Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?ĢżIf yes,Ģż.

How long have you been with your partner?

David and I started dating around the end of January, so weā€™ve been together for about five months.

How did you meet?

We met at my office in 2025. Heā€™s a major supplier of electronic gadgets and occasionally does business with my boss. He started asking me out since the first time we met. 

He was always telling me he liked me, asking for my number so we could ā€œget to know each otherā€ every time he came to our office. Heā€™d also drop cash, sometimes up to ā‚¦50k, for me and my two female colleagues to ā€œdo weekend.ā€ 

I didnā€™t take him seriously at first. Maybe it was because of how quickly he came on to me. I just assumed he was the kind of man who loved to chase women. The constant spending didnā€™t help either. It felt like he liked trying to impress women, and I was definitely not impressed.

What changed your mind?

After months of his pestering, my colleague noticed and convinced me to give him a chance. We went to the cinema, then went to his house after the movie, and he ordered food. 

When the food came, he dished it out and served me. That seems like a small detail, but I thought it was sweet. Iā€™ve dated men who expected me to cook for them the first time I visited, but David served me and did the dishes after. He didnā€™t allow me to lift a finger. I felt valued. 

We talked regularly after that, and I enjoyed his company. He was also very intentional. Heā€™d randomly order food to the office for me. One time, he sent me ā‚¦5k airtime because, according to him, I wasnā€™t calling him enough and he always wanted to hear my voice. Iā€™m not even sure exactly when we transitioned to dating. We just went from me doing shakara to constantly talking and then calling each other cute pet names.

So, what has five-ish months of dating been like?

Itā€™s been really interesting. Being with David has helped me become a better version of myself. I used to be really quick to judge people and lose my temper, but heā€™s teaching me the importance of patience.

Heā€™s also really generous. I used to be dependent on loan apps, because to be honest, a ā‚¦120k salary in Lagos is nothing. But I canā€™t remember the last time I had to take a loan because heā€™s randomly sending me money. In a month, I get up to ā‚¦100k from him. For someone like me, who struggles to ask their partner for money, itā€™s like living in a dream. 

°Õ³ó±šĢżĢżis returning on August 22, 2026, in Lagos! Come learn from finance experts and industry leaders, and partake in unfiltered conversations about building wealth and diversifying your income stream in a country like Nigeria.ĢżReal stories, expert advice you can actually use, and a community ready to build wealth together.Ģż.

Is it safe to assume youā€™re both transparent with your finances?

Well, he knows how much I earn because I told him ā€” it came up when I was complaining to him about being broke ā€” but I donā€™t have a clear sense of his finances. I know he clearly has money, but thatā€™s about it. I donā€™t think thatā€™s a big deal, though. I canā€™t be asking him how much he has or anything like that.

What kind of money conversations do you and David have?

Itā€™s mostly him helping my life, haha. Though recently, weā€™ve been talking, more like arguing, about how an ideal marriage should run.

We were discussing a movie we saw together when David revealed that he doesnā€™t believe married women should work. I thought he was joking, but he was really serious about it, saying stuff like, ā€œGod forbid my wife will work for anyone.ā€ And he didnā€™t even limit it to office work. Whether itā€™s running a business or working in an office, he said he doesnā€™t want either.

I donā€™t share the same sentiment. I canā€™t imagine not working and depending completely on my husband to buy ordinary pads. We had a long argument about it before I dropped it, so that peace could reign. Iā€™ve brought the matter up a few more times since then, but he still stands firmly on his stance.

Did he say why heā€™s against married women working?

He gave several reasons which donā€™t make sense. He said women who work are more likely to cheat because theyā€™re always meeting men. When I pointed out that he wouldnā€™t have met me if I werenā€™t working, he said I was proving his point. That what would stop other men from chasing me too? No matter how many times I said that a man chasing a woman doesnā€™t mean sheā€™ll accept the advances, he refused to change his belief.

He also says heā€™s a traditional man who believes in providing for his woman. When I argued that taking care of a woman doesnā€™t mean she shouldnā€™t work, he was like, ā€œHow much is your salary sef? I can pay you double, What do you need work for?ā€

Another one of his claims is that working women donā€™t respect their husbands. I pointed out that I already respect him, but he painted a scenario of how wives use stress from work as an excuse not to want to cook or have sex with their husbands. Itā€™s like every argument I bring, heā€™s ready with a counterargument.

Hmmm. Is his stance against work a deal-breaker for you?

Iā€™d say itā€™s something I really want to change. I donā€™t want to marry someone who shares this belief because I know how important financial independence is for every woman. My aunt saw shege in her marriage because of this same issue. The only difference was that her husband wasnā€™t rich, but he still didnā€™t want her to work. I donā€™t want to suffer like that.

On the other hand, I love David. I think, with time, I can show him that he doesnā€™t need to worry about me changing or stressing him after marriage. So, it would be a deal-breaker for me if, after more time together, he still has this mindset. But I think I can change him. 

I know that statement is problematic. Can someone really change a man? Sometimes I wonder if I should just cut my losses and move on from the relationship. But I think I should at least try, right? Iā€™ll just need to be wise about it and try to gradually change his mindset.

All the best. How do dating expenses like dates and gifts work in your relationship?

David isnā€™t the going-on-dates type, and the gifts are mostly monetary. For Valentineā€™s Day, he bought me a wig and some clothes. I gifted him my presence, haha. Now that I think about it, I havenā€™t bought him a gift yet. I should do better.

Do you both have financial safety nets?

I only just started regularly saving last month. Right now, I have just ā‚¦50k saved. Iā€™m not sure if David has savings, but I expect he should.

Whatā€™s the ideal financial future youā€™d like for you and David?

Iā€™d like for both of us to co-own a successful chain of businesses one day. Of course, Iā€™d have to get him to agree to allowing me to work first for that to happen.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ:ĢżMy Mother-in-Law Is a Financial Burden, but I Canā€™t Admit It

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?ĢżIf yes,Ģż.

How long have you been with your partner?

My wife, Phoebe, and I have been married for five years. We courted for a year before we got married.

How did you meet?

My pastor matchmade us in 2020. Iā€™d just come out of a long-term relationship that ended in heartbreak, and my pastor noticed I was getting depressed. So, he was like, ā€œYou need to move on. I have the perfect woman for you.ā€

Pheobe was his wifeā€™s mentee. My pastor shared her number, and we got talking. True to his words, she was the perfect woman. She was warm, outgoing, and we shared similar values. We knew the purpose of the matchmaking was to get married, so once we clicked, we just started planning the wedding. 

It took a year because we had to attend marriage counselling for six months and court for another six ā€” we donā€™t call it dating in my church ā€” to know each other better. Our families and church helped fund our wedding, which was really helpful.

Would you say you were both financially prepared to get married?

Can one really be completely financially ready? From our income perspective, it could definitely have been better. 

I had an office manager job that paid me ā‚¦150k/month, and Phoebeā€™s teaching job paid ā‚¦80k. Both salaries combined werenā€™t ideal for building a home, but we believed in starting small and taking one step at a time.

Also, we agreed that it would be all-hands-on-deck. We were open with each other about our finances, and the idea was weā€™d operate a 100-100 system. My money is our money, and so is her money. As long as there was a need, either of us could take it up if we had the money to sort it out.

Was it like a joint account system?

Oh no. Each personā€™s money stays in their own account. I donā€™t really believe in joint accounts or putting all the money in one personā€™s account because it can intentionally give one person power over the other. 

You have to start explaining what youā€™re using your money for, and you canā€™t even spend your own money freely without someone keeping an eye on it. It works for some people, but I donā€™t think itā€™s healthy.

°Õ³ó±šĢżĢżis returning on August 22, 2026, in Lagos! Come learn from finance experts and industry leaders, and partake in unfiltered conversations about building wealth and diversifying your income stream in a country like Nigeria.ĢżReal stories, expert advice you can actually use, and a community ready to build wealth together.Ģż.

