈥淲hat kind of family do we want? What kind of people do we want to become?鈥� That was when I truly fell back in love with her.

It took 10 years of being in the wilderness, but now I truly feel it鈥檚 all worth it. We鈥檙e both thriving in our careers. We鈥檝e moved from Nigeria to the UK and now to Canada. I鈥檝e bagged an MBA from a global top 25 university, and I鈥檓 currently a manager at one of Canada鈥檚 top financial services, a role that would have taken over a decade to achieve if I鈥檇 remained at First Bank.  

As we approach our 10th anniversary, I can look at Layo and genuinely feel like I chose, not stayed, for reasons beyond circumstances or having children.

Fair enough. On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Layo: I’d say 9. Komi kept every promise he made to me. He made sure I didn’t lose myself or my dreams because of what happened. We grew up together, literally. We were kids when we met, and now we’re adults with children of our own. I wouldn’t change anything.

Komi: I’d give it a 9. We’ve been through hell and back together. But we came out stronger. We built something real from a very messy beginning.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

罢丑别听聽is returning on August 22, 2026, in Lagos! Come learn from finance experts and industry leaders, and partake in unfiltered conversations about building wealth and diversifying your income stream in a country like Nigeria.聽Real stories, expert advice you can actually use, and a community ready to build wealth together.聽.

Arthur* (28) and Sarah* (24) met in 2023 when Arthur joined her university as a direct entry student. 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about how he supported her through pregnancy and motherhood, the judgement they faced on campus, and navigating their relationship with a child that isn鈥檛 Arthur鈥檚 in the picture.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Arthur: We met in 2023, when I joined her school as a direct-entry student. I didn’t really make many friends when I arrived because I felt like a complete stranger; most people already had their established friend groups and cliques. Plus, I was a lot older than most of my coursemates. I’d left another university mid-way through my programme, gone to a polytechnic, and then returned to university. So I’d wasted a lot of time and years. I just wanted to keep to myself and maintain some level of respect.

I noticed Sarah around the fourth week after I resumed. She always sat at the back of the class, completely keeping to herself and never really interacting with anyone. And she always had this big bag with her, packed with flasks, cups, water bottles, and more. One day after lectures ended, I decided to go sit with her, and she was surprisingly receptive. We talked about random school stuff for a few minutes and then said our goodbyes.

Sarah: I didn’t notice Arthur at all until he came to talk to me. I’d been keeping to myself and avoiding people since we resumed for 200 level because I was pregnant. 

When people found out, it felt like they actively isolated themselves from me. So I also isolated myself out of shame and embarrassment. But it was actually easier to open up to Arthur, since he was brand-new to the school and didn’t know anything about my past.

Fair enough. So how did things progress after that first interaction? 

Arthur: We developed a friendship pretty quickly. I would always carry Sarah’s heavy bag for her after classes, run errands for her when she needed things, and help her out in whatever ways I could. I guess I just felt that duty of care because of her condition. I didn鈥檛 find it weird that she was pregnant. In fact, the polytechnic I came from had lots of nursing and expectant mums, and they carried on like regular students. But it was weird that Sarah was always alone and had no one to support her.聽

Soon, we both started getting attention and stares from other students because of our closeness. But I genuinely didn’t care what people thought or said.

Sarah: I kept wondering what he actually wanted from me or if he had any hidden agenda, but he was just being genuinely platonic and helpful.  I couldn鈥檛 detect any ulterior motives. In a way, I felt like he was God-sent because he couldn鈥檛 have come into my life at a better time. 

Curious, Arthur. Did you ever ask where the father was in all this? 

础谤迟丑耻谤:听I always wanted to ask questions, but I didn’t want to trespass, overstep boundaries, or make her uncomfortable. So I just waited for her to share if and when she was ready. By that time, I鈥檇 heard rumours from coursemates and hostelsmates, but I didn鈥檛 pay much attention. I wanted to hear the original version from Sarah, and I was willing to wait until she was ready to share.聽

Sarah, were you comfortable with sharing the details with Arthur? 

