“Female friendship is the star of the show” 鈥擪emi* 29

Love Island has convinced me that female friendships matter more than romantic relationships. F*ck the boys.

The women have built a community. Even when Melanie and Aniya liked the same man, they still looked out for each other. During Casa Amor time, they actually got to know the new boys before deciding there was a connection. Meanwhile, the men were quick to flirt and trash-talk the women they’d left behind.

Watching the girls celebrate each other and show up for one another made me realise how much we centre romance, even though friendships are often the relationships that carry us through our hardest moments. 

“Leave when they disrespect you” 鈥擧adiza*, 26

Watching Melanie and Sincere reminded me why you should leave the first time someone disrespects you. They weren’t exclusive, so I don’t blame him for exploring other connections. The problem was the lies.

He told Melanie she was the only one while kissing other girls and making them the same promises. Every step of the way, he had the chance to be honest. Instead,  he kept everyone around by telling them what they wanted to hear.

Melanie kept giving him the benefit of the doubt. She even passed up another connection because she trusted him. By the time she found out the truth, she was physically shaking.

That’s why I don’t believe in waiting for someone to change. Every extra chance you give someone who’s already shown you who they are only makes the heartbreak worse.

“The producers have an agenda” 鈥擣atima*, 28

The producers care more about drama than helping people find love.

Take Melanie and Sincere. Sincere is responsible for his behaviour, but the producers kept throwing things at Melanie just to get a reaction out of her. It felt like they wanted her to crash out for a viral moment,  not because they wanted her to know the truth. 

The show is supposed to be about finding love, but healthy couples barely get any attention because they’re “boring”. Instead, the people causing the most chaos get rewarded.

“The men are red-pilled” 鈥擩essica*, 25

Nigerian men on X need to stop . Nobody is angry that he explored other connections. That’s the whole point of Love Island. People are upset because of how he treated the women he was coupled up with. He lied and disrespected them for no reason.

The most alarming part has been watching so many men excuse the guys’ behaviour. Zach and KC鈥檚 views on women sound exactly like the kind of red pill content that’s become popular in the US. I fear we’re slowly importing that mindset into Nigeria and treating manipulation like it鈥檚 just another dating strategy. 

“Corbin is racist” 鈥擩oshua* 31

I don’t think Corbin likes or supports Black women. The pattern is hard to ignore. 

Consider how he interacted with Aniya and Trinity compared to the other girls. He was eager to kiss Kayda and Melanie, but the only women he kept at arm鈥檚 length were the two Black women, despite seeming to have good connections with both of them.

To make things worse, his ex recently claimed on a live stream that he鈥檚 racist towards Black women. Watching him in the villa proves her point.

“Sincere isn’t boyfriend material” 鈥擜dam*, 26

The girls need to realise Sincere is perfect for a sneaky link, not a boyfriend. 

He’s anything but sincere. He鈥檚 a serial liar who tells every woman exactly what she wants to hear. Every time he messes around with someone new, he rewrites the story before taking it back to the girl he’s coupled up with.

When he kissed Sol, he told Melanie she’d initiated it, even though he leaned in first. Then he’d tell Sol he wanted to focus on her, only to turn around and tell Melanie he missed her and didn’t want things to end.

He doesn’t have a type. He just says whatever keeps his options open. The girls need to clock that and leave him alone.

“Women need to trust their intuition more” 鈥擯rincess* 24

Women need to trust their intuition more. Aniya always seemed unsure about KC. You could tell she never fully relaxed around him, but she convinced herself to give him a chance because everyone else thought they were a good match.

Then the new bombshell arrived, and her body language changed immediately. She was happier and more affectionate without forcing it. KC couldn’t understand why she’d never been that way with him, but it鈥檚 clear she never felt safe with him. 

Too many women ignore their instincts because they don’t want to seem difficult or picky. But body language rarely lies.

“KC shouldn’t be on the show” 鈥擮sas*, 23

KC should’ve been dumped the moment nobody stepped to his door. That moment influenced his entire game. He expected someone to choose him. When nobody did, he settled with Aniya because it guaranteed him a place in the villa.

He fooled me with the nice guy act.  That鈥檚 why the KC we met in the first week is nothing like the KC we’re seeing now. He鈥檚 a scammer and should be voted out as soon as possible.

“Titi is a snake” 鈥擟hioma* 27

Titi isn’t a girl’s girl. She’s playing the long game in the villa.

She knows she needs the girls on her side, but she also can’t afford to lose KC. So she’s constantly walking the line,  defending the girls just enough to protect her image while making sure KC never takes the full heat.

I don’t think she’s clueless at all. I think she’s one of the most strategic people this season. I hope everyone catches unto her soon. 

Read Next: Married Nigerians on Staying After Their Partner Cheated

From partners who confessed their own infidelity to those who endured the painful process of uncovering a spouse’s betrayal, these stories reveal the grief, bargaining and difficult conversations that determine what comes after an affair.

鈥淲e both cheated and forgave each other鈥� 鈥� Jemimah*, 36

My husband moved to Germany in 2019 while I remained in Nigeria. The distance was tough, but I stayed faithful and counted down the days until we could finally be together again. When I visited him in 2021, I found messages that revealed he鈥檇 been involved with another woman.

I was devastated. He apologised and insisted it had ended long before, but I was hurt. After I returned to Nigeria, I started an affair with a colleague who鈥檇 been flirting with me for months. I thought it would even the score or make me feel better. Instead, I felt guilty and ashamed.

I joined my husband in Germany in 2024, and we鈥檝e spent the last year rebuilding our marriage. The trust didn鈥檛 return overnight, but we鈥檙e still together and slowly finding our way back to each other.

鈥淢y trust hasn鈥檛 returned鈥� 鈥� Charles*, 45

My wife and I belonged to the same friendship circle before we got married. There had always been chemistry between her and another friend, but he moved abroad and life went on. We got married, built a life together and I never had any reason to doubt her.

Years later, a mutual friend told me my wife had admitted to kissing him after we鈥檇 married. When I confronted her, she admitted.

I chose to forgive her, but I couldn鈥檛 stop asking myself difficult questions. Had she settled for me because he wasn鈥檛 around? Four years later, we鈥檙e still together, but I still don鈥檛 trust her the way I used to. Whenever she鈥檚 away, I worry more than I should.

鈥淚 stopped expecting my husband to be faithful鈥� 鈥� Bola*, 42

My husband has cheated on me multiple times throughout our marriage. Whenever I confronted him, he鈥檇 either deny it or turn the conversation into a lecture about respect.

For years, I hoped he鈥檇 change. Eventually, I realised fighting the same battle over and over only drained me. It never changed him. These days, I focus on my children and my peace. Whenever we鈥檙e intimate, we use protection because I refuse to put my health at risk.

People might not understand why I stayed, but marriage isn鈥檛 that simple. I鈥檓 not willing to walk away from everything we鈥檝e built because of his behaviour.

鈥淥ur children discovered my wife鈥檚 affair鈥� 鈥� Aminu*, 45

One day, our children showed me messages they鈥檇 found on my wife鈥檚 phone. As I read them, I realised she鈥檇 been exchanging explicit messages with another man. I later discovered money was involved, which she claims drew her into the relationship.

The affair hurt, but knowing our children uncovered her infidelity hurt even more. They should never have been exposed to something like that.