I see your point

Our own system is different. We know each otherā€™s income and handle expenses as they come. If my wife gets paid now, she can buy food for the home without asking me. If her salary runs out, she tells me, and I send her money for food. 

Or if my salary runs out first after taking care of things for the house, she starts ā€œloaningā€ me money for transport. I typically donā€™t pay back, and she doesnā€™t expect me to. Even if I pay her back and become broke again, sheā€™s still the one Iā€™ll run back to. Weā€™ve been running this system for five years now, and itā€™s been working for us. 

What do your finances look like these days?

I earn ā‚¦380k/month now, and my wife earns about ā‚¦150k in total from teaching and organising after-school tutorials. 

We earn more now, but things are tougher than when we first got married because we now have two children, and my wifeā€™s mother moved in with us five months ago.

Oh. Why did she move in?

She used to live with my wifeā€™s elder brother until he moved out of the country, and my wife didnā€™t want her to return to the village alone. I understand her reasons, but having my mother-in-law here has only made our financial struggles worse.

Before, we could manage our finances so that my wifeā€™s salary covered our feeding and her transportation to work. Mine covered rent, transportation, and other household expenses. Now, barely one week after my wife gets paid, she starts asking me for food money because sheā€™s spent all her salary. 

Since my mother-in-law came, our food expenses have tripled. She has certain health conditions and can only eat certain foods, such as fish and vegetables, without seasoning. Most of the time, my wife has to cook two separate meals so Mama can eat. Thatā€™s not sustainable, and Iā€™m tired of complaining. Whenever I complain about her money running out too quickly, my wife makes it seem like I donā€™t want her mother around. 

To be fair to her, my wife tries her best to manage the added expenses, but itā€™s still a lot for us. The only solution would be for my mother-in-law to leave. Sheā€™s a financial burden, and my wife knows it, which is why she interprets my complaints as an attempt to send her away. 

Technically, thatā€™s true. I want her to leave, but Iā€™ve been holding back from saying it to keep the peace. Admitting that would be like signing away my peace of mind. For years to come, sheā€™ll keep referring to the time when I ā€œsent her mother awayā€.

Hmm. So, how do you intend to handle the situation?

Iā€™ve repeatedly suggested to my wife that we ask her brother to send us some money each month to take care of her mother, but sheā€™s against it for a couple of reasons. 

One, her brother just recently relocated, and she thinks it would be unfair to start asking for money before they get settled. Two, itā€™s her mum, and she wants to be able to take care of her. Again, I understand that, but how can we do that when we donā€™t have money? Iā€™m trying to be as patient and understanding as I can to avoid a major disagreement, but it gets to a limit. Weā€™ve been having regular quarrels about it.

Iā€™ve told my wife she has until September to discuss with her brother and settle on a living arrangement or allowance for her mother. Our first child will start school in September. If she doesnā€™t discuss the situation with her brother, Iā€™ll call him myself and tell him what’s happening here. I canā€™t keep shouldering extra responsibility.

With all the financial responsibilities, is there any space in your budget for relationship expenses like dates and gifts?

With which money? I canā€™t remember the last time we went on a date or bought each other gifts. We didnā€™t even take those seriously before. Now, weā€™re just trying to survive.

You mentioned saving for rent earlier. Is there any other safety net?

Itā€™s mostly just rent. I save ā‚¦65k monthly for that. My wife makes a ā‚¦15k monthly ajo contribution at her place of work, and we usually use that to get something we need for the house or to repay any loan weā€™ve taken to cover expenses. 

We take loans from friends almost every month to sort out one unforeseen circumstance or another. In April, for instance, my son fell ill, and we had to borrow ā‚¦100k for the medical expenses.

Whatā€™s the ideal financial future youā€™d like for you and Phoebe?

We both need better jobs. What we earn today is practically nothing. If we both earn at least ā‚¦500k, Iā€™m sure our future will be much better.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: I Introduced Her to a Lifestyle I Can No Longer Maintain

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?ĢżIf yes,Ģż.

How long have you been with your partner?

My girlfriend, Roseline, and I have been dating for seven months.

How did you meet?

We met at a house party and sleepover last year. I typically avoid settings like that because Iā€™m an ambivert. While I love partying and having a good time, I get sick of it when I have to stay for too long. So, I almost didn’t attend, but the host was a close friend I hadnā€™t hung out with in forever.

At some point during the night, I got tired and went to hide in the bar at one corner of the room. Thatā€™s where I met Roseline. Iā€™d seen her in the apartment earlier, but we hadnā€™t said anything to each other. She was the only other person at the bar, so we started a conversation. 

We talked for hours about everything from music to movies, and stayed up after most people had crashed. Weā€™d make out, stop to talk some more and then make out again. It was an intense connection. So intense that I didnā€™t even mind that she lived in Ibadan. We started dating almost immediately after.

Iā€™m screaming. Why did you say Ibadan like that?

I donā€™t have anything against the city. I just wasnā€™t the biggest fan of long-distance relationships. Iā€™m always the first to discourage anyone who tells me theyā€™ve found love with someone in a different city. 

Maybe itā€™s because women have broken my heart a few times, but I think itā€™s already difficult to manage a relationship with someone you see daily, let alone someone several kilometres away.

However, I completely forgot my own no-long-distance-love rule when Roseline came into the picture. I kept telling myself, ā€œShebi itā€™s Ibadan here, weā€™ll run it.ā€

So, how have you guys been ā€œrunning itā€?

In the first few months, we travelled to see each other every weekend. Roseline did most of the travelling because she runs an online business and has a more flexible schedule. Whether I was travelling to Ibadan or she was coming to see me, I handled all the expenses from transportation to accommodation and feeding. 

I share a room-and-parlour apartment with a friend, and Roseline is often uncomfortable with company and says she canā€™t be free around my friend. So, whenever she visits, we stay in a hotel for two nights. This also applies when I visit Ibadan. She lives with her sister, so I pay for hotels there too. Then I still have to consider food and dates, because ā€œwe canā€™t just stay indoors all through.ā€

Yikes. Sounds like you spend a tidy amount on each trip

I spend at least ā‚¦150k on each visit. Notice how I said, ā€œIn the first few monthsā€ earlier? About four months into our relationship, I realised how crazy it was that I was spending so much and reduced the trips to once a month, which is still expensive.

Iā€™m honestly not sure what even possessed me to start this whole travelling-and-staying-in-hotels business. I think I was in the love-struck phase and was eager to do anything to please my babe. Also, around the time we started dating, I made ā‚¦3m from a consulting gig and felt rich. Maybe thatā€™s why I lost my senses for a bit and was spending anyhow. 

Hmmm. Whereā€™s that ā‚¦3m now?

Omo. I canā€™t pinpoint one reasonable thing that I used that money for. After withdrawing ā‚¦700k from it to replace my iPhone and buy a few clothes, the money just gradually disappeared. 

I know a chunk of it went to funding the Lagos-Ibadan trips and the ā€œnew relationshipā€ high. I also bought Roseline a ā‚¦140k wig and sent her money a few times. I donā€™t even want to think about that money because I was incredibly foolish with it. It was my first million, so to speak, and I thought it would last forever. It didnā€™t last four months.

°Õ³ó±šĢżĢżis returning on August 22, 2026, in Lagos! Come learn from finance experts and industry leaders, and partake in unfiltered conversations about building wealth and diversifying your income stream in a country like Nigeria.ĢżReal stories, expert advice you can actually use, and a community ready to build wealth together.Ģż.

You mentioned you and Roseline only see each other once a month now. Did that take some getting used to?

Weā€™re still getting used to it. Roseline hasnā€™t been a big fan of the new arrangement. I fear I introduced her to a lifestyle I can no longer maintain. 