Sarah: Eventually, yes. About a month into our friendship, I opened up to him and shared the full story of my pregnancy. I’d made lots of mistakes in 100 level and found out I was pregnant when I was already four months along. I genuinely didn’t know who the father was. There were multiple possibilities and no way to be certain.聽

My parents didn’t want me to have an abortion when they found out. They’re very religious, and it went against everything they believed. But they also didn’t let me withdraw from school to have the baby privately. They forced me to continue attending classes and to carry the pregnancy publicly on campus, facing all the shame and judgment that came with it.

Arthur: When she told me everything, I felt deep pity and concern for her. That was when her isolation and withdrawal began to make more sense to me. In a way, I could relate to Sarah because I also had a rough 100 level, which was why I left my first uni. I got involved in a cult group that attacked some students. The whole thing got out of control, and I had to leave. So I鈥檇 had my fair share of rough beginnings. 

After Sarah鈥檚 revelation, I just continued being there for her consistently. We maintained our friendship, and it kept growing deeper. Soon, it became clear to both of us that something more than just friendship was developing between us.

Oh

Sarah: Around my eighth month of pregnancy, we had physical intimacy. We didn鈥檛 have sex because Arthur was really worried he鈥檇 hurt me, but we did everything else. It happened naturally between us.

Arthur: I felt extremely guilty afterwards. I thought we’d made a huge mistake. But Sarah didn’t feel guilty at all. She actually wanted us to get more intimate and continue what we’d started. But I felt like that first time was a mistake that shouldn’t be repeated. So I tried to pull back, but Sarah wasn鈥檛 having it. She thought I was ashamed of what transpired between us. 

I think we had a brief moment when we weren’t really speaking to each other. I wanted to continue being there for her as usual, but she took my rejection of any intimate relationship as a complete rejection. I鈥檇 come to her hostel, and she wouldn鈥檛 open the door. This continued until we left school for break.聽

Sarah: Honestly, now that I think about it, I don鈥檛 know why I did that. I think my emotions were just super high at the time. I was already heavily pregnant, and even though I鈥檇 maintained my stature and looked for most of the pregnancy, I wasn鈥檛 really looking like myself again. So his rejection felt like he probably didn鈥檛 find me attractive, or he didn鈥檛 want to be with someone who didn鈥檛 even know the father of her child. I was just making up lots of scenarios in my head.

Did you try to talk to him at any point?

Sarah: Not really. He tried to reach out, but I shut him out. I was also having these really weird dreams where it felt like I didn鈥檛 make it through childbirth. In a way, I just wanted to set him free. I already knew how people stared whenever he walked around me in school; I鈥檇 heard gossip about how I was trying to pin the pregnancy on him. So I felt like it was better to just let him be.

That must have been a lot. At what point did things get better between you guys?

Sarah: I had to leave school as my delivery date neared. I was gone for about an entire semester. I had my baby, and even though we weren鈥檛 really on speaking terms, he was part of the first people I shared the news with. He couldn鈥檛 visit since we were in different states, and he was also back in school.

Throughout that time, we only communicated by phone and text. And it was actually during this period of physical separation that I suggested to Arthur that we should officially become a couple. I don鈥檛 even know what I was thinking; I just blurted it out one day.

Arthur:  I loved Sarah genuinely. But I had so many mixed feelings and concerns about entering a relationship with her. First, she didn’t know who her child’s father was. That man could eventually show up, and I’d have to deal with that complicated situation. Second, it was just a completely new experience for me, dating someone who already had a child. 

I鈥檇 also told my siblings about her and they weren鈥檛 really thrilled about the idea. One of them also gossiped to my mum, and she had a long lecture about how I was too young to be starting my life with another man鈥檚 baggage. There was just a lot to think about, but through it all, I knew I really liked Sarah. So I told her to still give it time, at least when she鈥檚 back in school, we鈥檇 be able to see how things go.

Right. How did you feel about that, Sarah? Did you feel like he鈥檇 rejected you a second time?

Sarah: Not really. I鈥檓 an impulsive person, and I鈥檓 thankful that I have people who can rein me in. When he gave his reasons, I suddenly felt stupid, in a way, because that鈥檚 when I realised there were other things to consider. Plus, it wasn鈥檛 an outright rejection; he said he was going to think about it when I resumed.

Nice. So, when did you return to school, and how did things pan out between you guys?

