“Female friendship is the star of the show” 鈥擪emi* 29

Love Island has convinced me that female friendships matter more than romantic relationships. F*ck the boys.

The women have built a community. Even when Melanie and Aniya liked the same man, they still looked out for each other. During Casa Amor time, they actually got to know the new boys before deciding there was a connection. Meanwhile, the men were quick to flirt and trash-talk the women they’d left behind.

Watching the girls celebrate each other and show up for one another made me realise how much we centre romance, even though friendships are often the relationships that carry us through our hardest moments. 

“Leave when they disrespect you” 鈥擧adiza*, 26

Watching Melanie and Sincere reminded me why you should leave the first time someone disrespects you. They weren’t exclusive, so I don’t blame him for exploring other connections. The problem was the lies.

He told Melanie she was the only one while kissing other girls and making them the same promises. Every step of the way, he had the chance to be honest. Instead,  he kept everyone around by telling them what they wanted to hear.

Melanie kept giving him the benefit of the doubt. She even passed up another connection because she trusted him. By the time she found out the truth, she was physically shaking.

That’s why I don’t believe in waiting for someone to change. Every extra chance you give someone who’s already shown you who they are only makes the heartbreak worse.

“The producers have an agenda” 鈥擣atima*, 28

The producers care more about drama than helping people find love.

Take Melanie and Sincere. Sincere is responsible for his behaviour, but the producers kept throwing things at Melanie just to get a reaction out of her. It felt like they wanted her to crash out for a viral moment,  not because they wanted her to know the truth. 

The show is supposed to be about finding love, but healthy couples barely get any attention because they’re “boring”. Instead, the people causing the most chaos get rewarded.

“The men are red-pilled” 鈥擩essica*, 25

Nigerian men on X need to stop . Nobody is angry that he explored other connections. That’s the whole point of Love Island. People are upset because of how he treated the women he was coupled up with. He lied and disrespected them for no reason.

The most alarming part has been watching so many men excuse the guys’ behaviour. Zach and KC鈥檚 views on women sound exactly like the kind of red pill content that’s become popular in the US. I fear we’re slowly importing that mindset into Nigeria and treating manipulation like it鈥檚 just another dating strategy. 

“Corbin is racist” 鈥擩oshua* 31

I don’t think Corbin likes or supports Black women. The pattern is hard to ignore. 

Consider how he interacted with Aniya and Trinity compared to the other girls. He was eager to kiss Kayda and Melanie, but the only women he kept at arm鈥檚 length were the two Black women, despite seeming to have good connections with both of them.

To make things worse, his ex recently claimed on a live stream that he鈥檚 racist towards Black women. Watching him in the villa proves her point.

“Sincere isn’t boyfriend material” 鈥擜dam*, 26

The girls need to realise Sincere is perfect for a sneaky link, not a boyfriend. 

He’s anything but sincere. He鈥檚 a serial liar who tells every woman exactly what she wants to hear. Every time he messes around with someone new, he rewrites the story before taking it back to the girl he’s coupled up with.

When he kissed Sol, he told Melanie she’d initiated it, even though he leaned in first. Then he’d tell Sol he wanted to focus on her, only to turn around and tell Melanie he missed her and didn’t want things to end.

He doesn’t have a type. He just says whatever keeps his options open. The girls need to clock that and leave him alone.

“Women need to trust their intuition more” 鈥擯rincess* 24

Women need to trust their intuition more. Aniya always seemed unsure about KC. You could tell she never fully relaxed around him, but she convinced herself to give him a chance because everyone else thought they were a good match.

Then the new bombshell arrived, and her body language changed immediately. She was happier and more affectionate without forcing it. KC couldn’t understand why she’d never been that way with him, but it鈥檚 clear she never felt safe with him. 

Too many women ignore their instincts because they don’t want to seem difficult or picky. But body language rarely lies.

“KC shouldn’t be on the show” 鈥擮sas*, 23

KC should’ve been dumped the moment nobody stepped to his door. That moment influenced his entire game. He expected someone to choose him. When nobody did, he settled with Aniya because it guaranteed him a place in the villa.

He fooled me with the nice guy act.  That鈥檚 why the KC we met in the first week is nothing like the KC we’re seeing now. He鈥檚 a scammer and should be voted out as soon as possible.

“Titi is a snake” 鈥擟hioma* 27

Titi isn’t a girl’s girl. She’s playing the long game in the villa.

She knows she needs the girls on her side, but she also can’t afford to lose KC. So she’s constantly walking the line,  defending the girls just enough to protect her image while making sure KC never takes the full heat.

I don’t think she’s clueless at all. I think she’s one of the most strategic people this season. I hope everyone catches unto her soon. 

Read Next: Married Nigerians on Staying After Their Partner Cheated

From partners who confessed their own infidelity to those who endured the painful process of uncovering a spouse’s betrayal, these stories reveal the grief, bargaining and difficult conversations that determine what comes after an affair.

鈥淲e both cheated and forgave each other鈥� 鈥� Jemimah*, 36

My husband moved to Germany in 2019 while I remained in Nigeria. The distance was tough, but I stayed faithful and counted down the days until we could finally be together again. When I visited him in 2021, I found messages that revealed he鈥檇 been involved with another woman.

I was devastated. He apologised and insisted it had ended long before, but I was hurt. After I returned to Nigeria, I started an affair with a colleague who鈥檇 been flirting with me for months. I thought it would even the score or make me feel better. Instead, I felt guilty and ashamed.