She somehow interprets my reluctance to fund trips as ā€œnot wanting her to come over.ā€ The last two times she visited, I insisted we stay in my apartment with my roommate, and she was in a bad mood the whole time. It was as if I knew she didnā€™t like a situation, and I was forcing her to be in it.

Sheā€™s said she wonā€™t visit if we donā€™t stay at a hotel. Iā€™m lowkey fine with that, but every two to three days, she’ll be like, ā€œSo you arenā€™t missing me, abi?ā€ 

Does she know the change is because of money?

I tell her all the time, but I donā€™t think she believes me. I think she just assumes I have money somewhere, and Iā€™m deciding not to spend it on her. 

If sheā€™s not complaining about us not seeing, she’s complaining that itā€™s been a while since I gave her money or bought her anything.

What kind of money conversations do you both have?

We donā€™t really talk about money like that, except when sheā€™s asking me for it, or Iā€™m telling her I donā€™t have. Our relationship is still in its early stages, so we havenā€™t gotten to the point where we talk about our income and finances yet. I honestly think thatā€™s a conversation reserved for people who have been together for a year or two. 

I know not everyone will agree with that, but I think itā€™s a bit weird to start asking each other, ā€œWhatā€™s your salary?ā€ or ā€œHow much does your business bring in monthly?ā€ I think money conversations like that should happen organically, and we just havenā€™t gotten there yet.

Now that I think about it, I think not knowing might be the reason for Roselineā€™s expectations. I work for a ā€œbigā€ company, so maybe she thinks Iā€™m making serious money. It also doesnā€™t help that I was spending like a fool when we met. Maybe Iā€™ll tell her one of these days that I only earn ā‚¦600k. She should calm down with the billing.

What do your relationship expenses look like these days?

Itā€™s very minimal. The last two times she visited, we only stayed indoors, watched movies and ordered food. I know sheā€™ll most likely want a more exciting date when we see each other again, but Iā€™m trying to push that forward as much as possible.

Right now, the most I do is send her random ā‚¦10k for data once or twice a month, or pay for her Chowdeck order like once a week.

Do you both have financial safety nets?

I save ā‚¦100k monthly. Most of that goes to rent, and I leave the remaining in my savings app. Right now, I have ā‚¦500k in my savings, which is crazy given that I was technically a millionaire last year. 

I know Roseline also uses a savings app, but Iā€™m not sure how much she saves or how much she has. Iā€™d say we both tend to spend first and save later. We like to have a good time, so itā€™s really hard ā€” at least for me ā€” to deprive myself just because I want to be able to say I have some money somewhere. But Iā€™ll keep trying my best to be more financially responsible.

Whatā€™s the ideal financial future youā€™d like for you and Roseline?

One where we both earn enough to travel around the world comfortably without having to consider selling a kidney.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ:ĢżI Fear Marrying Her Would Make Me Her Familyā€™s Breadwinner

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?ĢżIf yes,Ģż.

How long have you been with your partner?

My girlfriend, Nimi, and I have been together for two years.

How did you both meet?

We met at a wedding in 2024. I was the MC, and she worked as one of the caterersā€™ assistants. Towards the end of the reception, a vehicle hit the catererā€™s bus, damaging some utensils, leading to a commotion in the parking area.

I tried my best to calm the affected people because the situation was affecting the party, but they were just shouting. It was chaotic. Nimi was one of the more level-headed people. I noticed how maturely she spoke and suggested solutions. 

After the wahala settled, I struck up a conversation with her. We exchanged numbers, and by the next day, we were dating.

Just like that?

I can be very direct when I want to be. I just told her I liked her and wanted to be in a relationship with her. 

Nimi was like, ā€œAhan, calm down. You donā€™t even know me.ā€

I said, ā€œWe can be knowing each other inside the relationship.ā€

I mustā€™ve been persuasive, because she accepted. Now that I think about it, it was such an impulsive move. I guess I was just tired of all the rules around relationships. Iā€™ve done everything, from long talking stages to forming friendships first before coming clean, yet all the relationships ended in heartbreak. I just wanted to try something different. Nimi was down, and thatā€™s how we started.

We started dating ā€œover the phoneā€, and I cooked for her during our indoor date the following weekend to officially kickstart the relationship. She often jokes that tasting my cooking was the final sign she needed to be sure sheā€™d made the right decision.

Haha. Thatā€™s sweet. Was it easy dating someone you barely knew, though?

We had what Iā€™d call ā€œgrowing painsā€ in our first year. We were two people with different personalities trying to be together. Nimi is an introvert, while Iā€™m an extrovert. She likes that Iā€™m outgoing, but she started to have issues with the number of female friends I have. To be fair, I have a lot. 

Nimi and I could be hanging out at my place, and one of my female friends would just knock on my door and enter. Or another would call me and want to talk for hours. I didnā€™t see any problem with it, so when Nimi started complaining, I thought she was overreacting. We had a lot of arguments and even broke up for a week before I received sense and begged that Iā€™d change.

We also clashed over our spending decisions, particularly Nimiā€™s spending. Nimi is the hardest-working woman Iā€™ve met. She does everything from event catering to makeup and mobile photography. Sheā€™s an actual jack of all trades, but you never see the impact of the money she makes. Sheā€™s the firstborn and would rather spend all her money on her widowed mum and siblings before buying underwear for herself.

Hmmm. Iā€™m assuming you had a problem with that

Oh yes. I didnā€™t understand why she couldnā€™t say no to requests or only help once in a while. In our first year, I constantly brought it up, and we argued a lot. She argued that I didnā€™t understand the responsibility, and I kept saying I didnā€™t even want to understand. 

At some point, she said I was complaining because I thought sheā€™d start asking me for money once she was broke. We had a lot of bitter arguments in that line, with Nimi saying sheā€™d never ask me for money, so I didnā€™t need to bother. 

I learned to back off and present my concerns more sensitively. Iā€™ve noticed sheā€™s more receptive to feedback when I donā€™t come off like Iā€™m attacking her choices. So, I approach the topic of how much she gives her family by first empathising and suggesting better ways to handle the responsibility. And there have been improvements. Now, she tries to stick to sending them a set amount of money each month rather than just whenever they ask. She also saves more these days.

It still hasnā€™t completely solved the ā€œfamily expectationsā€ problem, though. They still call for help. Recently, itā€™s become an even bigger problem for me.

How so?

Nimi and I are planning to get married by the end of the year or early next year. So, weā€™ve met each otherā€™s families. The problem is, Nimiā€™s family seems to have decided I can also be an ATM.

It started with her younger sister asking me for a birthday gift. She reached out to me on WhatsApp and was like, ā€œBro Lekan, my birthday is on so-so date. Buy me a gift o.ā€ I didnā€™t think it was a big deal, so I promised to buy her one. Later, she asked me to monetise it instead. So, I sent her ā‚¦20k. 

This was in December 2025. Some days later, her younger brother asked me to do Christmas for him, and I sent him ā‚¦10k. When I visited their mum for the New Year, she complained about her damaged phone charger, so I bought her a new one. 

Since then, itā€™s like I opened the floodgates of requests. At least once a month, Nimiā€™s siblings or mum would call me to complain about something, and Iā€™d feel like I had to send money.

°Õ³ó±šĢżĢżis returning on August 22, 2026, in Lagos! Come learn from finance experts and industry leaders, and partake in unfiltered conversations about building wealth and diversifying your income stream in a country like Nigeria.ĢżReal stories, expert advice you can actually use, and a community ready to build wealth together.Ģż.

Does Nimi know about this?

Not at first. But when I noticed the pattern her family was bringing, I complained to her about it. This was around March. She wasnā€™t happy about it and warned them to stop, but just a few weeks ago, her brother still called to ask for a loan.