Sarah: I returned to campus with my baby in 300 level second semester. I had several feelings going back because I knew people would have even more to say. I wondered how I鈥檇 navigate attending lectures with my child and all, but I was also thankful that I had Arthur. 

He was genuinely God-sent during that time. He supported my son and me in ways I never expected. There were constant rumours and gossip all over campus about us, but Arthur never let it get to him or affect how he treated us.

Our relationship status was still completely undefined at that point. We were together in some ways, doing relationship things, but not as an officially labelled couple. And I was fine with that.

Arthur: I was acting like a platonic friend and a romantic lover simultaneously. I’d help with the baby, buy things he needed, support Sarah however I could, and like she said, I didn鈥檛 care about the gossip. It wasn鈥檛 like I made a lot of friends in school anyway, so they couldn鈥檛 say anything to my face.

By 400 level, Sarah sent her child back home to her parents, which was a relief in some way. I didn鈥檛 think the school environment was conducive to a new mum, and it was extremely hard for Sarah to juggle school and being a mum. 

Anyway, that鈥檚 also when our relationship became official. It was easier to define and navigate the relationship without the child being physically present on campus with us every day.

But how do you feel knowing that the child will always be a part of Sarah鈥檚 life?

Arthur: I don’t have an issue with that at all. I’ve genuinely grown to love the boy. He’s a sweet kid, and I’ve bonded with him.聽

Sarah: I鈥檝e made it very clear to Arthur from the beginning that if we continue this relationship outside of school, after graduation, my child absolutely has to be a part of my life and our life together. That’s non-negotiable for me.

Arthur: The only issue is my parents; they aren’t thrilled about this situation at all. 

But I also don’t want to think about their disapproval right now. I’m just focused on enjoying our relationship and being there for Sarah and her son. I’ll deal with my family’s concerns later.

Do your parents know you鈥檙e dating again, Sarah? How do they feel about that?

Sarah: I think my mum does. She鈥檚 walked in on me having video calls with Arthur a couple of times, but she didn鈥檛 say much. She once asked me if he鈥檚 the father, and I told her no. She hasn鈥檛 really said much after that.

I think right now, they鈥檙e still disappointed in me, and they try not to have any deep conversations with me. I wish they would, so I can even have an idea of what鈥檚 going on in their heads, but they don鈥檛. 

Considering what you鈥檝e both been through, what would you say is the best thing about being with each other?

Arthur: Sarah is resilient and strong. She went through something incredibly difficult publicly and came out the other side. I admire her courage and her determination to keep going despite everything.

Sarah: Arthur accepted me at my absolute lowest point. When everyone else had abandoned me or judged me, he showed up and stayed. That kind of loyalty and unconditional support is rare and precious.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Sarah: I’d say 8. Arthur has been amazing, but I can鈥檛 act like the complications aren鈥檛 there. 

Arthur: I’d give it an 8. We have something real and meaningful. But external pressures, family issues, and uncertainties about the future keep it from being perfect.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

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Tomide* (29) and Layo* (27) met during their service year in 2022. 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about moving in together as friends, transitioning into a relationship while living under the same roof, and the 50-50 arrangement that nearly broke them.

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What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Tomide: It was 2022, and we met at our Place of Primary Assignment (PPA) in Ogun State. I had just one more month of my service year left when Layo joined our office. Although I noticed her when she resumed, I observed from a distance for the first few weeks. She didn鈥檛 look very friendly; always quiet and alone. 

One random afternoon, I saw her sitting alone at the staff canteen and decided to approach her and make conversation. She responded to my jokes, but I could tell she wasn’t interested in talking. So I left and kept my distance for a while.

Layo: I didn’t really notice Tomide at all. I wasn’t paying attention to anyone because I wasn’t in a good headspace when my service year started. I was genuinely upset and bitter that I’d been posted to Ogun State, and I absolutely hated my PPA. The work environment, the people, the location, everything felt wrong.

I was supposed to be in Ibadan serving with two other close friends. We’d planned it all out, but the redeployment process didn’t go as we’d hoped. So I arrived at the PPA feeling gloomy, disappointed, and resentful. I kept to myself most of the time because I was processing all that frustration and disappointment.