I joined my husband in Germany in 2024, and we鈥檝e spent the last year rebuilding our marriage. The trust didn鈥檛 return overnight, but we鈥檙e still together and slowly finding our way back to each other.

鈥淢y trust hasn鈥檛 returned鈥� 鈥� Charles*, 45

My wife and I belonged to the same friendship circle before we got married. There had always been chemistry between her and another friend, but he moved abroad and life went on. We got married, built a life together and I never had any reason to doubt her.

Years later, a mutual friend told me my wife had admitted to kissing him after we鈥檇 married. When I confronted her, she admitted.

I chose to forgive her, but I couldn鈥檛 stop asking myself difficult questions. Had she settled for me because he wasn鈥檛 around? Four years later, we鈥檙e still together, but I still don鈥檛 trust her the way I used to. Whenever she鈥檚 away, I worry more than I should.

鈥淚 stopped expecting my husband to be faithful鈥� 鈥� Bola*, 42

My husband has cheated on me multiple times throughout our marriage. Whenever I confronted him, he鈥檇 either deny it or turn the conversation into a lecture about respect.

For years, I hoped he鈥檇 change. Eventually, I realised fighting the same battle over and over only drained me. It never changed him. These days, I focus on my children and my peace. Whenever we鈥檙e intimate, we use protection because I refuse to put my health at risk.

People might not understand why I stayed, but marriage isn鈥檛 that simple. I鈥檓 not willing to walk away from everything we鈥檝e built because of his behaviour.

鈥淥ur children discovered my wife鈥檚 affair鈥� 鈥� Aminu*, 45

One day, our children showed me messages they鈥檇 found on my wife鈥檚 phone. As I read them, I realised she鈥檇 been exchanging explicit messages with another man. I later discovered money was involved, which she claims drew her into the relationship.

The affair hurt, but knowing our children uncovered her infidelity hurt even more. They should never have been exposed to something like that.

Our families eventually stepped in, and she cut off contact with the man. Since then, we鈥檝e tried to rebuild our marriage. What I still struggle with is her attitude. I don鈥檛 think she truly understands the pain, embarrassment and humiliation the affair caused, especially for our children.

鈥淗e found someone else to act out his fantasies鈥� 鈥� Charity*, 38

I didn鈥檛 realise my husband was addicted to pornography until it started affecting our marriage. What began as requests to experiment in the bedroom gradually escalated into fantasies involving peeing, choking and other things I wasn鈥檛 comfortable with.

My breaking point came when he wanted us to try anal sex. I told him that if those experiences mattered that much, he鈥檇 have to find someone else because I wasn鈥檛 willing to compromise my health.

To my shock, he did. His confession hurt, but it also forced us into honest conversations we鈥檇 avoided for years. We鈥檝e accepted that we have very different expectations around sex and our marriage has become more peaceful since we stopped trying to change each other.

鈥淢y husband鈥檚 confession changed how I saw our marriage鈥� 鈥� Mary*, 47

In 2017, my husband became deeply religious and decided to come clean about his past. During one of those conversations, he confessed that he鈥檇 cheated on me with two women I knew.

I was blindsided. We鈥檇 been married for years and I鈥檇 never suspected a thing. The betrayal was painful enough, but what hurt most was realising something so significant had happened under my nose.

He confessed because he wanted to move forward with a clear conscience, and I chose to stay.

Years later, the memory still returns when I least expect it. Sometimes I still wonder how someone I trusted so completely managed to keep a secret that big for so long.

鈥淎 joke ruined my trust鈥� 鈥� Nonso*, 38

My wife and I have struggled to conceive since we got married, and the emotional toll has been enormous for both of us. During one conversation, she joked that she鈥檇 soon try having a child with someone else.

She laughed it off, but I couldn鈥檛. I kept replaying those words and wondering whether she鈥檇 considered it. For the first time, I questioned both her commitment to our marriage and my adequacy as a husband.

We鈥檝e talked about it since, and she insists it was only a joke. But I haven鈥檛 been able to let it go. Even though I have no reason to believe she鈥檚 been unfaithful, I catch myself watching her differently.

鈥淗e keeps his other family away鈥� 鈥� Kayinsola*, 48

Before I married my husband, I made one thing clear: I never wanted a polygamous marriage. He grew up around polygamy but promised it would never happen to us. 

12 years later, someone called to tell me he鈥檇 impregnated another woman and planned to marry her. He broke a promise he鈥檇 made to me. I stopped speaking to him for a while because I couldn鈥檛 understand how the man I trusted could make a decision that would change our family forever.

Still, he went ahead with the marriage. Accepting that he has a second family is one of the hardest things I鈥檝e done. We鈥檙e still together because he respects the boundaries I set. He keeps his other family completely separate from ours. Since they got married in 2022, I鈥檝e only seen them once.

鈥淚鈥檓 still in the marriage for my own reasons鈥� 鈥� Joan*, 43

My husband cheated on me before we got married. I knew, but he convinced me it meant nothing emotionally. According to him, casual sex didn鈥檛 count as cheating, and I was young enough to believe him.

Marriage didn鈥檛 change anything. The affairs continued, usually during work trips or nights out with friends. Eventually, I grew numb. We鈥檙e still married, but infidelity changed how I see him. I slowly fell out of love, and these days, I鈥檓 only here because the marriage still benefits me.

