In the second episode of 快猫视频’s 100 Nigerians: Anatomy of a Marriage, we asked married Nigerians to get honest about what it took to stay back in a marriage, especially when trust has been broken.
From partners who confessed their own infidelity to those who endured the painful process of uncovering a spouse’s betrayal, these stories reveal the grief, bargaining and difficult conversations that determine what comes after an affair.
鈥淲e both cheated and forgave each other鈥 鈥 Jemimah*, 36
My husband moved to Germany in 2019 while I remained in Nigeria. The distance was tough, but I stayed faithful and counted down the days until we could finally be together again. When I visited him in 2021, I found messages that revealed he鈥檇 been involved with another woman.
I was devastated. He apologised and insisted it had ended long before, but I was hurt. After I returned to Nigeria, I started an affair with a colleague who鈥檇 been flirting with me for months. I thought it would even the score or make me feel better. Instead, I felt guilty and ashamed.
I joined my husband in Germany in 2024, and we鈥檝e spent the last year rebuilding our marriage. The trust didn鈥檛 return overnight, but we鈥檙e still together and slowly finding our way back to each other.
鈥淢y trust hasn鈥檛 returned鈥 鈥 Charles*, 45
My wife and I belonged to the same friendship circle before we got married. There had always been chemistry between her and another friend, but he moved abroad and life went on. We got married, built a life together and I never had any reason to doubt her.
Years later, a mutual friend told me my wife had admitted to kissing him after we鈥檇 married. When I confronted her, she admitted.
I chose to forgive her, but I couldn鈥檛 stop asking myself difficult questions. Had she settled for me because he wasn鈥檛 around? Four years later, we鈥檙e still together, but I still don鈥檛 trust her the way I used to. Whenever she鈥檚 away, I worry more than I should.
鈥淚 stopped expecting my husband to be faithful鈥 鈥 Bola*, 42
My husband has cheated on me multiple times throughout our marriage. Whenever I confronted him, he鈥檇 either deny it or turn the conversation into a lecture about respect.
For years, I hoped he鈥檇 change. Eventually, I realised fighting the same battle over and over only drained me. It never changed him. These days, I focus on my children and my peace. Whenever we鈥檙e intimate, we use protection because I refuse to put my health at risk.
People might not understand why I stayed, but marriage isn鈥檛 that simple. I鈥檓 not willing to walk away from everything we鈥檝e built because of his behaviour.
鈥淥ur children discovered my wife鈥檚 affair鈥 鈥 Aminu*, 45
One day, our children showed me messages they鈥檇 found on my wife鈥檚 phone. As I read them, I realised she鈥檇 been exchanging explicit messages with another man. I later discovered money was involved, which she claims drew her into the relationship.
The affair hurt, but knowing our children uncovered her infidelity hurt even more. They should never have been exposed to something like that.
Our families eventually stepped in, and she cut off contact with the man. Since then, we鈥檝e tried to rebuild our marriage. What I still struggle with is her attitude. I don鈥檛 think she truly understands the pain, embarrassment and humiliation the affair caused, especially for our children.
鈥淗e found someone else to act out his fantasies鈥 鈥 Charity*, 38
I didn鈥檛 realise my husband was addicted to pornography until it started affecting our marriage. What began as requests to experiment in the bedroom gradually escalated into fantasies involving peeing, choking and other things I wasn鈥檛 comfortable with.
My breaking point came when he wanted us to try anal sex. I told him that if those experiences mattered that much, he鈥檇 have to find someone else because I wasn鈥檛 willing to compromise my health.
To my shock, he did. His confession hurt, but it also forced us into honest conversations we鈥檇 avoided for years. We鈥檝e accepted that we have very different expectations around sex and our marriage has become more peaceful since we stopped trying to change each other.
鈥淢y husband鈥檚 confession changed how I saw our marriage鈥 鈥 Mary*, 47
In 2017, my husband became deeply religious and decided to come clean about his past. During one of those conversations, he confessed that he鈥檇 cheated on me with two women I knew.
I was blindsided. We鈥檇 been married for years and I鈥檇 never suspected a thing. The betrayal was painful enough, but what hurt most was realising something so significant had happened under my nose.
He confessed because he wanted to move forward with a clear conscience, and I chose to stay.
Years later, the memory still returns when I least expect it. Sometimes I still wonder how someone I trusted so completely managed to keep a secret that big for so long.
鈥淎 joke ruined my trust鈥 鈥 Nonso*, 38
My wife and I have struggled to conceive since we got married, and the emotional toll has been enormous for both of us. During one conversation, she joked that she鈥檇 soon try having a child with someone else.
She laughed it off, but I couldn鈥檛. I kept replaying those words and wondering whether she鈥檇 considered it. For the first time, I questioned both her commitment to our marriage and my adequacy as a husband.