Our families eventually stepped in, and she cut off contact with the man. Since then, we鈥檝e tried to rebuild our marriage. What I still struggle with is her attitude. I don鈥檛 think she truly understands the pain, embarrassment and humiliation the affair caused, especially for our children.

鈥淗e found someone else to act out his fantasies鈥� 鈥� Charity*, 38

I didn鈥檛 realise my husband was addicted to pornography until it started affecting our marriage. What began as requests to experiment in the bedroom gradually escalated into fantasies involving peeing, choking and other things I wasn鈥檛 comfortable with.

My breaking point came when he wanted us to try anal sex. I told him that if those experiences mattered that much, he鈥檇 have to find someone else because I wasn鈥檛 willing to compromise my health.

To my shock, he did. His confession hurt, but it also forced us into honest conversations we鈥檇 avoided for years. We鈥檝e accepted that we have very different expectations around sex and our marriage has become more peaceful since we stopped trying to change each other.

鈥淢y husband鈥檚 confession changed how I saw our marriage鈥� 鈥� Mary*, 47

In 2017, my husband became deeply religious and decided to come clean about his past. During one of those conversations, he confessed that he鈥檇 cheated on me with two women I knew.

I was blindsided. We鈥檇 been married for years and I鈥檇 never suspected a thing. The betrayal was painful enough, but what hurt most was realising something so significant had happened under my nose.

He confessed because he wanted to move forward with a clear conscience, and I chose to stay.

Years later, the memory still returns when I least expect it. Sometimes I still wonder how someone I trusted so completely managed to keep a secret that big for so long.

鈥淎 joke ruined my trust鈥� 鈥� Nonso*, 38

My wife and I have struggled to conceive since we got married, and the emotional toll has been enormous for both of us. During one conversation, she joked that she鈥檇 soon try having a child with someone else.

She laughed it off, but I couldn鈥檛. I kept replaying those words and wondering whether she鈥檇 considered it. For the first time, I questioned both her commitment to our marriage and my adequacy as a husband.

We鈥檝e talked about it since, and she insists it was only a joke. But I haven鈥檛 been able to let it go. Even though I have no reason to believe she鈥檚 been unfaithful, I catch myself watching her differently.

鈥淗e keeps his other family away鈥� 鈥� Kayinsola*, 48

Before I married my husband, I made one thing clear: I never wanted a polygamous marriage. He grew up around polygamy but promised it would never happen to us. 

12 years later, someone called to tell me he鈥檇 impregnated another woman and planned to marry her. He broke a promise he鈥檇 made to me. I stopped speaking to him for a while because I couldn鈥檛 understand how the man I trusted could make a decision that would change our family forever.

Still, he went ahead with the marriage. Accepting that he has a second family is one of the hardest things I鈥檝e done. We鈥檙e still together because he respects the boundaries I set. He keeps his other family completely separate from ours. Since they got married in 2022, I鈥檝e only seen them once.

鈥淚鈥檓 still in the marriage for my own reasons鈥� 鈥� Joan*, 43

My husband cheated on me before we got married. I knew, but he convinced me it meant nothing emotionally. According to him, casual sex didn鈥檛 count as cheating, and I was young enough to believe him.

Marriage didn鈥檛 change anything. The affairs continued, usually during work trips or nights out with friends. Eventually, I grew numb. We鈥檙e still married, but infidelity changed how I see him. I slowly fell out of love, and these days, I鈥檓 only here because the marriage still benefits me.

鈥淢y wife鈥檚 affair came during our hardest season鈥� 鈥� Chibueze*, 48

My wife confessed to an affair in 2014. We were struggling financially, and I wasn鈥檛 handling it well. I shut down emotionally and pushed her away every time she tried to get close. She said she felt lonely and neglected, but that explanation didn鈥檛 make the betrayal hurt any less.

I was convinced the marriage was over. I only stayed because our children were still young. I told myself I鈥檇 leave once they were older. But I never did.

Life slowly improved. I became more financially stable, and we found our way back to each other. I still wish she鈥檇 chosen a different way to deal with our problems. But I鈥檝e also accepted that my emotional withdrawal created cracks in our marriage. Today, I no longer want a divorce.

鈥淚 found out about my husband鈥檚 second marriage from his cousin鈥� 鈥� Zainab*, 59

My husband always promised he鈥檇 never take another wife. Then, in 1998, one of his cousins told me he was preparing to marry a younger woman. I was blindsided. He鈥檇 been transferred to a state near his hometown, and, from everything I later learnt, his family pressured him into marrying again.

What hurt most was that no one told me until the wedding day. Still, I attended and shared souvenirs. I wanted him to know I was aware.

The look on his face told me he鈥檇 never imagined I鈥檇 show up. Afterwards, I refused to compete with his new wife and continued treating him with kindness. As the universe will have it, their marriage didn鈥檛 last. Within three years, it had fallen apart.

鈥淗is affair nearly ended our marriage鈥� 鈥� Prisca*, 43

One of my husband鈥檚 friends casually mentioned he had a girlfriend in the city where he worked.

At first, I thought it was a misunderstanding. Then I looked into it and found out it was true. Whenever he came home, I barely acknowledged him. We lived like strangers for months, and at one point, we were essentially separated.

But that wasn鈥檛 the end of our story. Eventually, time brought us back together. He moved back home full-time in 2024, and we had to face each other again. We started talking, listening to each other and were forced to deal with everything we鈥檇 avoided for years. Today, we鈥檙e in a much better place.

鈥淚 pretend we鈥檙e in an open marriage鈥� 鈥� Jacob*, 47

My wife has cheated on me more than once. Each time, she鈥檇 apologise, promise to change and eventually do it again. One day, I simply stopped fighting. I work away from home for long stretches, and I got tired of trying to change someone who didn鈥檛 want to change.

Eventually, the anger disappeared. So did the disappointment about what our union had come to. 

We鈥檝e stayed together because of our children and everything we鈥檝e built over the years. I鈥檝e accepted that pretending we鈥檙e in an open marriage works best for us. Now, when I鈥檓 away, I see other people too.

鈥淚 don鈥檛 want my children to experience divorce鈥� 鈥� Imole*, 41

My husband鈥檚 infidelity has hurt me more than I can put into words. Still, leaving has never been an option. I grew up as a child of divorce. After my parents separated, I lived with my father and a stepmother who didn鈥檛 treat me well.

I鈥檝e never forgotten what that felt like. That鈥檚 why I鈥檝e always wanted something different for my own children. Over the years, I鈥檝e stopped tying my peace to my husband鈥檚 choices.

Instead, I鈥檝e focused on raising my children and becoming financially independent. There鈥檚 comfort in knowing that if I ever decide to leave, I鈥檒l be able to stand on my own.

听*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you loved this, you won’t want to miss the next episode. The Parenting Shift explores how marriage changes once children enter the picture. Dropping July 10th.

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In this story, Oreoluwa opens up about the bond with his puppy and why he hopes more people will see pets as family, not just animals.

I got Duke in 2023, at one of the lowest points in my life. I’d just lost my uncle, who was a second father to me, and I wasn’t coping well. I’d always been 鈥渢oo busy鈥� whenever he asked me to visit. The day before I finally planned to see him, he died. 

I carried that guilt for months.  I became angry with the world,  withdrew  from everyone and distracted myself with working out, but nothing helped. If anything, I only became depressed. 