鈥淢y wife鈥檚 affair came during our hardest season鈥� 鈥� Chibueze*, 48

My wife confessed to an affair in 2014. We were struggling financially, and I wasn鈥檛 handling it well. I shut down emotionally and pushed her away every time she tried to get close. She said she felt lonely and neglected, but that explanation didn鈥檛 make the betrayal hurt any less.

I was convinced the marriage was over. I only stayed because our children were still young. I told myself I鈥檇 leave once they were older. But I never did.

Life slowly improved. I became more financially stable, and we found our way back to each other. I still wish she鈥檇 chosen a different way to deal with our problems. But I鈥檝e also accepted that my emotional withdrawal created cracks in our marriage. Today, I no longer want a divorce.

鈥淚 found out about my husband鈥檚 second marriage from his cousin鈥� 鈥� Zainab*, 59

My husband always promised he鈥檇 never take another wife. Then, in 1998, one of his cousins told me he was preparing to marry a younger woman. I was blindsided. He鈥檇 been transferred to a state near his hometown, and, from everything I later learnt, his family pressured him into marrying again.

What hurt most was that no one told me until the wedding day. Still, I attended and shared souvenirs. I wanted him to know I was aware.

The look on his face told me he鈥檇 never imagined I鈥檇 show up. Afterwards, I refused to compete with his new wife and continued treating him with kindness. As the universe will have it, their marriage didn鈥檛 last. Within three years, it had fallen apart.

鈥淗is affair nearly ended our marriage鈥� 鈥� Prisca*, 43

One of my husband鈥檚 friends casually mentioned he had a girlfriend in the city where he worked.

At first, I thought it was a misunderstanding. Then I looked into it and found out it was true. Whenever he came home, I barely acknowledged him. We lived like strangers for months, and at one point, we were essentially separated.

But that wasn鈥檛 the end of our story. Eventually, time brought us back together. He moved back home full-time in 2024, and we had to face each other again. We started talking, listening to each other and were forced to deal with everything we鈥檇 avoided for years. Today, we鈥檙e in a much better place.

鈥淚 pretend we鈥檙e in an open marriage鈥� 鈥� Jacob*, 47

My wife has cheated on me more than once. Each time, she鈥檇 apologise, promise to change and eventually do it again. One day, I simply stopped fighting. I work away from home for long stretches, and I got tired of trying to change someone who didn鈥檛 want to change.

Eventually, the anger disappeared. So did the disappointment about what our union had come to. 

We鈥檝e stayed together because of our children and everything we鈥檝e built over the years. I鈥檝e accepted that pretending we鈥檙e in an open marriage works best for us. Now, when I鈥檓 away, I see other people too.

鈥淚 don鈥檛 want my children to experience divorce鈥� 鈥� Imole*, 41

My husband鈥檚 infidelity has hurt me more than I can put into words. Still, leaving has never been an option. I grew up as a child of divorce. After my parents separated, I lived with my father and a stepmother who didn鈥檛 treat me well.

I鈥檝e never forgotten what that felt like. That鈥檚 why I鈥檝e always wanted something different for my own children. Over the years, I鈥檝e stopped tying my peace to my husband鈥檚 choices.

Instead, I鈥檝e focused on raising my children and becoming financially independent. There鈥檚 comfort in knowing that if I ever decide to leave, I鈥檒l be able to stand on my own.

听*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you loved this, you won’t want to miss the next episode. The Parenting Shift explores how marriage changes once children enter the picture. Dropping July 10th.

Read Next: Married Nigerians Get Honest About Their First Years Together

In this week’s Marriage Diaries, he talks about marrying a single mum, the boundaries he’s still struggling to accept and why, despite everything, patience has become the hardest part of his marriage.

Got a marriage story to share? Please听听and we鈥檒l reach out.

I thought marriage would feel like a romance movie

I was a proper lover boy growing up. I consumed every relationship story I could get my hands on. I was always reading romance novels or watching love stories. I remember being obsessed with soaps like 鈥淲hen You Are Mine鈥� and 鈥淭he Gardener’s Daughter鈥�. Somewhere along the line, I convinced myself that my own marriage would look like that, too.

Obviously, I knew real life wouldn’t be perfect, but I genuinely believed I’d find my princess and we’d build this beautiful, romantic life together.

That mindset even shaped how I dated. Not to brag, but if you ask any of my exes, they’ll probably tell you I was one of the most romantic men they’d been with. I always believed love deserved effort.

So when I pictured marriage, I pictured a fairytale. Maybe not exactly like the movies, but close enough that I’d spend my life trying to recreate it.

I never imagined I’d marry a single mum

If there’s one thing that has surprised me the most about marriage, it’s my wife.

In every version of my future I imagined growing up, there wasn’t one where I married someone who already had a child or had been married before. But I guess that’s life. You never really know where love will find you.

We attended university together, then lost touch for almost five years before reconnecting. She was just as beautiful as I remembered, and everything happened naturally from there.

I’d seen her son before, but I never asked questions. I suspected he was hers, but I promised myself I’d wait until she was ready to tell me. She eventually did, about a year into our relationship.

By then, my feelings were already too deep for it to change anything. Ironically, accepting it myself turned out to be the easy part.