Iā€™m concerned that this will be a regular occurrence after we get married. So far, Nimi has been practically independent and handles most of her financial responsibilities herself, but it wonā€™t remain the same after we marry. Iā€™ll have to handle most of the bills and take care of her. Iā€™m worried that ā€œtaking care of herā€ will extend to her family, too.

Of course, itā€™s not bad to support your spouseā€™s family, but Nimiā€™s family is extra demanding. I donā€™t want a situation where Iā€™m working just to feed someone, or some family members will be sitting one place, feeling entitled to my money.

Hmmm

Itā€™s a major concern for me. I havenā€™t really talked to Nimi about this because I know how sheā€™d react. Sheā€™d most likely take it the wrong way and say something like, ā€œI will support them myself. We wonā€™t ask for your money.ā€ But itā€™s not that simple. 

In marriage, both partners should be one in every aspect, including financially. I believe both partners should pool resources to run the home. It canā€™t be a case of, ā€œThis is my money. Iā€™ll spend it however I like.ā€ We should both discuss and decide on how weā€™re spending. 

For instance, if Iā€™m bringing more money, I wonā€™t say Iā€™ll spend it all on myself. If my wife has a need, she can just take it. I wouldnā€™t be comfortable if sheā€™s spending like that on her family, or if she wants to keep her own income separate so she can spend it on them.

Nimi says she agrees with the idea of pooling resources, but I get the sense itā€™ll be an issue for her. Sheā€™s quite independent and will most likely push back if I try to determine how much she supports her family. Also, if sheā€™s broke and her family has a need, sheā€™ll turn to her husband for help. Will I say I canā€™t give her family money, even though I donā€™t actually want to? I donā€™t want to become their breadwinner.

It seems you both have non-negotiables to work through

I guess so. Sometimes I think that couples donā€™t need to be 100% compatible to get married. I mean, husbands and wives will always disagree. We donā€™t need to think the same way about everything.

On the other hand, I wonder if this money issue isnā€™t a fundamental problem to pay more attention to. I still intend to address this, though. Iā€™m eager to read what people think about our situation, and if they have any advice I can use.

Let’s talk about what spending on stuff like dates and gifts looks like in your relationship

I love giving gifts. Whenever Iā€™m out and see anything Nimi might like, I buy it for her. She never buys anything for herself. I also cook for her regularly because she doesnā€™t like to cook. I consider it my way of taking care of her.

Nimi also does gifts, but itā€™s mostly during special occasions like birthdays. But she does help me out with money. We both donā€™t work salaried jobs, so we understand how our incomes can fluctuate. If Iā€™m broke today, I know I can just call and ask her to lend me money. She has my back.

Do you both have financial safety nets?

Yes, we both have savings. Iā€™m not sure how much she has, but I encourage her to save between ā‚¦50k and ā‚¦100k each month. I myself like to save 30% of whatever I make. Sometimes, thatā€™s around ā‚¦100k monthly. I currently have about ā‚¦800k in my savings, but thatā€™ll drop to half in a few days because I have to pay rent.

Whatā€™s the ideal financial future youā€™d like for you and Nimi?

Iā€™ve been dreaming about us jointly owning a successful event production company. We can do it. We have the skill and experience; itā€™s just the money that’s left. 

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ:Ģż I Canā€™t Marry Him Because Heā€™s Too Comfortable Being Broke

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

How long have you been with your partner?

Akin and I started dating in July 2025, so itā€™s almost a year.

How did you and Akin meet?

We met at my birthday dinner. Some of my closest friends organised a surprise celebration for me, but the person who was supposed to bring the cake and drinks had an emergency and couldnā€™t make it. So, he got Akin to deliver them instead. 

Before Akin arrived, the energy had already dipped. Imagine a birthday with no cake or drinks. However, Akinā€™s infectious energy lit up the room in no time. Akin has a way with people. You canā€™t be near him and not laugh. I had such a good time and laughed so much; I didnā€™t even know when I gave him my number.

Iā€™m screaming

We were in a talking stage for about three weeks. It was that long because every time he tried to set up a date, something came up. I was either busy with work or had an event to go to. He didnā€™t want to officially ask me out over the phone, so we kept postponing the date. 

We eventually went on a picnic, and thatā€™s when we became official. To be honest, I wasnā€™t really feeling the picnic vibe. I donā€™t like heat or insects, so outdoor dates arenā€™t really my thing. But again, Akin has a way of making you drop your concerns and go with the flow. 

Iā€™ve been going with the flow since then. I donā€™t always love it, but we move.

Wait. Tell me more. What donā€™t you love?

Hmm. Akin can be overly carefree. Or maybe itā€™s because Iā€™m very organised. I like to have plans, backup plans and even more backups if the first couple of plans donā€™t work out. Akin is nothing like that. Ask him what he plans to do tomorrow, and heā€™ll be like, ā€œDo I even know if Iā€™ll wake up tomorrow?ā€ 

Sometimes itā€™s endearing how he never takes life too seriously and does not let things weigh him down. However, most times, his personality triggers my anxiety. Like, how donā€™t you have a plan for anything? He thinks Iā€™m too serious. I donā€™t think heā€™s serious enough. Even worse, his personality seeps into how he handles his career and finances. 

How so?

Weā€™re both freelancers ā€” heā€™s a web developer, and Iā€™m a writer ā€” but my income is more stable than his. I make around ā‚¦800k – ā‚¦1m monthly, and Iā€™m constantly looking for new clients and pitching people. Akin is content with referrals or with someone miraculously stumbling on his portfolio. 

It doesnā€™t make sense to me. Youā€™re a tech bro and should be making more money than I do. How are you content with averaging ā‚¦500k in a month and often getting broke? This question makes up almost every conversation we have about money. Iā€™m not even sure I can call them conversations; theyā€™re mostly me complaining. 

If Iā€™m not complaining about his lackadaisical attitude to making money, itā€™s about how he spends without planning for a rainy day. I think he has a thing against saving. If I manage to convince him to save for two months. By the third month, heā€™ll say something came up, and he had to spend the money. It gets frustrating trying to get him to be organised.

Does this lead to conflicts?

Not really. Heā€™s very carefree, so he never takes offence. If anything, itā€™s me who gets worked up after complaining. Then heā€™d tease me, make me laugh, and we’d move on to something else.

This whole routine was cute for a while, but Iā€™m getting older, so I have to think more deeply about things. Iā€™m 28, and I want to get married by 30. Maybe even before then. While I love and care about Akin, I donā€™t think I can marry him ā€” not while heā€™s still at this financial level. 

I canā€™t marry someone who earns less than me, and worse, less than ā‚¦1m/month. I mean, look at how Nigeria is going. What kind of life would we live? I also canā€™t hope that Akinā€™s finances will improve, because his attitude doesnā€™t reassure me. Iā€™ve been thinking about this for the last few weeks, and thatā€™s the conclusion Iā€™ve come to. Heā€™s a good guy, but heā€™s not my future.

Does he know about your concerns and the ā€œmarriage by 30ā€ timeline?

I donā€™t want to tell him, so he doesnā€™t start subconsciously pretending to be the man I want, and then return to his old, comfortable self once we get married. The only signs Iā€™ve been giving him are my complaints about his career and financial trajectory. 

If he keeps ignoring the hints, Iā€™ll have no choice but to pack my bags when the time comes. Iā€™m still here because heā€™s good to me. If someone comes into the picture and ticks all my boxes, Iā€™m sorry, Iā€™ll have to leave. I need to put my future first.

Interesting. Since youā€™re still together, what does your spending on relationship stuff like dates and gifts look like?

We arenā€™t that big on gifts, but whenever we can, we go on dates. Akin has a constantly expanding list of places he wants us to visit in Lagos, so we end up doing a lot of outdoor dates. Not exactly my style, but I indulge him. Akin pays for all date expenses. 

Do you have a financial safety net?