Growing up, my uncle always had dogs. They were a big part of our relationship. He bought me my first dog, and caring for animals became something we shared. After he passed, getting another dog felt like the closest thing to holding on to those memories.

That’s how I found Duke. A family in South Africa had just had a litter of puppies, and I adopted one. At first, I panicked. He’d just flown in and was throwing up. I remember thinking, What have I done? But I’d already committed, so there was no turning back.

Barely two days later, I hit another low. I filled Duke鈥檚 bowl with food, locked myself in my room, and decided I didn’t want to keep living. 

But Duke wouldn’t eat. Instead, he stayed outside my door, barking and scratching relentlessly until my neighbours came to check on us. Everything I’d planned fell apart.

When I finally opened the door, he climbed onto the bed and curled up beside me. It felt like he understood how I felt. That was the beginning of our bond.

Before Duke, physical touch wasn’t my thing. I hated hugs and rarely showed affection. But Duke would come looking for cuddles, and I quickly realised that being close to me made him happy. Without noticing it, I started changing too. 

The more I cared for him, the lighter I felt. Gradually, I found my way to happiness again.

Becoming a dog dad made me more patient. You can’t stay angry around a dog for long. He’ll just stare at you like he has no idea why you’re upset. Eventually, you soften.

When I started posting Duke online, Nigerians didn’t get it. People said I needed help because they couldn’t understand why a grown man would treat his dog like family.

Ironically, everything changed once our content started getting attention internatonally. Now, strangers stop me just to ask how Duke is doing. I’m glad we made more Nigerians see that pets deserve love, too.

But as Duke became more popular, I also realised I had to protect him. Some brands treat him like a prop and don’t care about his welfare during shoots. I’ve walked away from opportunities because of that. No amount of money is worth compromising his well-being. 

I even trust his instincts with people. Duke is one of the friendliest dogs you’ll ever meet, so if he doesn’t like someone, I pay attention. A friend used to frequent our place with toys and treats, but Duke refused to go near him. Later, I found out the person had been trying to scam me. 

I once liked someone who said she couldn’t date me because she didn’t want to compete with Duke for my attention. That made me realise that anyone I end up with has to understand that Duke isn鈥檛 just a pet. He鈥檚 family. 

Duke has also changed how I think about responsibility. In Nigeria, people get pets because they’re cute without understanding how demanding they are. They need proper food, healthcare, and attention. 

Pets aren’t accessories you pick up only when you’re in the mood. They depend on you, and loving them means showing up every single day. 

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Victor* (43) thought he鈥檇 found the woman he would spend the rest of his life with.听 Then a devastating accident changed everything. Years later, his second chance at love ended just as painfully.听

In this episode of On the Streets, he opens up about his dating history and why he鈥檚 made peace with walking through life alone.

What’s your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?

I’m separated from my wife, so I’m single. It isn鈥檛 the life I imagined, but I’ve made peace with it.

How did you get here? Walk me through your dating history

The first woman I truly loved was someone I met at university. I met Anita* during my third year in 2010. She was a first-year student who was always  around her cousin, one of my close friends.

I developed a crush on her almost immediately, but I didn’t confess my feelings until she got to her second year. We started dating in 2011.

I’ve never met anyone I was more compatible with. It was a beautiful relationship. We understood each other, had similar personalities and hardly fought.

About nine months into the relationship, we started talking seriously about marriage. We both wanted it, but the timing wasn’t right.

Her parents wanted her to finish university first. By the time she graduated in 2015, I’d started my master’s degree and couldn鈥檛 afford a wedding yet. The plan was to marry after I completed my programme.

Unfortunately, life had other plans.

What happened?

In September 2015, Anita was crossing an expressway when a driver going against the traffic hit her and sped off. I didn鈥檛 even know anything had happened until I called her that evening. Someone else answered her phone and told me she was unconscious in the hospital.

I’ll never forget walking into that ward and seeing her lying there with tubes and machines. After several scans, the doctors told us she’d suffered a severe spinal injury.

I’m so sorry. Did she recover?

She was unconscious for two days. When she finally woke up, she couldn’t move anything below her neck. She kept saying she couldn’t feel her body. We all broke down in tears.

After about five weeks in the hospital, the doctors said there wasn’t much more they could do. They hoped physiotherapy would help, but there were no guarantees.

How did the accident affect your relationship?

She became a different person. The cheerful woman I knew disappeared. She cried often and was angry most of the time.

Whenever I tried to encourage her, she’d say I  didn鈥檛 understand what she was going through. We started arguing, even while she was still in the hospital.

Eventually, her mum took her back to the east because they believed she’d receive better care there.

Right. Did long distance work?

We tried. At first, we spoke every day, then she started withdrawing.

Sometimes she’d deliberately ignore my calls or ask her mum to say she wasn’t in the mood to speak.

I visited her that December. I wanted to help with things, but she’d get angry whenever I tried. She pushed me away every chance she got. I’d planned to stay for a week, but I left after four days.

After that trip, I promised I’d visit again, but I kept putting it off. Seeing her in that condition was heartbreaking, and the hostility made the thought of visiting emotionally exhausting.

For more than a year, we stayed together, but the relationship was barely surviving. Some days she’d sound hopeful, and we’d have good conversations. Other days, she’d shut me out.

Then I finished my master’s in 2017, and we had to confront the future we鈥檇 spent years planning.

Was marriage still on the table?

Honestly, I wasn’t sure anymore. I still loved her, but I also felt overwhelmed. I think she sensed it.

One day, she brought up the conversation herself.

She asked if we should break up because she couldn’t see the point of marriage in her condition. We argued, then she asked me what plans I was making for our future.

When I couldn’t give her a concrete answer, she said she didn’t want someone marrying her out of pity. She wasn’t in the right headspace for marriage. Then she ended the relationship.

How did you take the breakup?

It hurt, especially because she didn’t even want us to stay friends or keep in touch.

But alongside the heartbreak, I also felt relief. And that鈥檚 the part I鈥檝e struggled to forgive myself for. I could’ve fought harder for the relationship. Instead, I chose the easier path.

Around the same time, the university offered me a lecturing position after my master’s, so I buried myself in work.

Did you ever fall in love again?

Not for years.  I avoided serious relationships because I convinced myself Anita was the one for me. I didn’t want to risk getting my heart broken again.

That was until I met Godiya* in 2021. I spotted her from behind while having lunch at a canteen because I thought she was someone I knew. When she turned around, I’d mistaken her for someone else.

I apologised, but we ended up talking. She was a master’s student in another faculty, and from that first conversation, I was drawn to how warm and charismatic she was. I initially intended to keep things casual, but before long, we started dating.

After she completed her programme, she relocated to Abuja. We continued long distance, and I proposed soon afterwards. 

We got married in 2022.

What was married life like?

It started well, but it didn’t take long before I noticed things I’d overlooked while we were dating.

Godiya always wanted things done her way. She was quite selfish, and I constantly found myself adjusting to keep the peace.

We met while I was lecturing in Niger State, but after the wedding, she refused to move there. She wanted me to transfer to Abuja instead. I agreed to relocate eventually, but every transfer opportunity fell through.

It became such an issue that both our families got involved. Eventually, they persuaded her to move to Niger.

Did things improve after that?

Not really. She never made any effort to settle in Niger. She didn’t look for a job, so everything fell on me.