My family almost convinced me to walk away

The real doubts started when I introduced her to my family. My parents liked everything about her until my mum found out she already had a child. It was almost like someone flipped a switch. Suddenly, there were endless reasons why I shouldn’t continue. According to my mum, I deserved someone without any “history.”

If I’m being honest, a small part of me understood where she was coming from. Then, just as wedding preparations had begun, my wife’s son’s father suddenly returned from abroad after years away and wanted to be an active father again.

That complicated everything. I found myself wondering whether I was really ready for the kind of marriage I was walking into. It wasn’t just about marrying the woman I loved anymore. It also meant accepting that another man would always have a place in our lives because of their child.

In the end, love won because I chose her anyway.

Learning to share fatherhood has been my hardest lesson

Nobody prepared me for what it actually means to marry someone who already has a child.

My stepson lives with us, and I genuinely love him. Somewhere along the way, he stopped feeling like “my wife’s son” and simply became my son too. But loving him hasn’t removed the complicated parts.

His biological father still comes to our house to pick him up sometimes, and I’ve never been comfortable with that. Personally, I don’t think he should even know where we live.

The one time I raised it with my wife, it became a serious argument. Afterwards, I kept wondering whether I was being unreasonable or simply protecting my own peace.

The difficult thing is that I can’t exactly run to my parents for advice because they never supported the marriage in the first place. Sometimes it feels like I’m figuring everything out alone.

And if I’m honest, whenever I have to figure things out by myself, I usually end up choosing the option that makes everyone else comfortable except me.

My stepson’s birthday exposed everything we’d been avoiding

Last year, my stepson turned 10. My wife and I had agreed to organise a small celebration until his father stepped in and insisted on throwing a much bigger party.

The moment that happened, I quietly stepped back. I cancelled the plans I’d already made, bought my stepson a nice gift and some money, and decided I wouldn’t attend the party. My wife was disappointed but respected my decision.

She and my stepson left the day before the party and didn’t return until two days later. By the time they got home, I was angry. I said things I shouldn’t have said. I accused her of taking me for granted and told her that not every man would tolerate everything I’d tolerated.

Looking back, I regret saying those things in front of the child. I apologised later that day because no matter how frustrated I felt, he didn’t deserve to witness that.

Still, the conversation itself needed to happen. I’ve never asked my wife to stop her son’s father from being involved. In fact, people complain every day about absent fathers. If a father genuinely wants to show up for his child, that’s a good thing.

What I’ve struggled with is boundaries. We’re still figuring out what those should look like.

Marriage has taught me patience, even when I don’t feel patient

Marriage has definitely made me a more patient person. I wouldn’t describe my younger self as impatient, but these days I’m much more intentional about processing my emotions before reacting. It’s changed how I deal with people outside my home, too. Situations that would’ve gotten an immediate reaction from me years ago barely get one now.

One thing that hasn’t changed is my romantic side. I still enjoy making my wife feel special. Last Valentine’s Day, I planned a family trip to Ghana. Before we got back, I’d already arranged for a neighbour to receive a giant surprise package and leave it in our house. Watching her open it remains one of my favourite memories from our marriage.

Moments like that remind me why I fell in love with her in the first place. At the same time, I’d be lying if I said I don’t sometimes wonder whether marrying someone with an existing family was the right decision.

If I could advise my younger self today, I’d probably tell him not to go down that path, not because single mothers don’t deserve love, but because relationships like ours come with complications that many people underestimate.

Sometimes those old family ties blur boundaries, even when nobody intends for them to. Maybe I feel this way because my wife and I are still waiting for our own child together. I believe that chapter will change a lot for us.

Until then, I’m choosing to hold on to the part of me that has always believed in love, even when it turns out very differently from the fairytale I imagined growing up.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

Got a marriage story to share? Please听听and we鈥檒l reach out.

In this story, Oreoluwa opens up about the bond with his puppy and why he hopes more people will see pets as family, not just animals.

I got Duke in 2023, at one of the lowest points in my life. I’d just lost my uncle, who was a second father to me, and I wasn’t coping well. I’d always been 鈥渢oo busy鈥� whenever he asked me to visit. The day before I finally planned to see him, he died. 

I carried that guilt for months.  I became angry with the world,  withdrew  from everyone and distracted myself with working out, but nothing helped. If anything, I only became depressed. 

Growing up, my uncle always had dogs. They were a big part of our relationship. He bought me my first dog, and caring for animals became something we shared. After he passed, getting another dog felt like the closest thing to holding on to those memories.

That’s how I found Duke. A family in South Africa had just had a litter of puppies, and I adopted one. At first, I panicked. He’d just flown in and was throwing up. I remember thinking, What have I done? But I’d already committed, so there was no turning back.

Barely two days later, I hit another low. I filled Duke鈥檚 bowl with food, locked myself in my room, and decided I didn’t want to keep living. 

But Duke wouldn’t eat. Instead, he stayed outside my door, barking and scratching relentlessly until my neighbours came to check on us. Everything I’d planned fell apart.

When I finally opened the door, he climbed onto the bed and curled up beside me. It felt like he understood how I felt. That was the beginning of our bond.

Before Duke, physical touch wasn’t my thing. I hated hugs and rarely showed affection. But Duke would come looking for cuddles, and I quickly realised that being close to me made him happy. Without noticing it, I started changing too. 

The more I cared for him, the lighter I felt. Gradually, I found my way to happiness again.

Becoming a dog dad made me more patient. You can’t stay angry around a dog for long. He’ll just stare at you like he has no idea why you’re upset. Eventually, you soften.

