Interview With…聽is a 快猫视频 weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.
快猫视频 is on a queue, waiting for their turn to pick up their PVC when they start hearing voices.
Unknown voice: 快猫视频!
快猫视频: Who鈥檚 calling my name?
Unknown voice: 快猫视频!
快猫视频: (looking up) Father, father, speak, for your servant is listening.
Unknown voice: Look down, you idiot.
快猫视频: Satan? I know I鈥檝e done some questionable things, but ah ah?
Unknown voice: It鈥檚 not Satan. It鈥檚 me, PVC.
快猫视频 looks down and notices a card on the floor. They pick it up, and it鈥檚 someone鈥檚 PVC.
快猫视频: What鈥檙e you doing on the floor?
PVC: I fell from someone鈥檚 pocket.
快猫视频: How do you know who I am?
PVC: You cause chaos in the human world, you cause confusion in the land of objects. Who doesn鈥檛 know you?
快猫视频: We don鈥檛 want Meffy to know us please鈥.
PVC: I think we should focus on my solvable problems. I tried reaching out to you last week, but I couldn鈥檛 get to you. I think meeting your right now is an act of divine intervention.
快猫视频: Yeah, sorry about last week. I briefly got kidnapped, but I鈥檓 okay. What鈥檇 you want to talk to me about?
PVC: Once again, thank you for the opportunity. I鈥檓 here because there鈥檚 fire on the mountain. Plenty of fire, and it鈥檚 hot.
快猫视频: What鈥檚 burning?
PVC: There鈥檚 no other way to explain it. Do you know what鈥檚 happening on the 31st?
快猫视频: Some people鈥檚 salary day?
PVC: Yes, but also, it鈥檚 the deadline for picking up PVCs.
快猫视频: Yeah, I鈥檓 aware, every Nigerian is aware. Is that why you鈥檙e looking for me?
PVC: Yes and also, no. Do you have siblings 快猫视频?
快猫视频: Yes, one
PVC: I have millions, scattered across Nigeria. If people don鈥檛 collect their PVCs, we鈥檒l all be stuck together in offices that barely have light. Do you know how much they鈥檙e selling fuel now? Since there鈥檚 no light, there鈥檚 heat. All till the next election.
Do you know what it鈥檚 like living in a room with hundreds of your siblings, tied together with rubber bands so tight you can鈥檛 even try to stretch your legs? No privacy whatsoever.
快猫视频: What do you need privacy for?
PVC: PVCNGF?
快猫视频: What does that even mean?
PVC: PVC no go fuc鈥
快猫视频: Please, it鈥檚 enough. *scratches head* They don鈥檛 pay me enough for this.
PVC: What do you think we do in your houses four years when we鈥檙e waiting for the next election?
快猫视频: Reading, learning how to become a passport or ID card, lying down and waiting for the election you were created for鈥
PVC: Have you yourself done the things you were created for in the last four years?
快猫视频: Who is the interviewer here? Maybe you want to add interviewing to the things you鈥檒l do for the next four years.
PVC: 快猫视频, calm down. We don鈥檛 have to resort to violence. My siblings and I need to escape those conditions. We鈥檙e desperate.
快猫视频: What will help you escape?
PVC: We need people who haven鈥檛 gone to look for their PVC to go look for it.
快猫视频: But that doesn鈥檛 mean they鈥檒l find it.
PVC: Yes, we know people are trying and it鈥檚 difficult. We just want to make sure everyone is doing it 鈥 let鈥檚 have a chance to escape four years of stagnant offices at least.
快猫视频: Get your PVC. Choose pregnancy over stagnancy鈥
PVC: Sigh. I don鈥檛 know how you have rights.
But look, what I鈥檓 saying is that I know it鈥檚 not easy asking you to suffer for my sake, but abeg, try. We are nothing but beans, waiting to be picked.
快猫视频: What does that even鈥 鈥
快猫视频 is cut off by an announcement
Announcer: Please, a person is looking for their PVC. If you found any PVC, can you let us know.
快猫视频: I think it鈥檚 your owner looking for you.
PVC: Yeah, I think so too. When you pick yours up, tell my sibling I passed the message along.
快猫视频: Will do. Will do.
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