Love Life聽is a 快猫视频 weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Dayo* (29) and Tomisin* (27) met in 2022 when a mutual friend connected them.
On this week’s Love Life, they talk about how a failed NYSC posting pushed them together, dealing with uneven efforts from one party, and how a phone screenshot almost ended it all.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Dayo: We met through a mutual friend in 2022. Our mutual friend referred Tomisin to me because I helped people sort out their NYSC postings.
From her very first message to me, I could tell she was a warm, chatty person. She easily asked questions and made conversation, even though we had never spoken before. It threw me off because I was in professional mode and wasn’t expecting that energy. I actually had to call my mutual friend and ask her, “Does this girl know me from somewhere?” She said no, that’s just how Tomisin is with people.
Tomisin: I couldn鈥檛 tell whether he was being professional or just rude. I was doing my best to be friendly and warm, and he was giving me these flat, one-word responses. Like he was just tolerating the conversation. I didn’t know what to do with that.
I thought, 鈥淥kay, this person is not interested in small talk.鈥
So I pulled back and just focused on the business at hand. But it was confusing because I鈥檇 heard good things about him from our mutual friend, and the energy did not match.
Screaming. But how did the posting conversation go?
Dayo: It was a disaster, which had never happened to me before. My plug failed, and Tomisin was sent to Edo for camp. She鈥檇 been specific about wanting Lagos, and I gave her my word because I always had a 95% success rate.
Tomisin: I was devastated. I cried and sent him a heated voice note. My mum was also upset, and she sent him a voice note when he didn鈥檛 pick up our calls. It was a whole thing because this was not what we agreed on. He had assured me that everything was taken care of, and that I鈥檇 be serving in Lagos like I wanted.
Dayo: This was the first time my plug had failed me. I didn鈥檛 even know what to do, and her mum鈥檚 voice note made it worse. She wasn鈥檛 even angry. She just sounded really hurt, like I鈥檇 intentionally put her daughter in harm’s way.
I explained that I would get her redeployed after camp, but she was already in tears. So I went to her house to meet her and her parents in person. I sat down with them, apologised properly, and promised that the redeployment would happen. Then, on the day she was leaving for camp, I followed her all the way to the park. And before she boarded, I gave her 鈧20k.
Oh. Why did you do that?
Dayo: I just felt bad. It wasn’t her fault, and she was going somewhere she hadn’t planned to go. I wanted her to at least have something in her pocket.
Tomisin: That gesture really got me. And while I was in camp, he kept checking on me and even sent more money. That was when I started seeing a different side of him. The professional, dry-response guy was gone, and there was actually a very caring person underneath.
What happened after camp?聽
Dayo: I got her redeployed to Lagos as I promised, and I lowkey thought that would be the end of our interaction. But I found myself texting her and checking on her even after everything was resolved. She was struggling with her PPA placement, so I helped with that, too. And before I knew it, we had built a friendship. I always had one reason to text or call her.聽
Tomisin: It was so funny how he went from this 鈥渙ne-word texter鈥 to constantly being in my DMs. We talked almost every day. And what stood out was that he actually paid attention. If I mentioned in passing that something was bothering me, he would come back to it later and ask how it was going.
Most people let things like that slide, but not Dayo. I don鈥檛 think I鈥檝e met anyone as attentive as him.
Nice. So at what point did you realise you liked each other?
Dayo: It was gradual on my end. I started noticing I was going out of my way to reach out to her even when I didn鈥檛 have a reason. I was just looking for excuses to talk to her. But even then, I still wasn鈥檛 sure what the feeling was.
Then, one day, during a conversation with our mutual friend, she mentioned that we鈥檇 actually make a cute couple. I think that was the first time I pictured us together and I couldn鈥檛 get the thought out of my mind. I knew she was single, so I felt it was a done deal in a way.
Tomisin: I actually wasn鈥檛 trying to date anyone. I had relocation plans, and I didn’t want to get into something that was going to turn into a long-distance relationship. So even though I was starting to like him, I wasn’t going to make any moves. I just let things be.
So who made the move?
Dayo: I did. I asked her out in February 2023.
Tomisin: I said yes. By that point, I had decided to go with what felt right rather than overthink the relocation thing. He was good to me, and I liked him. So it was a very easy yes.