I even set up a business for her so she’d have something productive to do. She sold the first batch of stock, spent the money on other things and never continued the business.

I became increasingly frustrated. Some days, I’d stay late at the office because I’d rather be at work than go home. 

Less than a year into our marriage, she got pregnant.

Did that help your relationship?

I hoped it would. I thought becoming parents would bring us closer.

Instead, things got worse. She became even more irritable, and after our daughter was born, the tension only grew. Sometimes she’d speak to me with so much hostility that I’d wonder what I’d done to deserve so much resentment.

Eventually, she told me she’d found a job in Abuja and wanted to move back. I was reluctant to let her leave because of our daughter, but I convinced myself the distance might help us. So I agreed.

Did it help?

The distance finished what was left of our marriage. She rarely visited and always had reasons why I couldn’t come to Abuja. Even when I managed to visit, she’d ask how long I planned to stay. I barely got to spend time with my daughter.

At some point, it stopped feeling like a marriage. We’ve practically been separated since 2024, so I wasn’t surprised when she asked for a divorce last year. The process is still ongoing, but emotionally, I’ve accepted that the marriage is over.

I also heard rumours that Godiya was in a serious relationship with another man. I’ve always suspected she’d been involved with him before our marriage ended, although she never felt she owed me an explanation.

Have you been able to move on?

In a way. Earlier this year, I started seeing a colleague. Once she started talking about marriage and our future together, I realised I wasn’t ready for that.

After everything I’d been through, I can’t imagine getting married again.

How have these experiences shaped the way you see love and relationships?

Marriage doesn’t fix incompatibility. If two people aren’t truly aligned, getting married won’t change that.

I’ve also learnt that you can do everything possible to make someone happy, compromise your own needs and keep trying. But if their mind is off, nothing you do will ever be enough.

Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate them on a scale of 1 to 10.

8/10. Ironically, this has been the most peaceful period of my adult life.

My career is thriving. I’ve earned my doctorate, and my next goal is to become a professor before I turn 50.听 That’s where all my energy is going now.

The only thing that still hurts is being away from my daughter. Once everything is finalised, I hope to get her back. I want her to know that her father has never stopped caring about her.

Read Next: Married Nigerians Get Honest About Their First Years Together

From newlyweds still riding the honeymoon high to couples who struggled to adjust after saying 鈥淚 do,鈥� these stories reveal the compromises, surprises and hard lessons that shape married life. 

鈥淢arriage opened doors I never expected鈥� 鈥� Ibrahim*, 30

Money was one of the reasons I hesitated to get married. I loved my wife, but I didn’t feel financially ready. I worried that marriage would add more pressure to an already uncertain situation.

But from the beginning, my wife’s family treated me like one of their own. Her brother, especially, played a huge role in our lives. He supported us when we were starting out and eventually connected me to the opportunity that led to my current job.

People talk about the financial responsibilities that come with marriage, but I never expected it could also open doors. 

鈥淩elocating abroad pushed us apart鈥� 鈥� Uzo,* 31

A few months after we got married in 2024, my wife and I relocated to Canada. Before then, I imagined marriage would automatically mean more time together and a better sex life. Instead, the opposite happened.

We worked different shifts, so by the time I got home, she was leaving for work. When she returned, I was already gone. We were both trying to stay afloat financially in a new country, and our lives revolved around work.

The hardest lesson was realising that love alone wasn鈥檛 enough. Marriage still required effort and intention.

Things only improved after our first year, when we became more financially stable and deliberately started prioritising each other.

鈥淛oining our accounts was a big mistake鈥� 鈥� Janet*, 29

After our wedding in 2023, my husband suggested we operate a completely joint account. I didn鈥檛 mind sharing responsibilities, but we had very different attitudes towards money. I like saving and planning ahead. He likes spending.

The disagreements started when he expected complete transparency about my savings, even though he wasn鈥檛 contributing nearly as much to the account himself. My breaking point came when he used a large portion of our savings to buy a car we鈥檇 never discussed.

I was furious. Eventually, I ended the arrangement altogether. But that experience shaped finances in our marriage going forward. Now, we split household responsibilities and manage our finances separately.

鈥淚 gained an entire family鈥� 鈥� Ada*, 31

One of my biggest fears about marriage was having in-laws. I鈥檇 heard enough horror stories to convince myself there would be tension after the wedding. My husband comes from a very close-knit family, and because they all live near one another, I worried I鈥檇 constantly feel overwhelmed or scrutinised.

Instead, they welcomed me with open arms. At first, I assumed they were only making an effort because we were dating and they wanted the relationship to work. But years later, they鈥檙e still just as kind, supportive and involved in my life.

Nobody told me one of the best parts of marriage could be gaining a community of people who care about you.

鈥淚 struggled to accept I was his second choice鈥� 鈥� Biola*, 68

Before I married my husband in 1978, he had been courting my sister. They planned to marry, but while he was away at school, she moved on and married someone else. My father then encouraged him to consider me.

Even after our wedding, I couldn鈥檛 shake the insecurity. I constantly compared myself to my sister and struggled to settle into the marriage as a result.

But over the years, we鈥檝e built a beautiful life together. Gradually, I had to stop seeing him as the man who once loved my sister and started seeing him as my husband. Looking back, I鈥檓 grateful I didn鈥檛 allow those fears to define our marriage.

鈥淔inancial decisions were no longer mine alone鈥� 鈥� Seun*, 37

I鈥檝e always been close to my family and regularly supported my siblings financially. When I got married in 2019, my wife wasn鈥檛 comfortable with how much money I sent home, and we often argued about it.

At the time, I felt frustrated. It was my money, and I believed I should be able to help my family however I wanted. Eventually, I realised she wasn鈥檛 trying to stop me from supporting them. She was asking me to think about our future as a family unit.

It took many difficult conversations to find balance. I still support my family, but marriage requires far more compromise than I expected.

鈥淎djusting together was hard鈥� 鈥� Adam*, 29

Before I married my wife, we鈥檇 spent time together, but never long enough to see each other鈥檚 everyday habits. Then suddenly, we were sharing a home full-time.

She constantly complained about things that seemed insignificant to me, like how I cleaned my sponge or organised my side of the room.

At first, I felt she was being overly critical. Her tone irritated me, and I became defensive.

Over time, I had to accept the reality that marriage is largely about adjustment. We were two people raised differently. Our marriage has worked because I asked for her patience. I鈥檝e also made more effort with the things that matter to her.

鈥淲e weren鈥檛 prepared for long distance鈥� 鈥� Juwayriya*, 33

A few months after we got married in 2023, I got my first major job offer in another state. My husband and I assumed the distance would be temporary, but it has become one of the biggest challenges that鈥檚 shaped the start of our marriage.

We rarely see each other because I鈥檓 scared of road trips and can鈥檛 always afford flights. After the first year on the job, my husband asked me to move back because the arrangement clearly wasn鈥檛 working.

The distance has created tension, frustration and constant arguments. But I鈥檓 not ready to walk away from a job I worked so hard to get. Two years later, we鈥檙e still trying to find a balance.

鈥淚 struggled with losing my personal space鈥� 鈥� Success*, 37

I struggled with losing my personal space after marriage. I鈥檇 spent most of my adult life single and valued my independence.

My husband, on the other hand, wanted to do everything together. He was constantly affectionate and wanted to be involved in every part of my day. It got to the point where I could barely take a shower alone.