When I started posting Duke online, Nigerians didn’t get it. People said I needed help because they couldn’t understand why a grown man would treat his dog like family.

Ironically, everything changed once our content started getting attention internatonally. Now, strangers stop me just to ask how Duke is doing. I’m glad we made more Nigerians see that pets deserve love, too.

But as Duke became more popular, I also realised I had to protect him. Some brands treat him like a prop and don’t care about his welfare during shoots. I’ve walked away from opportunities because of that. No amount of money is worth compromising his well-being. 

I even trust his instincts with people. Duke is one of the friendliest dogs you’ll ever meet, so if he doesn’t like someone, I pay attention. A friend used to frequent our place with toys and treats, but Duke refused to go near him. Later, I found out the person had been trying to scam me. 

I once liked someone who said she couldn’t date me because she didn’t want to compete with Duke for my attention. That made me realise that anyone I end up with has to understand that Duke isn鈥檛 just a pet. He鈥檚 family. 

Duke has also changed how I think about responsibility. In Nigeria, people get pets because they’re cute without understanding how demanding they are. They need proper food, healthcare, and attention. 

Pets aren’t accessories you pick up only when you’re in the mood. They depend on you, and loving them means showing up every single day. 

Read Next: My Soulmate Broke Up After A Car Accident Left Her Paralysed

Dayo* (29) and Tomisin* (27) met in 2022 when a mutual friend connected them. 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about how a failed NYSC posting pushed them together, dealing with uneven efforts from one party, and how a phone screenshot almost ended it all.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Dayo: We met through a mutual friend in 2022. Our mutual friend referred Tomisin to me because I helped people sort out their NYSC postings. 

From her very first message to me, I could tell she was a warm, chatty person. She easily asked questions and made conversation, even though we had never spoken before. It threw me off because I was in professional mode and wasn’t expecting that energy. I actually had to call my mutual friend and ask her, “Does this girl know me from somewhere?” She said no, that’s just how Tomisin is with people. 

Tomisin: I couldn鈥檛 tell whether he was being professional or just rude. I was doing my best to be friendly and warm, and he was giving me these flat, one-word responses. Like he was just tolerating the conversation. I didn’t know what to do with that. 

I thought, 鈥淥kay, this person is not interested in small talk.鈥�

So I pulled back and just focused on the business at hand. But it was confusing because I鈥檇 heard good things about him from our mutual friend, and the energy did not match.

Screaming. But how did the posting conversation go?

Dayo: It was a disaster, which had never happened to me before. My plug failed, and Tomisin was sent to Edo for camp. She鈥檇 been specific about wanting Lagos, and I gave her my word because I always had a 95% success rate. 

Tomisin: I was devastated. I cried and sent him a heated voice note. My mum was also upset, and she sent him a voice note when he didn鈥檛 pick up our calls. It was a whole thing because this was not what we agreed on. He had assured me that everything was taken care of, and that I鈥檇 be serving in Lagos like I wanted.

Dayo: This was the first time my plug had failed me. I didn鈥檛 even know what to do, and her mum鈥檚 voice note made it worse. She wasn鈥檛 even angry. She just sounded really hurt, like I鈥檇 intentionally put her daughter in harm’s way. 

I explained that I would get her redeployed after camp, but she was already in tears. So I went to her house to meet her and her parents in person. I sat down with them, apologised properly, and promised that the redeployment would happen. Then, on the day she was leaving for camp, I followed her all the way to the park. And before she boarded, I gave her 鈧�20k. 

Oh. Why did you do that?

Dayo: I just felt bad. It wasn’t her fault, and she was going somewhere she hadn’t planned to go. I wanted her to at least have something in her pocket.

Tomisin: That gesture really got me. And while I was in camp, he kept checking on me and even sent more money. That was when I started seeing a different side of him. The professional, dry-response guy was gone, and there was actually a very caring person underneath.

What happened after camp?听

Dayo: I got her redeployed to Lagos as I promised, and I lowkey thought that would be the end of our interaction. But I found myself texting her and checking on her even after everything was resolved. She was struggling with her PPA placement, so I helped with that, too. And before I knew it, we had built a friendship. I always had one reason to text or call her.听

Tomisin: It was so funny how he went from this 鈥渙ne-word texter鈥� to constantly being in my DMs. We talked almost every day. And what stood out was that he actually paid attention. If I mentioned in passing that something was bothering me, he would come back to it later and ask how it was going. 

Most people let things like that slide, but not Dayo. I don鈥檛 think I鈥檝e met anyone as attentive as him. 

Nice. So at what point did you realise you liked each other?

Dayo: It was gradual on my end. I started noticing I was going out of my way to reach out to her even when I didn鈥檛 have a reason. I was just looking for excuses to talk to her. But even then, I still wasn鈥檛 sure what the feeling was.

Then, one day, during a conversation with our mutual friend, she mentioned that we鈥檇 actually make a cute couple. I think that was the first time I pictured us together and I couldn鈥檛 get the thought out of my mind. I knew she was single, so I felt it was a done deal in a way. 

Tomisin: I actually wasn鈥檛 trying to date anyone. I had relocation plans, and I didn’t want to get into something that was going to turn into a long-distance relationship. So even though I was starting to like him, I wasn’t going to make any moves. I just let things be.

So who made the move?

Dayo: I did. I asked her out in February 2023. 