We鈥檝e talked about it since, and she insists it was only a joke. But I haven鈥檛 been able to let it go. Even though I have no reason to believe she鈥檚 been unfaithful, I catch myself watching her differently.
鈥淗e keeps his other family away鈥 鈥 Kayinsola*, 48
Before I married my husband, I made one thing clear: I never wanted a polygamous marriage. He grew up around polygamy but promised it would never happen to us.
12 years later, someone called to tell me he鈥檇 impregnated another woman and planned to marry her. He broke a promise he鈥檇 made to me. I stopped speaking to him for a while because I couldn鈥檛 understand how the man I trusted could make a decision that would change our family forever.
Still, he went ahead with the marriage. Accepting that he has a second family is one of the hardest things I鈥檝e done. We鈥檙e still together because he respects the boundaries I set. He keeps his other family completely separate from ours. Since they got married in 2022, I鈥檝e only seen them once.
鈥淚鈥檓 still in the marriage for my own reasons鈥 鈥 Joan*, 43
My husband cheated on me before we got married. I knew, but he convinced me it meant nothing emotionally. According to him, casual sex didn鈥檛 count as cheating, and I was young enough to believe him.
Marriage didn鈥檛 change anything. The affairs continued, usually during work trips or nights out with friends. Eventually, I grew numb. We鈥檙e still married, but infidelity changed how I see him. I slowly fell out of love, and these days, I鈥檓 only here because the marriage still benefits me.
鈥淢y wife鈥檚 affair came during our hardest season鈥 鈥 Chibueze*, 48
My wife confessed to an affair in 2014. We were struggling financially, and I wasn鈥檛 handling it well. I shut down emotionally and pushed her away every time she tried to get close. She said she felt lonely and neglected, but that explanation didn鈥檛 make the betrayal hurt any less.
I was convinced the marriage was over. I only stayed because our children were still young. I told myself I鈥檇 leave once they were older. But I never did.
Life slowly improved. I became more financially stable, and we found our way back to each other. I still wish she鈥檇 chosen a different way to deal with our problems. But I鈥檝e also accepted that my emotional withdrawal created cracks in our marriage. Today, I no longer want a divorce.
鈥淚 found out about my husband鈥檚 second marriage from his cousin鈥 鈥 Zainab*, 59
My husband always promised he鈥檇 never take another wife. Then, in 1998, one of his cousins told me he was preparing to marry a younger woman. I was blindsided. He鈥檇 been transferred to a state near his hometown, and, from everything I later learnt, his family pressured him into marrying again.
What hurt most was that no one told me until the wedding day. Still, I attended and shared souvenirs. I wanted him to know I was aware.
The look on his face told me he鈥檇 never imagined I鈥檇 show up. Afterwards, I refused to compete with his new wife and continued treating him with kindness. As the universe will have it, their marriage didn鈥檛 last. Within three years, it had fallen apart.
鈥淗is affair nearly ended our marriage鈥 鈥 Prisca*, 43
One of my husband鈥檚 friends casually mentioned he had a girlfriend in the city where he worked.
At first, I thought it was a misunderstanding. Then I looked into it and found out it was true. Whenever he came home, I barely acknowledged him. We lived like strangers for months, and at one point, we were essentially separated.
But that wasn鈥檛 the end of our story. Eventually, time brought us back together. He moved back home full-time in 2024, and we had to face each other again. We started talking, listening to each other and were forced to deal with everything we鈥檇 avoided for years. Today, we鈥檙e in a much better place.
鈥淚 pretend we鈥檙e in an open marriage鈥 鈥 Jacob*, 47
My wife has cheated on me more than once. Each time, she鈥檇 apologise, promise to change and eventually do it again. One day, I simply stopped fighting. I work away from home for long stretches, and I got tired of trying to change someone who didn鈥檛 want to change.
Eventually, the anger disappeared. So did the disappointment about what our union had come to.
We鈥檝e stayed together because of our children and everything we鈥檝e built over the years. I鈥檝e accepted that pretending we鈥檙e in an open marriage works best for us. Now, when I鈥檓 away, I see other people too.
鈥淚 don鈥檛 want my children to experience divorce鈥 鈥 Imole*, 41
My husband鈥檚 infidelity has hurt me more than I can put into words. Still, leaving has never been an option. I grew up as a child of divorce. After my parents separated, I lived with my father and a stepmother who didn鈥檛 treat me well.
I鈥檝e never forgotten what that felt like. That鈥檚 why I鈥檝e always wanted something different for my own children. Over the years, I鈥檝e stopped tying my peace to my husband鈥檚 choices.
Instead, I鈥檝e focused on raising my children and becoming financially independent. There鈥檚 comfort in knowing that if I ever decide to leave, I鈥檒l be able to stand on my own.
听*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
If you loved this, you won’t want to miss the next episode. The Parenting Shift explores how marriage changes once children enter the picture. Dropping July 10th.
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