On the day in question, I didn’t want to be rude to him, but I just wasn’t in the mood for small talk or to聽make new friends. After just a few exchanges, he picked up on that and left. I appreciated that he didn’t push it. But that was the first time he crossed my mind.

Did you try to make up for that first encounter? 

Layo: I actually felt bad about my behaviour. So when I saw Tomide the following day, I greeted him first. I wanted to make up for my coldness the previous day.

Tomide: I answered her greeting, but I’d already made up my mind not to push for anything more. I wasn’t going to try to be her friend if she didn’t want that or was rude about it.

I see. So, when did things take a turn between you guys? 

Tomide: We continued like that for about three weeks. Just saying hello when we ran into each other at work, nothing more than that. Then, on the week I was passing out, my boss and some other staff organised a small send-off for me at the office. Layo didn’t attend. But that’s how she found out I was leaving, and I guess that really marked the beginning of our cordial relationship.

Layo: When I heard about his send-off and realised he was passing out that week, I went to find him. I congratulated him on completing service, and he seemed genuinely interested in keeping the conversation going. We briefly talked about school, and he also tried to give me a few tips on navigating the office. After the whole conversation, he asked for my number, and I didn鈥檛 see any harm in giving it to him. I told myself he was leaving anyway.

Surprisingly, we kept in touch for the next couple of months after he left. Even though I鈥檇 given him my number with the assumption that he鈥檇 just be another random WhatsApp contact, that was far from the case. He鈥檇 reach out to say hello, ask me how I was coping, and I鈥檇 also reciprocate the effort. But nothing significant happened between us for months. 

Fast forward to September 2023. I wanted to relocate to Lagos after my service year ended. The problem was that I didn’t have a place to stay or much money saved up to get my own place. I mentioned this to Tomide, and then he suggested moving in together.

Wait, what?

Tomide: Here鈥檚 the thing. I was also seriously considering getting my own place around that same time. I was tired of squatting with friends and not having my own space or stability. I actually had relatives in Lagos, but they lived In the outskirts of town, and we didn鈥檛 get along when I stayed with them during my first few months there. They felt the need to watch my activities and report to my parents. I didn鈥檛 like that at all.

When Layo mentioned her housing situation and that she needed to find somewhere affordable in Lagos, I suggested we pool our funds to get a two-bedroom apartment we could share. It made complete financial sense for both of us. We could split the rent and each have our own private room.

Curious, was the relationship still platonic at this point? And how did you know you could trust each other as housemates?

Tomide: It was platonic. But we鈥檇 gotten really close. I mean, that鈥檚 why I could even suggest living together in the first place. We barely went a day without speaking, and we always shared everything. The funny thing is, all these happened virtually. We hadn鈥檛 seen each other in person since we said goodbye in Ogun state. But through it all, I knew I was starting to feel something for Layo. It wasn鈥檛 fully formed, and I wasn鈥檛 quite sure of my feelings, so I kept it to myself.

Layo: It was pretty much the same for me. I had many reservations about the living situation, though. I never really shared this with Tomide, but I was double planning. Two of my friends also wanted to move to Lagos, and we鈥檇 all planned to get a place. But as the date grew closer and closer to leaving Ogun, my friends still weren鈥檛 certain. I told my aunt about my plan, and she prayed about it. When she told me all was fine, I went for it. She鈥檚 a prophetess and very spiritual, so I knew I could trust her words.

I see 

Layo: Anyway, that鈥檚 how we ended up moving in together. Tomide did most of the heavy lifting. He found the place, met the agent and even tried to set up the space a little. I only paid my part of the rent, moved in, and we became flatmates. 

For the first few months, we were just friends sharing a space. We had our separate rooms, separate routines and so on. There were days when we had shared activities like cooking and watching movies, but not all the time.

Tomide: By early 2024, things had shifted between us. We’d been living together for several months and spending significant amounts of time in each other’s company.聽 The feelings I鈥檇 refused to confront from the start had bubbled to the top. Our neighbours and the people in our building already assumed we were a couple based on how we interacted. Plus, neither of us was seeing anyone else at the time, so I knew I had a chance. I decided to just go for it and ask her out properly.聽

Layo: When he asked, I had this brief moment of 鈥渇inally!鈥� in my head. I didn鈥檛 know what took him so long. I鈥檇 also developed feelings for him over time, but it鈥檚 not my style to ask boys out. So I wasn鈥檛 going to jump the gun.