Tomisin: I said yes. By that point, I had decided to go with what felt right rather than overthink the relocation thing. He was good to me, and I liked him. So it was a very easy yes. 

What were the early days of the relationship like?

Tomisin: Not the best period of my life. I didn’t have a job at the time. My plans to relocate weren鈥檛 going the way I wanted. Things were generally not looking up, and I was in a low mood for a lot of that period. Dayo was trying his best; he was very generous and showed up in ways I genuinely didn鈥檛 expect. I really appreciated that, but I was just unhappy. It had nothing to do with him.

Dayo: I couldn’t stand seeing her sad. I鈥檇 tried to pull some plug for a job, but it didn鈥檛 work. A part of me felt really frustrated because we were supposed to be in the honeymoon phase of our relationship, but Tomisin was constantly sad and worried. 

At some point, beyond offering words of encouragement and trying to speak on her behalf, I felt I needed to do something about her situation. So I put her on a monthly allowance. I also took her out regularly, making sure she had what she needed for day-to-day life.

My NYSC hustle was going well at that time, and I had forex income on top of it, so I was comfortable enough to do it without feeling the strain.听

I even had the idea at one point of opening a small breakfast cafe and setting Tomisin up to manage it. That one didn’t work out in the end, but I was thinking about how to set her up properly. 

But then, things slowed down for me financially in 2024. And that was tough.

I鈥檓 sorry. What happened, though?

Dayo: My NYSC plug passed away. So that whole side of my income just stopped. And the forex trading had become slow, too. So the money wasn鈥檛 coming like it used to. Luckily, around that same time, Tomisin had started picking up freelancing and was earning well. So I felt relieved that she wouldn鈥檛 feel the bite after I stopped her monthly allowance. 

But that’s when I also started noticing something about her.

What did you notice?

Dayo: That she is stingy. Not frugal, actually stingy. Before, I鈥檇 always assumed she was disciplined about saving and careful about spending. I respected that. But when I was the one who needed something, I saw what it actually was. I would ask her for as little as 鈧�10 or 鈧�20k, and she would look me in the eye and tell me she didn鈥檛 have it. I knew she was lying. 

Sometimes she would give it, but then she would make sure she collected every kobo back. It was strange to me. My girlfriend, whom I鈥檇 done a lot for when she wasn鈥檛 in a position to do for herself.

Tomisin: I prefer to say I am frugal. I have always been careful about money. I don’t believe in giving it away just because someone asks, unless it is a genuine emergency. That鈥檚 how I was raised and how I operate. Dayo is not the first person in my life to call me stingy. I’ve heard it from people who know me. It doesn鈥檛 offend me because I know my intention is to be responsible with what I have.

But doesn’t that bother you? That your partner calls you stingy?

Tomisin: Not really. I鈥檝e heard it many times. I know who I am with money, and I’m not going to pretend. But I also want to push back on some of what Dayo says. Not everything he calls stinginess is stinginess. Sometimes I genuinely don鈥檛 have money to give, even if there’s a number sitting in my account. Money can be allocated; it can be tied to something; it might not even be entirely mine. He doesn鈥檛 always consider that. Once he believes that I have money, he expects me to splurge or readily give when he asks.

Dayo: I hear that. But when you’ve been with someone, and you’ve done as much as I did for her during the period she was struggling, and then when the tables turn, they’re lying to your face about 鈧�20k, that goes beyond being frugal. 

Did you ever bring up these concerns with her?

Dayo: I did. I sat her down and called her stingy to her face, and like she said, she didn鈥檛 flinch. She basically just said, ” Yes, I know I’m like that.鈥� 

That response shocked me because I came prepared for a real conversation, and she just responded as though it was old news.

Tomisin: I also want to say something else about this. I sometimes genuinely question how broke Dayo actually is when he says he is broke. He鈥檇 say he doesn’t have money, and then the next minute he鈥檚 suggesting a date or doing something that costs money. So it鈥檚 hard for me to know when to take the complaints seriously and when it鈥檚 just a habit of speech. I’m not saying he doesn鈥檛 have moments of need. But the signals are often confusing, which affects how I respond.

Dayo: That鈥檚 because I know how to manage. I still want to make it a good time for us, even when things are tight. That doesn’t mean I’m not genuinely struggling.

So, did you guys ever land on a fix?

Dayo: Not really, it got to a tipping point around March. My car broke down and needed serious repairs. I was looking at about 鈧�500k, which I didn鈥檛 have at the time. So I went to Tomisin and asked if she could l loan me. She said she didn’t have the money. I knew from how she said it that she was lying. I found a way to get into her phone, looked at her account balance, took a screenshot of it and sent it directly to her.

Tomisin: That was a serious violation of my privacy. He went through my phone without my permission, then took screenshots of my bank details and sent them to me like it was a normal thing to do. I don’t care what his reason was or how frustrated he was. That鈥檚 not okay. You don’t go through your partner’s phone, and you definitely don’t screenshot their financial information and use it against them in an argument.

Dayo: I wasn鈥檛 trying to invade her privacy for no reason. I was tired of being lied to. If she had just said, I have the money, but I can鈥檛 loanit right now, I would have accepted that. I wouldn鈥檛 have liked it, but I would have accepted it. What I couldn鈥檛 accept was being looked in the face and told she didn鈥檛 have money when I knew she did. I needed her to stop lying to me.