I do, but Akin doesnā€™t. I have ā‚¦2.2m in investments (mutual funds and real estate), ā‚¦660k in my emergency fund and ā‚¦3m in my regular savings app. I also have roughly ā‚¦800k tied up in gold.

Whatā€™s the ideal financial future you want for yourself and Akin, assuming youā€™re still together?

I really just want to live a comfortable life with my partner in our own property, with tons of investments and safety nets. I donā€™t see that with Akin yet; he canā€™t see that far ahead.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: We Love Each Other, but Sheā€™s Not Open About Her Finances

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Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?ĢżIf yes,Ģż.

How long have you been with your partner?

My fiancƩe, Lola, and I have dated for about a year and a half. We got engaged two months ago.

Congrats on your engagement! How did you meet Lola?

Funny story. We met inside an Uber. We both picked the ride-sharing option, but I was the first passenger. The driver was supposed to pick her up somewhere along the way. However, we got there, and she wasnā€™t there. He had to start calling, trying to confirm her location. 

I was pissed that she was holding me up. I even considered telling her to her face when she finally came. But when she did, I couldnā€™t say anything again. She was so beautiful. All I could think about was finding a way to get her number before getting to my destination.

In other words, you lost focus

I did o. She apologised for the delay, and I used that as an opportunity to get talking. Luckily, I did get her number before the ride ended. That weekend, I asked her to hang out at an arcade. We played games, ate and had a good time. I spent about ā‚¦80k on that day, including paying for her cab ride back home.

Did you both start dating immediately?

Pretty much. I think we both just knew we wanted a relationship from the moment we exchanged numbers. There was no long talking stage, fortunately. After that arcade date, I was like, ā€œSo I can start calling you my babe now, right?ā€ and she was like, ā€œBefore nko?ā€

Our relationship has sort of followed the same pattern since then: easy and straightforward. Our engagement was pretty easy, too. I just thought one day, ā€œI love this babe, and Iā€™d like to get married in 2027.ā€ 

Within three weeks, Iā€™d bought the ring and proposed. Before I asked her to marry me, we hadnā€™t really talked about marriage. However, weā€™d once promised to be together for the long term. She said yes, so itā€™s safe to say weā€™re on the same page. 

Love it for you both. Nowā€™s the part where I ask about your finances

Our finances are good for Nigerian standards. However, one small problem is that Iā€™m never really sure how much Lola has or makes. I have a regular 9-5 that pays me ā‚¦800k/month. Lola knows how much I earn since itā€™s the same amount every month. 

Sometimes, I earn more from side gigs, and I carry her along too. Maybe itā€™s because I use everything as gist. If someone pays me ā‚¦500k today, best believe Iā€™m telling Lola the next time we talk. Like, ā€œHow was your day?ā€ ā€œOh, Iā€™m fine. This guy just paid me ā‚¦500k for that job I did last week.ā€

Lola isnā€™t like that. Sheā€™s a freelance writer, so she doesnā€™t have a stable income, but I know she earns in dollars. What I donā€™t know is how much she makes. She often gives vague comments about working with clients, but never talks about money. I think itā€™s weird to ask pointed questions like, ā€œHow much are they paying?ā€ so I try not to. It feels like pocket watching.

On the few occasions that I do ask, she typically doesnā€™t give a straight answer. She could go, ā€œThe client is not even paying up to $20/hour,ā€ or ā€œIā€™m trying to get them to pay $100, but theyā€™re insisting on $50.ā€ Itā€™s like giving me information without actually giving me anything. 

Hmmm

Something happened a few weeks ago. We were both complaining about Tinubu and being broke when a debit alert popped up on her phone. We were cuddled up, so I could see her phone clearly. Her account balance was ā‚¦560k. I was shocked.

For context, Lola has been robbed before, and she doesnā€™t like leaving ā€œseriousā€ money in her bank account. Sheā€™s told me before that she prefers to keep her money in a savings app and only uses a little at a time in her regular bank account. Also, sheā€™s pretty frugal, so she saves more than she spends. 

For Lola to have ā‚¦560k in her account, it means she considers it disposable. It also means she has far more than that saved up. Even me, I donā€™t have ā‚¦500k just sitting in my spending account on any random day.

Did you ask her about it?

I did, jokingly. I said, ā€œYou have over ā‚¦500k, and youā€™re still claiming youā€™re broke.ā€ Then she laughed it off with, ā€œDonā€™t you know women are always broke? We can have millions and still want other peopleā€™s money.ā€

I didnā€™t say anything else, but it rubbed me the wrong way. I think thatā€™s when her lack of financial transparency started to bother me. I didnā€™t give it much thought before, but itā€™s like my eyes opened. I was really planning to marry this babe, and I wasnā€™t sure what her thoughts were about money, especially as a couple. 

The whole thing struck me as Lola likely being someone who would want to keep her money to herself and expect you to handle every expense. Itā€™s a red flag, to be honest.

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So, you both didnā€™t have money conversations before getting engaged?

Now that I think about it, I wouldnā€™t call what we used to do conversations. It was just me gisting her about gigs I got, both of us complaining about the economy, and maybe some ranting about black tax expectations from our siblings.

But for us together, as a couple, we keep our finances separate. Since this incident happened a few weeks ago, Iā€™ve been deliberately getting us to talk about what our financial dynamic would be in marriage. So far, weā€™ve sort of agreed that weā€™ll run a ā€œthe man pays the bills, and the wife supports sometimesā€ system. 

However, Iā€™m not sure if that counts as progress because Lolaā€™s still not transparent about her finances. I recently brought it up, but she doesnā€™t seem very open. She sees it as me wanting her to tell me every kobo she makes, and she considers that controlling. I think we still have a way to go to be on the same page, but I think weā€™ll get there. At least, I hope so. 

What if you donā€™t?

Ah. I donā€™t want to think about that. It wonā€™t be good, and I canā€™t imagine having to rethink our marriage plans. Because I donā€™t think itā€™d be wise to start a marriage with a ā€œwhatā€™s mine is mine, donā€™t ask meā€ mentality.

Speaking of, whatā€™s the plan to fund the wedding?

I have a wedding fund which Iā€™ve been topping up with at least ā‚¦30k every month for about three years. Itā€™s currently close to ā‚¦2m. Thatā€™s not enough for a wedding, but Iā€™m sure my parents and elder siblings will step in when itā€™s time.

Do you have another safety net besides this wedding fund?

Oh yes. I save ā‚¦50k – ā‚¦100k monthly in an investment app. I currently have ā‚¦1.6m there.

What does your spending on relationship stuff like dates and gifts look like?

Thereā€™s no strict budget to it. Whenever we can, we like to go on dates and visit new recreation spots in Lagos. I typically budget ā‚¦80k – ā‚¦120k for those dates. Sometimes, itā€™s more, but itā€™s not all the time. Also, itā€™s typically just once a month. 

Gifts are usually for special occasions like birthdays and our anniversary. For her birthday, I gave her ā‚¦500k to swap her phone because the one she was using had packed up. For my birthday, she got me a two-piece set and a pair of footwear.

Whatā€™s the ideal financial future you want for yourself and your partner?

One where we can afford international trips at least once a year without having to think too much about it. Iā€™ve been dreaming of having our honeymoon on some Island somewhere, but I canā€™t afford that. Unless maybe a miracle happens before 2027.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: He Hands Over All His Money to Me. People Donā€™t Like That

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Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?ĢżIf yes,Ģż.

How long have you been with your partner?

My husband, Timi, and I have been married for two years. We dated for 9 months before marriage.

How did you meet each other?

We were both members of a Facebook group. Timi was quite popular there. I recall often seeing his posts. Me, I was just a regular commenter, so I was quite surprised when Timi sent me a friend request one random day. I accepted, and we started chatting almost immediately.

Apparently, heā€™d been reading my comments and liked my opinions. We had similar values and sense of humour, so our conversations flowed naturally. 