What were the early days of the relationship like?
Tomisin: Not the best period of my life. I didn’t have a job at the time. My plans to relocate weren鈥檛 going the way I wanted. Things were generally not looking up, and I was in a low mood for a lot of that period. Dayo was trying his best; he was very generous and showed up in ways I genuinely didn鈥檛 expect. I really appreciated that, but I was just unhappy. It had nothing to do with him.
Dayo: I couldn’t stand seeing her sad. I鈥檇 tried to pull some plug for a job, but it didn鈥檛 work. A part of me felt really frustrated because we were supposed to be in the honeymoon phase of our relationship, but Tomisin was constantly sad and worried.
At some point, beyond offering words of encouragement and trying to speak on her behalf, I felt I needed to do something about her situation. So I put her on a monthly allowance. I also took her out regularly, making sure she had what she needed for day-to-day life.
My NYSC hustle was going well at that time, and I had forex income on top of it, so I was comfortable enough to do it without feeling the strain.聽
I even had the idea at one point of opening a small breakfast cafe and setting Tomisin up to manage it. That one didn’t work out in the end, but I was thinking about how to set her up properly.
But then, things slowed down for me financially in 2024. And that was tough.
I鈥檓 sorry. What happened, though?
Dayo: My NYSC plug passed away. So that whole side of my income just stopped. And the forex trading had become slow, too. So the money wasn鈥檛 coming like it used to. Luckily, around that same time, Tomisin had started picking up freelancing and was earning well. So I felt relieved that she wouldn鈥檛 feel the bite after I stopped her monthly allowance.
But that’s when I also started noticing something about her.
What did you notice?
Dayo: That she is stingy. Not frugal, actually stingy. Before, I鈥檇 always assumed she was disciplined about saving and careful about spending. I respected that. But when I was the one who needed something, I saw what it actually was. I would ask her for as little as 鈧10 or 鈧20k, and she would look me in the eye and tell me she didn鈥檛 have it. I knew she was lying.
Sometimes she would give it, but then she would make sure she collected every kobo back. It was strange to me. My girlfriend, whom I鈥檇 done a lot for when she wasn鈥檛 in a position to do for herself.
Tomisin: I prefer to say I am frugal. I have always been careful about money. I don’t believe in giving it away just because someone asks, unless it is a genuine emergency. That鈥檚 how I was raised and how I operate. Dayo is not the first person in my life to call me stingy. I’ve heard it from people who know me. It doesn鈥檛 offend me because I know my intention is to be responsible with what I have.
But doesn’t that bother you? That your partner calls you stingy?
Tomisin: Not really. I鈥檝e heard it many times. I know who I am with money, and I’m not going to pretend. But I also want to push back on some of what Dayo says. Not everything he calls stinginess is stinginess. Sometimes I genuinely don鈥檛 have money to give, even if there’s a number sitting in my account. Money can be allocated; it can be tied to something; it might not even be entirely mine. He doesn鈥檛 always consider that. Once he believes that I have money, he expects me to splurge or readily give when he asks.
Dayo: I hear that. But when you’ve been with someone, and you’ve done as much as I did for her during the period she was struggling, and then when the tables turn, they’re lying to your face about 鈧20k, that goes beyond being frugal.
Did you ever bring up these concerns with her?
Dayo: I did. I sat her down and called her stingy to her face, and like she said, she didn鈥檛 flinch. She basically just said, ” Yes, I know I’m like that.鈥
That response shocked me because I came prepared for a real conversation, and she just responded as though it was old news.
Tomisin: I also want to say something else about this. I sometimes genuinely question how broke Dayo actually is when he says he is broke. He鈥檇 say he doesn’t have money, and then the next minute he鈥檚 suggesting a date or doing something that costs money. So it鈥檚 hard for me to know when to take the complaints seriously and when it鈥檚 just a habit of speech. I’m not saying he doesn鈥檛 have moments of need. But the signals are often confusing, which affects how I respond.
Dayo: That鈥檚 because I know how to manage. I still want to make it a good time for us, even when things are tight. That doesn’t mean I’m not genuinely struggling.
So, did you guys ever land on a fix?