How did you guys resolve this?

Dayo: We stopped speaking for about two months. No calls or texts, nothing. I think that鈥檚 the longest we have gone without speaking since we got together. It was bad. I was angry and missed her terribly, but I wasn鈥檛 going to reach out. Then she did in May.

Tomisin: I apologised; not for everything, because I still believe he shouldn鈥檛 have gone through my phone. But I apologised for my role in how things escalated. I didn鈥檛 want to lose what we had over a fight about money.

Dayo: But it still hasn’t been properly resolved. I love her and I’m not going anywhere. I just need her to actually work on that aspect. Because it’s not even just with me. I watch her decline her siblings’ requests. She’ll say no to family members very pointedly. And that worries me a lot, especially with someone I plan to build a family with. 

Tomisin, is he right about the family part?

Tomisin: He isn鈥檛 entirely wrong. I鈥檓 the same way with money across the board. It鈥檚 not something I only do with Dayo. My siblings and friends have experienced it. I know it can read as cold or uncaring even when that鈥檚 not my intention. I am not someone who says no because I enjoy saying no. I say no because I have always felt strongly that money has to be treated seriously. But I also recognise that there is a version of being careful with money that crosses into cold-heartedness. I鈥檓 trying to do better. It鈥檚 a work in progress.

Dayo: It makes me think sometimes. Not about whether I love her, because I do. But I think about the bigger picture. Marriage, having children, and going through hard seasons. You can鈥檛 do any of that with a partner who disappears when things are tight. 

You mentioned trying to do better, Tomisin. What steps have you taken?

Tomisin: I now have a budget that I put aside for random requests. So it makes it easier for me to pull from that when anyone comes to me. Even if I can鈥檛 give them all they ask for, I鈥檒l have something for them. With Dayo, I鈥檓 learning to do things a lot more in our relationship. I admit I鈥檝e gotten used to having him play the sole provider role, but these days, I鈥檓 opening my purse a little more.

There are times I freak out, especially when I spend huge sums. For instance, we went to a fancy place for his birthday and spent 鈧�150k. I just kept drawing different scenarios in my head of how that money could have been better utilised. 

I think there’s a version of me that can give more freely. I just need to get there in my own way and at my own pace. It’s not something that changes overnight.

Fair enough. What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Dayo: Everything else, honestly. This money issue is real, and I am not trivialising it. But outside of that, Tomisin is genuinely one of the most enjoyable people I have spent time with. She is funny. She has a way of thinking about things that I find interesting. She went through a genuinely hard period when we first got together, and she didn鈥檛 collapse. She kept pushing. I respect that a lot. 

She makes me want to show up. Even when I have my own problems, I still want to make sure she’s okay. That’s not something I’ve felt with everyone. 

Tomisin: He鈥檚 one of the most caring people I鈥檝e ever met in my life. I know I frustrate him with the money issue, and I know it has caused real damage between us. But I also know that what he has brought to this relationship is something I don鈥檛 take for granted.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Dayo: 7. We鈥檙e a work in progress, and I think we鈥檝e both been intentional about keeping the relationship going. We might get to a 10 before the end of the year

Tomisin: 7 also. We’re still figuring each other out. But the foundation is solid and we’ll be fine.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this听.

If you鈥檝e enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We鈥檝e partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it鈥檚 about to be your favourite book.

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At the end of this story, you鈥檒l get to answer one question: Did she fuck up or not?

This is Bola鈥檚 dilemma, as told to Betty:

My husband, Biodun, and I met at church in 2010. He was handsome, charming and a solid Christian, so when he asked me to be his girlfriend, I happily said yes. 

The relationship was beautiful, and in 2012, we got married. Biodun taught at a secondary school while I ran a provision store. We didn鈥檛 have much, but we lived comfortably within our means. 

Everything changed in 2017, shortly after we had our second child.  A building contractor from the church offered Biodun a job in Abuja. The pay was generous, and he鈥檇 also earn commissions. We agreed it was too soon to move the whole family, so he moved alone while I stayed back with the kids.

The first year was amazing. The extra income transformed our lives. I moved to a bigger shop, hired a live-in nanny and even bought a car. Biodun also bought a car and rented a spacious 2-bedroom apartment in Abuja. Every month, he鈥檇 fly to Ibadan, spend about a week with us, then return to work. We were happy. 

The听听is returning on August 22, 2026, in Lagos! Come learn from finance experts and industry leaders, and partake in unfiltered conversations about building wealth and diversifying your income stream in a country like Nigeria.听Real stories, expert advice you can actually use, and a community ready to build wealth together.听.

The problems started in 2019.

I suggested joining Biodun in Abuja, but he refused. He said the city wasn鈥檛 safe, and he didn鈥檛 want the kids growing up there. I wasn鈥檛 convinced, but I accepted his reason. 

Then COVID happened. Biodun could no longer make his monthly visits because of the lockdown. The nanny also quit and moved out. Suddenly, I was stuck at home alone with two kids. He called often, but phone calls couldn鈥檛 replace having my husband around.

After the lockdown was lifted in May, I waited for Biodun to visit, but he didn鈥檛. After two months, I asked him when he planned to come home. That鈥檚 when the excuses started. 

He was really busy because business had kicked off again. He had an important event he couldn鈥檛 miss because of  networking. The excuses kept coming, and I grew more upset.