We would talk for hours about anything from politics to conspiracy theories. It took him two weeks to ask me to be his girlfriend.

Even before he asked me to be his girlfriend, I knew he would be my husband. We clicked too well. 

Love it for you both. What was your and Timiā€™s financial situation like?

I was newly unemployed, having just left a toxic job as a lab technician at a hospital. It was even unemployment that pushed me to become an active commenter on the Facebook group. Iā€™d been job-hunting for three months without any luck.

Timi, on the other hand, had a business centre near the state university (we were both in Osogbo at the time), where he made money from student projects, printing and the like. About a month into our relationship, Timi did something very unusual. 

He opened a new bank account, put the bank app on my phone so he wouldnā€™t have access to it, then started sending everything he made there. Then, every week, he sent me his expense list, and I handled it. 

For instance, if he wanted to send ā‚¦30k to his brother or needed to buy ā‚¦10k fuel, I sent it from the account. I became his unofficial accountant.

Do you know why he did that?

Timi isnā€™t very good with money. In fact, it was one of the things we talked about before we started dating. Heā€™s bad at tracking his finances and saying ā€œnoā€ when people ask him for money. 

We agreed I was more financially responsible, so heā€™d run every financial decision by me before making it. I didnā€™t expect that heā€™d literally put all his money in my hands one month into our relationship. 

That was another thing that really cemented my conviction that he was my husband. No man would do something like that except he was 100% sure of his future with the person. He was all in, and so was I.

We are married now, and we still run the same arrangement with our finances. Funny enough, the money thing isnā€™t even the craziest thing Timi has done in our relationship. 

Something else beats that?

Oh yes. My dad died in 2023, while Timi and I were planning for our wedding, and it affected me so much. I was mourning my dad and dealing with bad dreams, fearing that my aged mother would also die soon. 

I shared my fears with Timi, saying how I wished I lived close to my mum in Akure so I could spend more time with her before she passed away. This husband of mine immediately said, ā€œWe can move to Akure.ā€ I thought he was joking. He wasnā€™t.

We were planning our wedding and moving to another city at the same time. I canā€™t even say for sure how we raised money to make it happen. I had a job at that time, but my ā‚¦70k/month salary was hardly enough for anything. 

Our saving grace was that we were moving to my late dadā€™s house ā€” Iā€™m the only child, so itā€™s practically mine ā€” and didnā€™t need to worry about renting an apartment. Also, Timiā€™s friends and family really showed up for us. We were just getting financial help all around. Another relative helped us secure a space close to a school area, so Timi could relocate his business, in addition to the one in Osogbo (a colleague manages it for him). God has just been really good to us. I canā€™t deny how lucky weā€™ve been.

You mentioned you both maintained the same financial dynamic in your home. How does that work these days?

Itā€™s pretty straightforward. I divide my salary into two and keep half in a savings account. Then I add the remaining half to whatever Timi sends to the account that I have access to. When he needs money, he tells me, and I send it. 

When I make purchases, I tell him. I always try to tell him before spending money, but he really doesnā€™t care. He trusts my judgement and always says he knows I canā€™t spend money anyhow without a good reason. Thatā€™s the truth, but I carry him along all the same. 

I know our dynamic isnā€™t common, and most people wonā€™t understand it. One mistake we made when we first got married was letting people know how we ran our finances. Itā€™s not like we were announcing it, sha. It just happened. For instance, if my husband needed to pay for something or send money to anyone, heā€™d go, ā€œIā€™ll tell my wife to send it.ā€ 

When people noticed the pattern and asked him or me questions, weā€™d innocently joke that I was the accountant who handled every expense. Before long, people started telling my husband things like, ā€œYou donā€™t do things that way,ā€ and ā€œWhy will you let your wife know the exact amount of money you have?ā€ Someone even said, ā€œAs a man, you mean you donā€™t have anything? Your wife has cooked efo (cast a spell) on your head.ā€

Wahala

Thankfully, Timi is not the type of man who cares what anyone else thinks. Itā€™s that thing thatā€™s unconventional gan gan he always wants to do. We sha stopped telling people. 

Some family members and close friends know about it, but they still donā€™t understand. Weā€™ve both stopped explaining. Weā€™re sure everyone talks behind our backs, but theyā€™ll be fine. Itā€™s our marriage, after all.

Thatā€™s right. How do you both budget for relationship expenses, like dates and gifts?

We used to go to eateries at least twice a month when we were dating and in our first year of marriage. I handled the payment (from his account) when this happened.

However, the dates havenā€™t been regular because business hasnā€™t been so great lately, and everything is now expensive. Weā€™re looking to start another business, which is why Iā€™ve been saving ā‚¦50k (half my salary) every month. The remaining ā‚¦50k barely covers food. So right now, weā€™re just managing that and whatever Timi makes from the business centre.

What does this safety net look like now?

Weā€™ve saved ā‚¦350k. The plan is to hit ā‚¦500k in the next three months and start something else. 

Whatā€™s your ideal financial future as a couple?

Weā€™re currently trusting God for a child. I want it to happen soon, but Iā€™m also hoping we can be a bit more financially stable before then. So, an ideal future would be us with our kids and thriving businesses.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ:ĢżI Feel Disrespected Because I Donā€™t Contribute Financially

The Naira Life Conference is returning in June 2026!ĢżExpect honest conversations and insightful sessionsĢżon building wealth, scaling businesses, as well as practical strategies to manage your money.Ģżto be the first to know when tickets start selling.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?ĢżIf yes,Ģż.

How long have you been with your partner?

My husband, Charles, and I have been married for 11 years. 

How did you both meet?

We met two weeks before our wedding. It was like an arranged marriage, but I wasnā€™t forced to marry him. Charles was planning to relocate, and his family wanted him to marry a Nigerian wife before leaving. 

Charlesā€™ parents were mainly responsible for finding his wife. Our families are from the same village, so their search led them to my parents. At that point, I was in the final year of my nursing programme. My parents encouraged me to consider him because he was from a good family. When I told my friends, they said it was a good idea. Iā€™d get to relocate, and since nursing was lucrative abroad, Iā€™d make money too. So, I said yes.

So, you agreed to marry him before you both met in person?

Yes. But we chatted on Facebook, and we both knew what the other person looked like. It was just like how people do boyfriend/girlfriend these days. We just knew our ā€œgetting to know each otherā€ phase had the end goal of marriage. 

Also, it was pretty short. We started chatting about a week before we finally met in person. Then we got married two weeks later. By the time we started talking, our families were already into wedding planning. 

Interesting. Iā€™m really curious about the kind of things you discuss with a stranger youā€™re marrying in three weeks

We talked about work, or in my case, school. Charles worked as an engineer in the manufacturing industry and, with the help of a relative, had gotten a similar blue-collar industrial job abroad. 

One of the major things we talked about was how weā€™d live after marriage. He made me believe that heā€™d travel abroad first to settle and get his papers, and then bring me over within two or three years. By then, Iā€™d be completely done with school and would have researched ā€” or even attained ā€” all the certifications I needed to practice nursing abroad. That way, I could get a job immediately upon arrival.

What we didnā€™t discuss was the possibility that things might not go to plan. 

Iā€™m guessing that means things didnā€™t go to plan

They didnā€™t. First of all, I got pregnant immediately after our wedding in 2015. Itā€™s funny because we spent only two nights together before he travelled.

I had to move in with my in-laws. Weā€™d discussed that part, though. Since I was supposed to travel soon, he said it made sense to save money by living with his family instead of renting an apartment. Staying with my in-laws as a pregnant woman wasnā€™t easy. I had to deal with pregnancy stress, the struggle of rounding up school, and on top of that, still do house chores. 