I knew it came from love, but I found it overwhelming. I also felt guilty because so many people would love a partner who was that attentive, while all I wanted was some space.

Eventually, I had to talk to him about it. He hated hearing it, but he鈥檚 made an effort to respect my boundaries. I鈥檓 also still learning how to share my space with someone else.

鈥淚 thought marriage would create boundaries with his friends鈥� 鈥� Aisha*, 28

One of the biggest surprises of getting married this year was realising my husband鈥檚 relationship with his friends wasn鈥檛 going to change.

I鈥檇 assumed marriage would naturally create more boundaries, but they鈥檙e always around. The issue isn鈥檛 just how often they visit. I struggle with some of their views and the way they talk about women.

My husband sees them as brothers and insists I鈥檒l eventually warm up to them. But that鈥檚 never going to happen.

鈥淚鈥檓 not comfortable with my wife鈥檚 job鈥� 鈥� Matthew*, 35

I鈥檓 a 35-year-old man married to a woman who works at a nightclub, and often gets home very late. When we were dating, I didn’t think it would be a problem. I knew what she did for a living and accepted it. But now that we’re married and live together, I’ve found it much harder to adjust than I expected.

There’s something different about waiting up for your spouse at odd hours and knowing you’ll go to bed alone most nights. It has made me realise that some things feel very different once you’re sharing a life with someone.

I’ve tried talking to her about finding ways to adjust her schedule, but she believes I knew exactly what I was signing up for, and she’s not wrong.

鈥淥ur marriage started with a family crisis鈥� 鈥� Ebuka*, 41

Shortly after our wedding in 2022, my wife鈥檚 family went through one crisis after another. Her father was involved in an accident, and not long after, her sister broke her leg and moved in with us for several months.

My wife was always caring for someone or dealing with an emergency.

I understood why she needed to be there for them, but it was hard. We never got the newlywed experience people talk about. We rarely had time alone, and the constant stress left her exhausted.

There were moments I felt frustrated, but I chose to support her through it. Looking back, I鈥檓 glad I did. 

鈥淚 wasn鈥檛 prepared for how strict my husband could be鈥� 鈥� Mairo*, 49

One of the biggest shocks in my marriage was discovering a side of my husband I鈥檇 never seen before.

I knew he was disciplined, but after we got married in 2009, I realised he had very rigid ideas about how a wife should behave. He expected me home at certain times and often got upset when I didn鈥檛 meet those expectations.

Early in our marriage, I attended a friend鈥檚 party that ended around 10 p.m. By the time I got home, it was close to 11 p.m. My husband refused to let me into the house.

I stood outside and called someone from church to speak to him before he finally opened the gate.

We clashed often over issues like that, but over time we learned each other’s limits and found healthier ways to resolve disagreements. There’s far less friction than there used to be, but he鈥檚 still a disciplinarian at heart.

鈥淭he honeymoon phase hasn鈥檛 ended鈥� 鈥� David,* 35

During wedding prep, people warned us that things would change. They said the excitement would fade, and that, eventually, we鈥檇 grow tired of each other. Two years later, I’m still waiting for that to happen.

Of course, life hasn鈥檛 been smooth. We have bills, responsibilities and far less free time than we did while dating. But my wife is still my favourite person to spend time with.

Maybe it helps that we spent so much time together before marriage. Whatever the reason, I haven鈥檛 experienced the boredom people insisted was inevitable. If anything, living together has made us closer.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you loved this, you won’t want to miss the next episode. After the Affair follows couples who survived infidelity and stayed together. Dropping July 3rd.

They share the moments they realised their relationships had become manipulative or abusive. 

鈥淗e couldn’t accept that I wanted to leave鈥� 鈥� Tina*, 37

In 2019, I started seeing a married man who was twice my age. By 2021, I鈥檇 had enough. I wanted to meet people who were closer to my age. He couldn’t understand why I’d want to leave. He felt it was perfectly fine for him to have a wife and family, but I wasn’t allowed to see anyone else.

He eventually agreed, but I made the mistake of telling him about my first date. He acted unbothered. Then visited my apartment and left with every key I  owned. I only realised when I was about to leave for my date. Since I couldn’t risk leaving my apartment unlocked, I missed the date. He ignored my calls and denied taking the keys, but I knew better.

When I finally ended the relationship, things got worse. He demanded I return everything he’d ever bought me and even sent his driver to collect the double-door fridge he’d gifted me. 

鈥淪he mocked me when I got her gifts鈥� 鈥� John*, 28

In 2024, I dated a woman who was six years older than me. I didn’t care about the age gap, but she clearly did.

She only introduced me as her cousin, never let me meet her friends and laughed when I officially asked her to be my girlfriend.

Whenever I told her it hurt, she’d guilt-trip me by bringing up her past relationships and why she wasn’t ready.

I kept trying to prove myself. I’d spend part of my NYSC allowance buying her thoughtful gifts, only for her to mock me and ask why I wasted my corper’s allowance.

I eventually realised she was ashamed of being with me. She wanted all the benefits of being with me, she just didn鈥檛 want anyone to know.

鈥淚 can鈥檛 speak when he鈥檚 speaking鈥� 鈥� Bukky*, 47

My husband is 13 years older than me. When we got married, I thought I鈥檇 struck gold with an established man while my mates were just starting their careers.

I now realise age was just a way for him to control me. He believes that being older automatically makes him right. Even though I earn my own money, I still drive the old Peugeot he gave me because buying myself a car would be seen as disrespect. Whenever I challenge him, my family tells me to let it go because he’s older.

What hurts the most is how he humiliates me in public. If I disagree with him or even contribute to a conversation, he鈥檒l put me down. I even left my church after he embarrassed me in front of our pastor for sharing my opinion. After all these years, I don鈥檛 think he sees me as an equal.

鈥淗is beliefs are too rigid鈥� 鈥� Yeesha*, 49

The biggest challenge in my age gap marriage is my husband’s rigid traditional beliefs. He refuses to eat refrigerated food and insists every meal must be cooked fresh. Even now, he believes akara should be ground on a stone.

For years, I’d rush home from work to cook from scratch just to keep him happy. Eventually, my daughters and I got tired. We started reheating refrigerated food and serving it to him. He never noticed.

He only found out after our new house help mentioned reheating his food. He stopped eating at home for a week and told my family members I’d disrespected his authority and was starving him. In the end, I apologised just to keep the peace.

Nothing has changed, though. I still refrigerate food without his knowledge, and I finally bought a food processor. At my age, I’m not pounding yams to prove I’m a good wife.

鈥淗e won鈥檛 let me outgrow my past鈥� 鈥� Chinyere*, 29

I married an older man I dated in university. Sometimes, I wish we鈥檇 left it there.  His manipulation became obvious after we had our daughter. One day, I posted a photo of her rocking a cute beach outfit on WhatsApp. He called me a reckless mother and said I was dressing her to turn out the way I did.

He’s never stopped judging me for my past. Because we met at a club, he still questions my character and says I’m not a trustworthy woman, even though I’ve changed completely since becoming a wife and mother.

Now, he barely lets me take our daughter out with my friends because he thinks they’ll influence her. What scares me most is how his actions will rub off on our daughter.

Read Next: 4 Generations, 1 Question: At What Point Should a Marriage End?听

But how much does a person鈥檚 generation influence their views on marriage? To find out, we asked six Nigerian women from different generations to debate this issue. Here鈥檚 their argument.