Dayo: Not really, it got to a tipping point around March. My car broke down and needed serious repairs. I was looking at about 鈧500k, which I didn鈥檛 have at the time. So I went to Tomisin and asked if she could l loan me. She said she didn’t have the money. I knew from how she said it that she was lying. I found a way to get into her phone, looked at her account balance, took a screenshot of it and sent it directly to her.
Tomisin: That was a serious violation of my privacy. He went through my phone without my permission, then took screenshots of my bank details and sent them to me like it was a normal thing to do. I don’t care what his reason was or how frustrated he was. That鈥檚 not okay. You don’t go through your partner’s phone, and you definitely don’t screenshot their financial information and use it against them in an argument.
Dayo: I wasn鈥檛 trying to invade her privacy for no reason. I was tired of being lied to. If she had just said, I have the money, but I can鈥檛 loanit right now, I would have accepted that. I wouldn鈥檛 have liked it, but I would have accepted it. What I couldn鈥檛 accept was being looked in the face and told she didn鈥檛 have money when I knew she did. I needed her to stop lying to me.
How did you guys resolve this?
Dayo: We stopped speaking for about two months. No calls or texts, nothing. I think that鈥檚 the longest we have gone without speaking since we got together. It was bad. I was angry and missed her terribly, but I wasn鈥檛 going to reach out. Then she did in May.
Tomisin: I apologised; not for everything, because I still believe he shouldn鈥檛 have gone through my phone. But I apologised for my role in how things escalated. I didn鈥檛 want to lose what we had over a fight about money.
Dayo: But it still hasn’t been properly resolved. I love her and I’m not going anywhere. I just need her to actually work on that aspect. Because it’s not even just with me. I watch her decline her siblings’ requests. She’ll say no to family members very pointedly. And that worries me a lot, especially with someone I plan to build a family with.
Tomisin, is he right about the family part?
Tomisin: He isn鈥檛 entirely wrong. I鈥檓 the same way with money across the board. It鈥檚 not something I only do with Dayo. My siblings and friends have experienced it. I know it can read as cold or uncaring even when that鈥檚 not my intention. I am not someone who says no because I enjoy saying no. I say no because I have always felt strongly that money has to be treated seriously. But I also recognise that there is a version of being careful with money that crosses into cold-heartedness. I鈥檓 trying to do better. It鈥檚 a work in progress.
Dayo: It makes me think sometimes. Not about whether I love her, because I do. But I think about the bigger picture. Marriage, having children, and going through hard seasons. You can鈥檛 do any of that with a partner who disappears when things are tight.
You mentioned trying to do better, Tomisin. What steps have you taken?
Tomisin: I now have a budget that I put aside for random requests. So it makes it easier for me to pull from that when anyone comes to me. Even if I can鈥檛 give them all they ask for, I鈥檒l have something for them. With Dayo, I鈥檓 learning to do things a lot more in our relationship. I admit I鈥檝e gotten used to having him play the sole provider role, but these days, I鈥檓 opening my purse a little more.
There are times I freak out, especially when I spend huge sums. For instance, we went to a fancy place for his birthday and spent 鈧150k. I just kept drawing different scenarios in my head of how that money could have been better utilised.
I think there’s a version of me that can give more freely. I just need to get there in my own way and at my own pace. It’s not something that changes overnight.
Fair enough. What’s the best thing about being with each other?
Dayo: Everything else, honestly. This money issue is real, and I am not trivialising it. But outside of that, Tomisin is genuinely one of the most enjoyable people I have spent time with. She is funny. She has a way of thinking about things that I find interesting. She went through a genuinely hard period when we first got together, and she didn鈥檛 collapse. She kept pushing. I respect that a lot.
She makes me want to show up. Even when I have my own problems, I still want to make sure she’s okay. That’s not something I’ve felt with everyone.
Tomisin: He鈥檚 one of the most caring people I鈥檝e ever met in my life. I know I frustrate him with the money issue, and I know it has caused real damage between us. But I also know that what he has brought to this relationship is something I don鈥檛 take for granted.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?
Dayo: 7. We鈥檙e a work in progress, and I think we鈥檝e both been intentional about keeping the relationship going. We might get to a 10 before the end of the year
Tomisin: 7 also. We’re still figuring each other out. But the foundation is solid and we’ll be fine.
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