I couldnā€™t say because I was pregnant, Iā€™d leave my mother-in-law to do all the cooking. If I were at my parentsā€™, Iā€™d have been sleeping comfortably while my mum took care of me. But I didnā€™t have that freedom at my in-lawsā€™. They werenā€™t bad; they just had expectations of me, and it was too stressful. Imagine handwashing my parents-in-lawā€™s and brother-in-lawā€™s clothes while heavily pregnant.

Hmmm

Also, Charles wasnā€™t sending me money. Iā€™d assumed that heā€™d at least send me pocket money. He didnā€™t. Whenever I asked for money, heā€™d be like, ā€œWhat do you need money for? Arenā€™t you with my parents?ā€ 

When he eventually managed to send me something, heā€™d send it through my brother-in-law. So, I couldnā€™t regularly ask for money because I worried his family would start saying I was eating his money.

The only time I had some form of financial independence was between 2017 and 2019. I got a job at a hospital and was earning ā‚¦80k/month. I could save and get nice things for myself without too much explanation. That ended in 2019, after Charles returned to Nigeria permanently and told me to stop working.

Two questions: Why did he return, and why did he ask you to quit?

He ran into some issues with his papers and decided to leave before he was deported. You notice I didnā€™t mention joining him? Well, his papers werenā€™t complete, and he didnā€™t find a permanent solution before coming back. The plan was to try another country, but then COVID came and scattered his plans.

As to why he told me to quit, he suddenly started having issues with me being a nurse. He claimed that all nurses have affairs with doctors, and the only reason I didnā€™t want to quit was because of that. It became a family issue, and I had to leave the job for peace to reign.

Iā€™ve had two more kids since then. It became easier to embrace being a housewife instead of trying (and failing) to convince him to let me take another job.

How do you both handle your homeā€™s finances then?

My husband brings all the income. He has a regular job and also makes money on the side from construction sites, doing wiring and installations. I donā€™t know exactly how much he earns, but by the grace of God, weā€™re comfortable. We live in our own house and donā€™t struggle to feed.

However, Charles doesnā€™t involve me in any financial decisions. A year ago, I came home from the market to see people installing solar inverters in the house. Another time, he sold his car and bought another one without telling me. Things like that happen frequently, so I no longer ask why he doesnā€™t involve me. If I drag it, heā€™ll only say something like, ā€œIs it not my money?ā€

Omo

He doesnā€™t give me money either. He prefers to ask what I need and buy it himself. Iā€™m talking about things as small as pads and hair attachments. The only way I get small small money is by ā€œpaddingā€ the list of foodstuffs I give him. 

I only make money on things he canā€™t get from the supermarket. He doesnā€™t like going to local markets for foodstuffs like garri, meat, etc, so he gives me the money for that. 

I donā€™t know if Iā€™ll classify him as stingy, because itā€™s not really stinginess. He doesnā€™t complain about getting things for the house. What he doesnā€™t like is actually giving me money and allowing me to have a voice in financial decisions. I think itā€™s just disrespect. Since I donā€™t contribute financially to the home, he doesnā€™t value my opinion.

How do you feel about that?

It used to bother me, and Iā€™d cry and complain to him. I even reported him to my parents. Those ones didnā€™t see anything wrong with his actions because he was ā€œfulfilling his dutyā€ and providing for the home.

These days, I donā€™t really care anymore. I still often feel disrespected ā€” like I donā€™t matter ā€” but I try not to dwell on it. Instead, I let him do what he wants. Shebi I donā€™t have to worry about anything regarding money in the house? Itā€™s fine. Let him handle everything like Superman. On my own end, Iā€™m strategic about getting money from him as much as I can and saving it. If anything happens, at least I have an emergency fund. 

What does this emergency fund look like now?

Iā€™ve been building it since 2022, and I have close to ā‚¦5m now. I save using mutual funds, so itā€™s the interest on my savings that has pushed the money this high.

So, your husband handles all the expenses. Does he include relationship expenses, such as dates and gifts?

We donā€™t do dates. The highest we do is family outings for the kids. That happens at least once every two months. Then gifts are limited to birthdays. He just asks me what I want, and I tell him. I donā€™t buy him gifts because I donā€™t have money.

Whatā€™s your ideal financial future as a couple?

I want to open a business soon, but Iā€™m still thinking of a reasonable excuse to give him for how I raised capital. Maybe Iā€™ll say my elder brother loaned me money or something. 

For us as a couple, maybe having enough money to go on international holidays with the kids. Now that I think about it, I donā€™t even know if he can already afford that.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ:ĢżI Feel Forced Into Providing for My Wifeā€™s Child

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Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?ĢżIf yes,Ģż.

How long have you been with your partner?

I met my wife, Sola, through a family friend in 2022, and we got married a year later. October 2026 will make it our third year of marriage.

Tell me more about how you met

I had been single for about three years and was ready to try another relationship that would hopefully lead to marriage. But most of the ladies I met weren’t serious. Once I talked to them for a while and expressed interest, they would start asking me for money. I sell and repair ACs; I donā€™t have money like that.

I was tired of the constant billing, but I also wanted to find a good woman. So, I started to tell family and friends that I was looking for a wife. A close family friend connected me with Sola. At first, I didnā€™t consider her as an option, but she turned out to be an understanding and caring woman. 

Why didnā€™t you consider her?

She had a two-year-old daughter. Itā€™s not that I didnā€™t like her because she was a single mother; I just thought her child was young. I was worried that she was still involved with her childā€™s father or had to talk to him. I didnā€™t want to be with someone who had another man in her life.

However, my family friend assured me that the childā€™s father had abandoned them in Nigeria and married someone else in another country. That meant they wouldnā€™t be seeing each other physically, and he wouldnā€™t be calling her every time either. 

I started getting to know Sola better. We connected, and I liked her character. She didnā€™t bill me like other women. In fact, she cooked and served me the first day I went to her house. We werenā€™t even dating then. It showed me that she was really mature and wouldnā€™t need a man to give her money before showing him respect and care.

Interesting. What was Solaā€™s financial situation like when you got together?

She taught at a school ā€” she still does ā€” and also had a hairdressing salon in front of her family’s house. I donā€™t really know how much she was making, but she lived alone and was comfortable. It was the first time I dated a financially independent woman. She even helped me with small business loans a few times. I always paid her back, sha. 

She had to let go of her salon when we got married in 2023. Her familyā€™s house is quite far from where we live, so it doesnā€™t make sense to travel all that distance for a salon. We havenā€™t been able to raise money to get a better salon close to us, so sheā€™s been running home services after school and on the weekends. 

Also, my wifeā€™s child started living with us a year ago. Itā€™s not easy to manage her work at the school and two children (we had a baby in 2024). Now imagine adding the stress of a salon and apprentices. It was easier when the eldest child was with Solaā€™s parents. 

Do you mean your stepdaughter didnā€™t always live with you both?

No, she didnā€™t. She lived with her grandparents. Even when Sola and I were dating, the child didnā€™t live with her. I honestly thought weā€™d continue with that arrangement after marriage.

However, Solaā€™s mum had a stroke last year and couldnā€™t take care of the child anymore. I suggested sending her to stay with Solaā€™s sister, but Sola refused. It almost caused a big fight, but I had to let the issue go to let peace reign.

Why were you against the idea?

We never discussed the child living with us. It was like being forced into a financial responsibility I hadnā€™t prepared for. Imagine starting a marriage with children almost immediately. My expenses have doubled. I canā€™t drop money for food and say itā€™s only for one child na, abi? 

The child also recently started school, and Sola begged me to contribute to the school fees. That was an extra ā‚¦80k I hadnā€™t planned for. I canā€™t tell her to go and meet the childā€™s father because people will say, ā€œDidnā€™t you know she was a single mother before you married her?ā€ So, I have to accept that I’ll have to financially provide for the child one way or another, even if I donā€™t particularly like it. 