Charity*, 29 (Gen Z)

I’m getting married later this year, and I don’t believe in divorce. Our generation seems too comfortable with leaving. If you’re standing in front of people and promising to spend your life with someone, you should mean it. 

A lot of the problems that people divorce over could have been spotted before marriage. Sometimes it feels like people enter marriage already knowing they have an exit plan if things don’t work out.

If you’re getting married, it should be because you’ve decided you’ll do everything possible to make it work. 

Ife*, 51 (Gen X)

A few years ago, I would’ve agreed with Charity.

I used to think divorced people gave up too easily. My parents divorced in the 1980s, when it carried more stigma than it does today. For years, I blamed my mother for leaving.

That changed after my father died and I reconnected with her. She told me how he mistreated her and sometimes let us go hungry because he refused to give her money. She endured all that until he impregnated her closest friend. Hearing her side of the story changed how I think about divorce. 

I still believe marriage requires compromise, and I don’t support ending a marriage simply because you’ve fallen out of love. But if a relationship is destroying your mental or physical well-being, leaving is the right thing to do.

Lizzy*, 56 (Gen x)

I understand Ife鈥檚 point, but I still think people leave too quickly.

Personally, I’d consider separation but never divorce. And I鈥檒l only separate if it involves domestic or s*xual abuse. Beyond that, I believe marriage means committing to difficult seasons.

My husband struggled with gambling when we were younger, and he also cheated. Those things hurt deeply. There were times I felt angry and disappointed, but I refused to let his actions erase the family I鈥檇 built.

I’ve learnt that people change. If I’d left during those difficult years, I would’ve missed out on the relationship we have today.

Faiza*, 40 (Millennial)

The problem is that people are always trying to decide which offences are serious enough to justify divorce. 

I think the real question is whether the marriage is still working for the people in it. Everybody has different dealbreakers. One person might be able to cope with financial problems but draw the line at religious differences. Someone else might feel the exact opposite. That’s why I don’t think there’s a universal standard for leaving.

Kim Kardashian ended her marriage after 72 days, and everyone mocked her. But if she already knew it wasn’t working, why stay? She could’ve remained there for another 20 years and reached the same conclusion.

Of course, people should support each other through difficult periods. But there’s a difference between a temporary problem and a failed relationship. The decision to stay or leave belongs to the people in the marriage, not the public.

Amaka* 24 (Gen Z)

One of the biggest reasons people suffer in marriage is that we’ve convinced ourselves that selfishness is a bad thing.

Everybody talks about compromise, but if I’m married, I鈥檒l ask whether the relationship is making my life better. If the answer is no, why should I stay?

People romanticise suffering far too much. The moment a marriage faces serious problems, the expectation is that you stay and work through it together no matter what.

Maybe that’s the right choice in some situations. But would that person make the same sacrifices for me? Would they extend the same grace they’re asking from me?

At the end of the day, marriage is an agreement between two people. If that agreement stops working, I don’t think anyone should continue staying. 

Rahma* 17 (Late Gen Z)

Divorce should be celebrated more than marriage.

Maybe I’ll change my mind when I’m older, but that’s how I feel right now. A lot of it comes from watching my parents. They separated at one point, and her family was ready to support her, but she went back because she wanted to keep fighting for the marriage.

My dad was an alcoholic who never changed until he passed. Now, my mum talks about all the things she wishes she’d done differently. I believe everyone would鈥檝e been better off if they had divorced.

People always say staying is the brave thing to do. I don’t agree. It takes more courage to walk away, and we should encourage it.

Read Next: 5 Nigerian Women on Mistaking Obsession for Love

Maribel* (28) ended her eight-year relationship when she met George*. But after he moved abroad and convinced her that marrying another woman was a sacrifice for their future, their relationship unravelled. 

In this episode of On the Streets, she shares how that experience changed the way she thinks about love and relationships. 

What鈥檚 your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?

I鈥檓 single. After everything I went through and invested, I鈥檓 exhausted. Right now, I鈥檝e left my fate in God鈥檚 hands.

How did you get here? Walk me through your dating history.

My first serious relationship started in 2016. Charles* and I were classmates in SS2, and we stayed together through the rest of secondary school and university.

We also attended different universities but lived in the same area, so there were times when we’d go months without seeing each other. Despite that, the first five years were great. 

But by my final year, I鈥檇 grown tired of the relationship.

Why? What changed?

I think we got together before either of us had fully grown into ourselves. As we got older, we became very different people.

Charles was passionate about art, but he was also very laid-back. After graduation, he was still working at a friend’s shop and didn’t seem motivated to pursue the goals he always talked about.

I found myself constantly pushing and encouraging him. Eventually, it started feeling like I was nagging him.

That led to more arguments and fights. During these periods, he鈥檇 disappear for days without speaking to me.

By 2022, the relationship was already on its last leg. Around that time, I started texting a guy on Twitter. We never met in person. 

At first, I entertained him because I was bored, but over time, feelings got involved. About four months in, Charles saw our interactions.

Oh. How did he react?

He was heartbroken. Even though I knew our relationship was falling apart, I still felt guilty. I begged him to forgive me, and he did. 

I cut the other guy off, and we tried to keep things going for a few months. Then I met George*.

Tell me about George.

We met at church in April 2022. My friend was taking pictures of me when George walked over to start a conversation. He was handsome and very easy to talk to.

We exchanged numbers and went on a few dates. Six weeks later, he asked me to be his girlfriend.

 Technically, Charles was still in the picture, but we were barely hanging by a thread. Once George asked, I officially ended things with Charles.

He was upset. He called me names and blocked me. It wasn’t how I wanted things to end, but it had to happen.

Right. So how did things go with George?

At first, it felt like everything I鈥檇 been looking for. He ticked all my boxes and we aligned on so many things, especially marriage. 

I’ve always wanted to get married young, and George felt the same way.

When we met, he was already making plans to move to Switzerland. The plan was for him to go first, settle down and eventually bring me over so we could start our life together.

About eight months into the relationship, he got his visa and left Nigeria.

How did you adjust to the distance?

Honestly, it wasn’t difficult. After spending years in a long-distance relationship with Charles, I was already used to it.

We FaceTimed and texted throughout the day. He involved me in everything, and I even helped him sort out things he left behind in Nigeria.

For a while, we were solid. Then he started keeping things from me.

What kind of things?

He became secretive.

Our first major fight was about his flatmate. I鈥檇 always assumed the flatmate was a man, and whenever I asked about him, George never corrected me.

Three months after he relocated, we were on a video call when a woman walked past in the background. That was when he casually mentioned his flatmate was actually female.

When I confronted him, he insisted he never lied because I鈥檇 never specifically asked whether the flatmate was a man or a woman. Somehow, I ended up apologising.

Looking back, that should have been my warning sign because things got worse from there.

George returned to Nigeria for Christmas in 2023, and we had a really nice time together. Then, two days before he returned to Switzerland, he told me he wanted to marry his flatmate.

Wait, what?

That was my exact reaction.

He claimed it was purely for immigration purposes. His visa situation had become complicated, and marrying her would make it easier for him to stay in Switzerland permanently. He said it was a sacrifice for our future.

I was devastated. I left the hotel we were staying in and went straight to my friend’s place.