Surprisingly, even though I thought I wanted a relationship with him, I wasn鈥檛 quick to say yes. I suddenly had reservations that I didn鈥檛 have before. 

What reservations? 

Layo: Our living situation. Things were normal when we were just two friends who were also flatmates. We respected each other鈥檚 boundaries. We did our own thing and didn鈥檛 always feel the need for shared activities. There were times when I was away with friends for the weekend, and other times when I just needed to change my environment. None of these was an issue, but I worried it would be different once we became romantically involved.

Tomide: Those were really valid concerns, but at the end of the day, I convinced Layo that we were in this for the long haul. And if that was the case, doesn鈥檛 it make sense that we already had the opportunity to spend time together and know each other in the true sense of it? Both the good, the ugly and the in-between. She eventually agreed, and we became official about three weeks after I asked.

Sweet. What were the early days of the relationship like?

Layo: Really nice and genuinely enjoyable. We went out together on actual dates, explored different parts of Lagos, and tried new restaurants and spots. We did many shared activities together. It wasn鈥檛 like we weren鈥檛 already doing that before, but this time around it was different. For example, when we were just friends, we鈥檇 still go to our separate rooms even after we finished cooking together. We couldn鈥檛 enter each other鈥檚 rooms without permission. But all that changed once we started dating. 

Tomide: The early days felt really easy and natural. Like Layo said, we already knew each other so intimately from living together for months. There was some level of familiarity, but also the excitement of this new romantic dimension to our relationship. But cracks started showing pretty quickly. 

Oh

Tomide: We both didn’t know how to communicate properly during conflicts. When we’d have a disagreement or argument, instead of talking it through, we’d both go completely silent on each other.

Layo: The silent treatment between us would last for days on end, sometimes stretching into weeks. It was absolutely terrible and toxic because we’d be in the same house, pass each other multiple times a day, see each other in the kitchen or living room, but completely ignore each other’s existence. Not speaking a single word or acknowledging each other’s presence. It was childish and unhealthy, but neither of us knew how to break the cycle or initiate a real conversation.

Tomide: But the silent treatment aside, what really threatened our relationship was the money issue. 

What do you mean?

Tomide: Specifically, my insistence on maintaining a 50-50 split for household expenses even after we started dating.

Layo: Once we officially started dating and became a couple, I became less consistent and diligent about splitting costs down the middle. In my mind, since we were now in a romantic relationship, not just platonic flatmates, Tomide should naturally take on most of the expenses and financial responsibilities. I guess I also felt this way because he earned way more money. Apart from his 9-5, he also had all these international side gigs that never stopped coming. 

Tomide: I didn’t like that shift at all because that wasn’t remotely close to what we’d explicitly agreed to when we decided to become flatmates. It wasn’t an issue whatsoever during those first several months, when we were just friends living together platonicly. We both contributed equally and consistently to everything. Rent, utilities, and even down to cooking. We used to cook separately, but whenever we wanted to do joint cooking, we both contributed our bit. But once we put a romantic label on our relationship, Layo completely pulled back from that financial arrangement and started expecting me to cover most of the costs.

Layo: I don鈥檛 think that鈥檚 a completely honest assessment. I didn鈥檛 pull back completely; I was just not as consistent as I used to. And it wasn鈥檛 entirely my fault. My office owed salaries, and I鈥檇 already switched jobs twice. Tomide knew all these when we were flatmates and would sometimes ask me to forego some expenses. If he could do that as a friend, I expected he鈥檇 do the same now that we were dating and thinking of a long-term future together.

But Tomide would always ask me for my share of expenses. Always. For absolutely everything, no matter how small. He’d meticulously calculate everything and ask me to send my half. It felt so transactional and unromantic. It made me feel like I was living with a roommate who happened to be sleeping with me, not like I was in an actual loving relationship.

Did you guys try to have a conversation about this? And didn鈥檛 you think this would happen after you moved from flatmates to lovers?

Layo: I did, which was why I had reservations when he first asked me out. I knew there was a chance of something like this happening, but Tomide was super convincing about how we were in this for the long term and how it was to our advantage to really get to know each other well.