Itā€™s what Yorubas call “Abįŗ¹Ģlįŗ¹Ģjayan Ć”n”ā€” someone who engages in an unprofitable venture. No matter how much I spend on the child, sheā€™ll still wake up one day and go look for her real father.

Thatā€™s an interesting way to look at it. Does your wife know about your concerns?

I believe she knows the child isnā€™t my primary responsibility, so she doesnā€™t always come to me with her needs. Itā€™s just when she needs help that she outrightly asks. And of course, as a woman, she knows how to get money from me when she really needs it. For instance, I canā€™t just ignore her complaints about the child being sick. Iā€™ll have to step in if I have money.

How do you both run your homeā€™s finances?

We donā€™t really discuss it; we just know what the other has to do to contribute to the expenses. I pay ā‚¦450k in rent for our mini flat, pay for electricity, and drop ā‚¦10k every week for food. If the food money isnā€™t enough, she adds money. 

She also handles the childrenā€™s needs and small things around the house. Sometimes when Iā€™m broke, Sola loans me money, and I pay her back when I make money. We know how to manage ourselves.

Do you have a budget for relationship expenses, like dates and gifts?

No. We donā€™t spend money on unnecessary things. If she sees something she likes and needs, she tells me, and if I have money, Iā€™ll give it to her. If I donā€™t, we leave it. Iā€™m not a birthday person like that, so I donā€™t need gifts. If she wants to make me happy, she knows she just needs to cook my favourite meal and let me rest. 

Do you both have financial safety nets?

I put ā‚¦30k into a monthly ajo contribution, so I only need to add a little money to it and pay rent. Sola knows how to manage money, so whenever I have excess cash, I give it to her to keep for me. Most of the time, we still use whatever I keep with her to handle household needs or family emergencies. 

Whatā€™s your ideal financial future as a couple?

I hope to be a major electronics supplier in the future. At least, if I make enough money to do business, weā€™ll be able to live a better life and enjoy good things. Sola is also always talking about building her own school someday. So, thatā€™ll be good too.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?ĢżIf yes,Ģż.

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: Iā€™m a Heavy Saver, but Heā€™s an Impulse Spender

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?ĢżIf yes,Ģż.

How long have you been with your partner?

My boyfriend, Francis, and I started dating in July 2025, so thatā€™s about seven months.

How did you meet?

We met when I visited Lagos to attend an older friendā€™s wedding. The Sunday after the wedding, I attended the coupleā€™s thanksgiving at the groomā€™s church as well. 

Francis was one of the churchā€™s instrumentalists, and he approached me at the end of the service. He said he liked how well I danced and wanted to be my friend. I was reluctant because of what people typically say about church instrumentalists: how they share heartbreak everywhere. Still, I thought he looked good and decided to give him a chance for the plot. If it didnā€™t work out, I could say a fine boy broke my heart.

Iā€™m screaming. But he was just offering friendship, right?

Everybody knows ā€œI want to be your friendā€ is code for ā€œI like you, but I donā€™t want to say it yet.ā€ Especially when itā€™s coming from a guy.

I guess I canā€™t fault that. When did romance enter the picture?

Almost immediately. After exchanging numbers, we chatted on WhatsApp for a couple of days, and then he officially asked me to be his girlfriend. 

I almost didnā€™t accept because Iā€™d already returned home to Akure. He lived in Lagos, and Iā€™d never tried a long-distance relationship. It helped that he came to Akure to take me out on a date and make a physical version of the girlfriend proposal. I thought that was romantic. 

How have you both been navigating the distance? 

Francis doesnā€™t let me really feel the distance. He travels to see me here at least twice a month. I live with my sisterā€™s family, but whenever Francis visits, I tell her Iā€™m spending the night with a friend so I can stay with him ā€” he has a friend here who is kind enough to let us both sleep in his room. I have a feeling my sister knows I go to see my boyfriend, but thankfully, sheā€™s pretty cool and doesnā€™t give me wahala.

Besides visits, we also do a lot of calls and texts. Itā€™s just like a regular relationship; the only difference is all the planning that goes into seeing each other.

Who handles these travel expenses?

Francis does. One trip costs approximately ā‚¦20k to and fro, minus other small expenses like taking bikes and buses within Akure. Sometimes, when he comes around, we go to eateries or the cinema, and he pays for those dates too. However, we mostly stay indoors, and I handle the cooking. 

To be honest, Iā€™ve been trying to get him to cut down on the trips. I know he gets paid to play instruments at the church and also makes money from his freelance graphic design hustle, but I feel the regular trips are a waste of money. He spends at least ā‚¦60k every month on our relationship, and I donā€™t think he earns more than ā‚¦200k. I canā€™t imagine spending like that. 

I guess he disagrees with cutting down the trips?

Itā€™s funny. When I raise concerns about money and suggest that he travel only once per month, heā€™ll actually agree. Then, a few days later, Iā€™ll hear heā€™s on a bus heading to Akure. He can be quite impulsive like that.

On the one hand, I like seeing him regularly, but on the other hand, I canā€™t encourage him to come all the time because of the cost. Hopefully, we will find a solution to the distance soon. 

Iā€™m currently on the hunt for Lagos-based jobs so I can have a reason to move and be closer to him. My current job is with a Lagos-based company, but itā€™s remote. Also, I canā€™t live comfortably in Lagos on a ā‚¦150k salary. So, Iā€™m hoping to get something with better pay so I can afford rent.

Rooting for you. What kind of conversations do you and Francis have about money?

Recently, itā€™s mostly been me trying to educate him about the importance of saving and really thinking through financial decisions before making them. 

Heā€™s a very impulsive spender, and I only discovered that about four months ago. Someone at his church gave him ā‚¦500k, and that same day, he used it to trade his phone for an iPhone 14. When he told me what he had done, I was so confused. 

Before that money came, he had been complaining about electricity issues at his place, and I suggested he buy a mini power station for backup. How come the first thought that came to his mind after getting free money was a phone? When I told him that, he was like, ā€œOh, thatā€™s true. I completely forgot.ā€ 

This is just one example of his money habits, and itā€™s the one thing about him Iā€™m struggling to get used to because of how very different we are in that regard. Iā€™m a heavy saver. I only spend like 20% of my salary each month and save the rest on Piggyvest. My default setting is to save whatever money enters my hands. Itā€™s strange to be with someone whose default setting is to spend money. 

Do you think the difference in money habits could be a dealbreaker?

Itā€™s mostly just an annoying trait for now, not that itā€™s affecting our relationship itself. Itā€™s not really a big problem. I imagine weā€™ll need to address it properly as the years go by. But for now, Iā€™m just doing my best to caution him where necessary. 

You mentioned only spending 20% of your monthly income. Does that include a budget for relationship expenses?

I donā€™t spend a lot of money in our relationship. Like I mentioned, the most I do is cook for Francis a few times, and the highest I spend is ā‚¦10k. This is probably my own red flag, but I donā€™t like spending money. 

I like the idea of seeing money in my account, so I only touch my account when itā€™s absolutely necessary. Also, my salary is quite poor, so I believe it makes sense to limit my expenses as much as possible and build up a safety net while I look for better income options.

Francis is the giver in the relationship. Besides the trips and occasional dates, he sends me airtime and data sometimes, usually around ā‚¦5k. He also buys me small gifts when he visits, like earrings and perfume. 

What does your safety net look like?

I have ā‚¦2.2m in my savings. Iā€™ve been building this since 2022, so it should really be more than that. Iā€™ve had to dip into it a few times to handle emergencies.

Do you know if Francis has a safety net?

Iā€™m sure he doesnā€™t. Iā€™m still trying to get him to save sef.

Whatā€™s your ideal financial future as a couple?

Itā€™ll be nice to be able to afford a coupleā€™s vacation outside the country one day.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: I Never Should Have Agreed to a 50/50 Partnership