My friends immediately said something wasn’t right. They kept asking why the 鈥減aper marriage鈥� had to be with the woman he already lived with rather than with a neutral person.

George had an answer for everything. He said marrying a stranger would cost more money. He said it was temporary. He said it would eventually help me relocate, too. I was deeply in love, and I believed him.

So I forgave him and went back.

Why?

At that point, everybody in my life knew about him. I’d invested so much emotionally into the relationship that walking away felt impossible. So I had to stay.

In August 2024, he married her.

He sent me pictures from the wedding and I cried my eyes out.

I’m so sorry. Did the marriage change anything?

Over time, it did. He became less available. We went from speaking all day to talking every few days. Whenever I complained, he blamed work and said he was struggling to balance everything.

Meanwhile, my family kept asking questions. 

We’d been together for years and there was still no proposal or clear plan for our future. I couldn’t exactly tell them my boyfriend was already married to another woman.

Eventually, I told George that if he was serious about me, he needed to propose.

He kept making excuses. Work was demanding. He couldn鈥檛 travel. After months of waiting, I told him to send me the money and I’d organise it myself.

You planned your own proposal?

I did. Last October, I bought my own engagement ring, planned the decorations, and organised a surprise proposal at a hotel. I even invited my sister and friends and pretended George had arranged everything from Switzerland.

Thinking about it now, it sounds embarrassing. But at the time, I wanted people to take my relationship seriously.

Did the engagement improve things?

Not really. His behaviour remained inconsistent, but I kept convincing myself things would improve.

Then Valentine鈥檚 Day happened. He hadn鈥檛 posted me on social media in a long while, so I went snooping on his Instagram page. While scrolling through the comments on one of his posts, I noticed an unknown account leaving heart-eye emojis.

I clicked on the profile and realised it was his flatmate. I tried to snoop, but it was private. So I looked for her on other social media platforms. I eventually got lucky and found videos of George and his flatmate. They went on dates and kissed like a real couple. 

My heart was shattered.

What did you do?

I immediately messaged her and explained everything George had told me about their arrangement.

She sounded confused. She said they started dating shortly after moving in together. As far as she knew, the relationship was never fake.

The worst part was that she’d heard him talk about me before. She鈥檇 even greeted me on some of our calls. George had told her I was his cousin.

Wow

I sent her pictures of us together and showed her everything. She promised she’d confront him, but when I woke up the next morning, I was blocked.

Did you confront George?

Of course. When I sent him screenshots, he twisted everything. He said I was impatient and claimed the closeness between them was all part of the plan.

Whenever I pointed out holes in his story, he’d get angry and insist I didn鈥檛 trust him.

By then, I already knew something wasn鈥檛 adding up. So I reached out to his sister, whom I’d met briefly before.

She admitted she knew about the marriage but didn’t really understand his plans either. Then she casually mentioned that George had brought his 鈥渇latmate鈥� to Nigeria earlier that year and introduced her to family members.

I was shocked. As far as I knew, George hadn鈥檛 been in Nigeria since 2023. That was when everything clicked. The lies suddenly made sense.

When I called him for an explanation, he paid no mind to what I鈥檇 uncovered. Instead, he was angry that I’d involved his sister.

He ended the call and broke up with me over text. In his message, he said I was becoming obsessed with him and that he didn’t want to spend the rest of his life with someone like me.

Just like that, four years were gone.

I’m sorry. How did you cope with the breakup?

It felt like someone had ripped a part of my heart out.

For days, I kept hoping he’d apologise or tell me there鈥檇 been some misunderstanding. Eventually, I realised that wasn’t going to happen. 

That鈥檚 when I finally opened up to my friends. I’d been too ashamed to tell them the truth because I felt foolish. But instead of judging me, they rallied around me.

I honestly don’t know how I would’ve survived that period without them. I’m still not completely over it, but it gets a little easier every day.

So, how have these experiences shaped your idea of love and relationships?

I鈥檝e been wary of loving again.

But I’ve also learnt not to stay in situations that make you uncomfortable simply because you’re worried about what people will think.

Maybe I would’ve left George much earlier if I hadn’t been so focused on proving that my relationship would succeed.

Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10.

3/10. I don’t enjoy being single. I still feel hurt, and I question my worth on bad days. But I鈥檓 also stronger than I was a few months ago. 

Read Next: Sunken Ships: My Older Sister鈥檚 Boyfriend Is Ruining Our Relationship

鈥淢y dad鈥檚 previous families disappeared鈥� 鈥� Jemimah* 26 

My mum believes my father was a cultist who killed off his previous family. When they got married, she had no idea she was his fourth wife. By the time she found out, the three women before her were all dead under mysterious circumstances.

A room she wasn鈥檛 allowed to enter also fuelled her suspicions. Three years later, she fled the marriage along with my brother and me.

My father tried to find us, but he died from a gunshot incident before he could get to us. To this day, my mum believes his death was cult-related. 

鈥淢y grandmother loved another woman鈥� 鈥� Chinelo*, 39

One of the most fascinating stories in my family starts with my grandmother. Her mother couldn鈥檛 have children, so she followed an old custom that allowed a woman to marry another woman who would bear children on her behalf.

The woman eventually had five children, including my grandmother. Under the arrangement, she was regarded as my great-grandmother’s wife.  Years later, the man involved died, but the two women stayed together and raised the family.

My grandmother never said it outright, but it was widely believed their relationship went beyond a transactional agreement. The way she described them, they genuinely loved each other and lived as partners for the rest of their lives. 

鈥淢y aunt got away with murder鈥� 鈥� Zainab*, 29

My distant aunt got away with murder in the 90s. She lost her parents at a young age and moved in with an aunt, where she helped care for the home and children. My family claims her aunt’s husband sexually and physically abused her. Some relatives also suspected he abused his daughters.

She endured it for years until she snapped. One day, she picked up an iron pestle and struck him on the back of the head. The injury killed him.

The shocking part was how his wife covered for her. Other relatives also kept quiet, and the whole thing stayed within the family. She continued living with her aunt after his death and even adopted the man’s surname.  

鈥淢y grandfather was swapped at birth鈥� 鈥� Johnson*, 26

When my grandfather was 63, his mother called him to her bedside and confessed that he鈥檇 been swapped as a baby.

According to her, she鈥檇 already given birth to five girls, but the absence of a son could spell serious consequences. So she hatched a plan with a midwife. In those days, midwives secretly swapped babies between families.

After she welcomed another girl, the midwife secretly exchanged the baby for a boy from a family that already had sons. My grandfather spent over six decades believing he was her biological child. By the time she told him the truth, there was no way to verify it or find his supposed birth family. 

鈥淢y relatives kidnapped my father鈥� 鈥� Folarin*, 31

My father sold a family property and used the money to expand his car parts business.  Some relatives never forgave him, and the issue stayed unresolved for years. Then, in 2013, my father was kidnapped. His captors demanded 鈧�10 million for his release. While security agencies searched for him, we scrambled to raise the sum.

After he was rescued, one of the men involved was arrested and claimed my aunt and uncle had organised the kidnapping. They denied everything and still deny it today. 

鈥淣o firstborn son in my family has lived past his 20s鈥� 鈥� Loveth*, 25

There’s a belief in my family that firstborn sons don’t live long. From the stories I heard, my great-great-grandmother was a powerful witch who led a secret cult. Eventually, the community cursed and banished her.