The absolute worst situation happened when we needed to renew our apartment rent in 2024. When the time came to pay, I didn’t have my full 50% available. I was short on funds, but I gave him about 35% and promised to pay the rest.  But then, immediately after Tomide paid, he started asking me repeatedly for the balance. He’d bring it up in conversation and send reminders. I honestly felt like I鈥檇 gotten to my breaking point. A part of me just wanted to refund him and break up.

Tomide: I agree that I went about it the wrong way. I thought if I wasn鈥檛 persistent, she wouldn鈥檛 feel the need to repay what she owed. 

But the thing is, I鈥檓 a man of my words and I always expect people around me to be the same. Layo and I had clear arrangements around these things when we started living together, and I didn鈥檛 think that being in a relationship meant going back on our words. It would have been different if we had a conversation when we started dating and reworked our agreement, but there wasn鈥檛 anything like that.

Don鈥檛 you think you have yourself to blame for that? 

Tomide: To some level, I take the blame. And this isn鈥檛 just about Layo. It鈥檚 something I face in other relationships. Once I come to an agreement with someone, I always expect them to keep to it because that鈥檚 exactly what I鈥檇 do. But I鈥檓 learning that things aren鈥檛 always that way, and sometimes, you need to be willing to bend a little for peace to reign.

Layo eventually paid the money back, but I felt really bad afterwards. It was almost like I only started taking her situation into account after I got my money. How she鈥檇 been owed salaries, how her pay wasn鈥檛 that great, how she鈥檇 changed jobs and hadn鈥檛 really found her footing. I felt terrible because this was someone I claimed to love going through a hard time, but I was too blind to notice. And it wasn鈥檛 just that; she wasn鈥檛 wrong to expect that, as her partner, I should be able to make life easier for her as long as it was within my power.  

Layo: We barely spoke for almost two months after that. Living in the same house but existing in completely separate worlds. It was one of the lowest points in our relationship.

How did you guys resolve it, given that you both had a habit of resorting to the silent treatment? 

Tomide: We eventually realised we couldn’t keep going like that. Beneath it all, we loved and genuinely cared about each other. And I was starting to think that we could actually lose what we had. The illusion of staying in the same house probably didn鈥檛 make it immediately clear, but once realised, we had to sit down and actually talk.聽

Layo: It was an incredibly difficult conversation, but absolutely necessary for us to move forward. I explained in detail how the splitting thing made me feel emotionally, and how it made me feel like he wasn’t really taking care of me the way I thought a boyfriend should. And he explained his perspective thoroughly about financial responsibility, not wanting to be taken advantage of, and the importance of both partners contributing equally to a shared life.

Right. And you guys have been able to move forward?

Tomide: Honestly, things are still not perfect yet between us. We’re still actively learning how to navigate this complex dynamic. I’m personally learning to make concessions and compromises, learning to accept that it can’t always be exactly 50-50 split down the middle in a romantic relationship. Sometimes I need to be more flexible and willing to cover costs without immediately calculating who owes what. But at the same time, I also need her to genuinely understand and respect that financial partnership and shared responsibility genuinely matter deeply to me. 

Layo: And I’m learning to be more financially responsible and consistent about contributing to our shared household, even though it’s honestly not my ideal vision or fantasy of how a romantic relationship should work financially. As much as I genuinely don’t like the arrangement, I have to admit that it’s giving me an unfiltered picture of what our future together might realistically look like if we end up getting married. 

Fair enough. What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Tomide: Layo is honest and straightforward in all her interactions with me. She’s not pretending or putting on an act. I also really appreciate that we can live together in close quarters and still give each other the space and breathing room we need when we need it. We’ve learned when to engage and when to back off.

Layo: Tomide is incredibly consistent and reliable as a partner. When he says he’s going to do something, he actually follows through without needing reminders or prodding. Financial issues and disagreements aside, he’s genuinely someone I can count on and depend on, someone I could see myself building a real life with. 

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Tomide: I’d give it a 7. I’m genuinely optimistic and hopeful about where we’re headed. I believe we can work through the minor issues.

Layo: I’d also say 7. There’s a strong foundation between us built on friendship and shared experiences. But there’s also a significant amount of work we still need to do on ourselves and on the relationship. 

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.