Since then, no firstborn son in my family has lived past his 20s. For years, I dismissed the story as superstition. But in 2023, my cousin died unexpectedly at 27. Both of my uncles died young too, which only strengthened the belief.

I’m the firstborn in my family, but I’m a woman, so technically the curse doesn’t apply to me. Even so, it’s hard not to think about it. 

鈥淢y family stole me from my dad鈥� 鈥� Bello*, 42

I lost my mum at a young age and was raised by my father.  Everyone in the family claimed he was irresponsible, but he still wouldn鈥檛 let them take me off his hands.  When I was five, I visited my mum’s relatives. My father claims that when he came to pick me up, they told him I’d run away. He searched for me, but his efforts were futile. He had no idea that I鈥檇 been shipped to an aunt in Kano.

I grew up believing that aunt was my mother until I turned 20.  When I finally discovered him and contacted him, he told me what he believed had happened. But my relatives still deny everything.

My father still isn’t a responsible person. I would’ve had a much harder life if he had raised me.

鈥淢y grandmother secretly had two families鈥� 鈥� Destiny* 19

My grandmother had been married abroad with two children from her first husband. But after she was deported back to Nigeria, the marriage collapsed, and her husband cut her off.

She hid that chapter of her life and eventually remarried in Nigeria, where she had three more children with my grandfather. For almost a decade, my grandfather didn鈥檛 know the truth.

Everything unravelled when she tried reconnecting with her children overseas. The revelation shook the family, but my grandfather stayed. When I heard the story, all I could think about was how unfair it is that I ended up on the Nigerian side of the family.

鈥淢y older brother is my biological cousin鈥� 鈥� Mary*, 30

Before I was born, my uncle impregnated a woman and abandoned her. My dad stepped in and raised him as his own son.

For 19 years, no one knew the truth. Then one day, my brother and I overheard my parents discussing how my uncle wanted his son back. 

Even after they realised we knew the truth, my parents barely spoke about it. I once referred to him as my cousin in front of my mum, and she looked so hurt that I never brought it up again. Over the years, I’ve realised it doesn’t change anything. He’s still my brother.

鈥淲e don’t share my family鈥檚 original name鈥� 鈥� Peace*, 23

My family’s original surname was linked to the worship of a river goddess. But after converting to Christianity, my grandfather wanted nothing to do with it. Despite coming from a royal family, he abandoned the name and gave his kids a completely different surname.

His relatives saw it as a betrayal. They felt he had rejected his ancestors and heritage. The decision caused years of conflict and created a rift that still exists today. We’re the only branch of the family that doesn’t share the original surname.

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Tade* (43) never imagined she’d have to choose between her husband’s life and her friend’s trust. But when a medical crisis pushed her family to the brink, she was pushed into making a bad decision. 

This is Tade鈥檚 dilemma as shared with Mofiyin

I met Bola* in 2007 when we were roommates in KwaraPoly. We grew close, and she eventually introduced me to her cousin, Shola*, who later became my husband. Even after Bola relocated to the UK to work in healthcare and got married, we remained close.

By 2021, I’d moved to Lagos when Bola approached me with a business opportunity that felt like an answer to my prayers. She wanted to start a wholesale cold room business and asked me to manage it for her.

I didn’t have a stable job then, and my husband worked as a junior sales representative for a beverage company. So I accepted her offer.

Bola invested heavily in the business, and it took off. We agreed that I would handle the day-to-day operations and remit money to her weekly in exchange for 15% of the profits. At the time, that income was enough to sustain my family. 

Everything changed in November 2023 when doctors diagnosed Shola with kidney disease. 

At first, we managed the dialysis cost, which was about 鈧�55k a week. But as his condition worsened, he needed more sessions and eventually had to stop working altogether. 

Our bills quickly piled up. Between hospital expenses and school fees for our three children, we were barely staying afloat. 

I told Bola everything we were going through. She sympathised, but that was where her involvement ended. Eventually, I asked her to increase my share of the business profits. She said she was still recovering her investment and had financial obligations of her own. 

After a lot of pleading, she reluctantly agreed to increase my share by 5%. It barely made a difference. 

As Shola’s illness worsened, I also saw a different side of his family. Like Bola, most of them offered little practical support. They only prayed or offered encouragement. The pressure kept building. I was caring for a sick husband, raising three kids, and trying to keep our heads above water. Every week came with another bill or a reason to panic about Shola鈥檚 health.

That鈥檚 when I started taking small amounts from the business. I always told myself I鈥檇 replace the money later. In 2025, Shola developed an infection that affected his dialysis fistula. Doctors said he needed urgent treatment that would cost 鈧�3 million. 

I remember hearing that figure and feeling completely defeated. For weeks, I tried to raise the sum, but nothing worked.

One night, I woke up and heard my husband crying. Until then, he’d handled everything calmly, so hearing him break down shattered me. In that moment, I realised I couldn’t sit back and watch him die.

Without Bola’s knowledge, I sold one of the business’s industrial freezers for almost 鈧�5 million. This time around, I also convinced myself it was temporary, and I鈥檒l return every last kobo I owed.

Shola鈥檚 procedure was successful, and for a brief moment, I felt hopeful. But that relief didn’t last long. A few months later, doctors said Shola’s kidneys were deteriorating beyond what dialysis could manage. The only real option left was a kidney transplant that would cost more than 鈧�14.5 million. By January, we鈥檇 sold personal belongings and exhausted contributions from family and friends. Even after all that, we鈥檇 only raised about 鈧�6 million. My last hope was a bank loan a friend was helping me process.

I became convinced the loan would come through before the shop rent was due in April, so I made another terrible decision. 

I used money that had been set aside for the rent and sold some of the business’s stock to begin the transplant process. Just like before, I told myself I’d replace everything before anyone noticed.

But things didn’t go according to plan. In the last week of March, the bank rejected my loan application. I almost collapsed when I heard the news.

By then, I’d already used the money to begin the transplant process. And when I couldn’t pay the 鈧�4.8 million rent, we lost the business premises. 

I couldn鈥檛 bring myself to tell Bola. Instead, I quietly moved what remained of the business operations to my house and hoped I could somehow fix the mess before she found out. 

But Bola had become suspicious. Sales had dropped significantly, and the figures I remitted no longer reflected what the business used to generate. I suspect she sent someone to inspect the shop. Last month, she called me and lashed out after discovering the business was no longer operating there. 

By then, I was too exhausted to keep lying, so I confessed. She rained every insult imaginable on me and threatened to involve the police. 

The issue quickly spread through the family. Ironically, that was when people finally stepped in. They persuaded Bola not to pursue criminal charges, arguing that my husband was critically ill and that I was the only person in a position to repay the money.  

I’ve agreed to pay her back, but she’s already started making arrangements to recover whatever remains of the business. What makes this even worse is that she still doesn’t know I’ve sold two industrial freezers and some of the business’s stock. 

I know Bola’s anger is justified. She trusted me completely, and the business was never mine to sacrifice. But when I look back at everything that happened, I still don’t know what else I was supposed to do. I wasn’t spending the money on luxury or trying to enrich myself. I just wanted to save her cousin’s life. 

My husband is still waiting for his transplant and grows weaker by the day. 

We’re holding on to the hope that he’ll finally have the surgery before July. I’ve accepted that I may have lost Bola’s trust forever. But when I think about that night I heard my husband crying, I understand why I acted out of desperation. 

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