I even reported him to his mother. She promised he鈥檇 come home, but nothing changed. I kept telling him how much the children and I missed him, how lonely I was becoming and how I needed him around. He鈥檇 promise to visit soon, but he never did.

I stayed patient for a whole year. 

When he told me he wasn鈥檛 going to make it to Ibadan for Christmas in 2022, I simply said, 鈥淣o problem.鈥�  After the holidays, I packed my things, took my children and moved in with my married sister. 

When my mother found out, she was livid. She called Biodun, who bombarded me with calls, demanding that I move back into the house with the kids. I refused. 

I told him I was tired of the loneliness. If he was going to make me live like a single mother, I at least wanted another adult in the house to talk to at the end of the day. I told him I wasn鈥檛 coming back unless he agreed to relocate us to Abuja or return to Ibadan himself. 

By then, I鈥檇 also convinced myself he had another woman in Abuja. I was determined to make it hard for him to abandon our family. 

He accused me of standing in the way of our progress, and I accused him of trying to avoid his responsibilities. We couldn鈥檛 see eye to eye. It took both our families’ intervention before he finally agreed to let us join him in Abuja.

But now I wonder if it was worth it. We moved here in 2023, yet Biodun still feels distant. 

He leaves early every day, comes home late and barely speaks to me beyond what鈥檚 necessary. He鈥檚 affectionate with the kids, but it鈥檚 like he鈥檚 shut me out completely. I鈥檝e tried different ways to bridge the gap between us. I even suggested moving back to Ibadan, but he refused. 

Now, I鈥檓 in Abuja with my husband, but I feel just as lonely as before.

I鈥檝e been asking myself if I messed up by insisting we move here. I was only trying to protect my home.

See what other people are saying about this article online.

READ ALSO: Sunken Ships: My Brother and I Stopped Speaking. I Lost Him to the APC 

She explains why blocking her boyfriend has become her preferred conflict-resolution strategy and why she has no plans to stop.

This is Aramide鈥檚 explanation, as shared with Adeyinka

People think blocking your partner is childish or manipulative. Maybe it is for some people. For me, it鈥檚 self-preservation.

I鈥檝e blocked my boyfriend more than once, and if we have another fight where I feel overwhelmed, I鈥檒l probably do it again.

The funny thing is that I actually love him. If I didn鈥檛, we鈥檇 have broken up a long time ago. He鈥檚 caring, thoughtful and always shows up when I need him. That鈥檚 why we鈥檝e managed to stay together despite everything. The problem is that when this man gets angry, it鈥檚 like someone flips a switch.

He knows exactly what to say to hurt me. It鈥檚 almost like he starts looking for the most painful thing he can type just because he knows it鈥檒l get a reaction. I used to stay there and argue back because I wanted to defend myself. Every single time, it ended with both of us saying things we couldn鈥檛 take back.

After a while, I realised I didn鈥檛 like the version of myself those arguments brought out.

About two months ago, we had another fight. My sisters and I had planned to attend an overnight party. We鈥檇 been talking about it for weeks, and I wasn鈥檛 about to cancel because my boyfriend suddenly decided he didn鈥檛 want me to go.

I love my boyfriend, but I won鈥檛 choose him over my siblings. They鈥檝e been in my life long before he came around, and I wasn鈥檛 going to disappoint them over an argument.

Before leaving, I鈥檇 already hidden my WhatsApp Status from him because I knew he鈥檇 complain if I posted anything. I also stayed off Instagram. I honestly thought that was enough. Then a mutual friend uploaded a Snapchat video from the party. That鈥檚 how he found out I鈥檇 gone.

Almost immediately, the messages started pouring in. He wasn鈥檛 asking questions or trying to understand why I went. He went straight into attack mode, accusing me of disrespecting him and saying the kind of things he always says when he鈥檚 angry.

The moment I saw where the conversation was heading, I blocked him on WhatsApp.

I knew exactly what would鈥檝e happened if I stayed. He would鈥檝e kept sending hurtful messages, I鈥檇 eventually reply with something equally hurtful, and we鈥檇 spend days trying to recover from words we didn鈥檛 really mean.

Instead, I removed myself completely. This time, I left him blocked for four days.

Apparently, he tried reaching me through my sister, but I told her not to get involved. I wasn鈥檛 interested in having the conversation until both of us had calmed down.

On the fifth day, I unblocked him and sent him a simple message to let him know. He was still upset, but he actually communicated. No insults or trying to destroy me with words. We finally had the kind of civil conversation we should鈥檝e had from the beginning.

That experience reminded me why blocking works for me. It鈥檚 always about protecting my peace.

I know myself. If someone keeps provoking me long enough, I鈥檒l eventually say something I regret. I鈥檇 rather block you, cool off and come back when I can think clearly than stay in a conversation that鈥檚 becoming toxic.

Maybe one day we鈥檒l both become emotionally mature enough not to need that block button. Until then, I鈥檒l keep using it.

The funny thing is that he鈥檚 never blocked me before. He mustn鈥檛 even try it. I know myself well enough to admit I鈥檇 probably lose my mind. Maybe that makes me a hypocrite, but at least I鈥檓 a self-aware one.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

We asked men who earn less than their partners how it affects their relationships. Here鈥檚 what they had to say.

鈥淚t took me a while to stop feeling insecure鈥� 鈥� David*, 31

When my girlfriend got a promotion two years ago, her salary became almost double mine overnight. I鈥檇 be lying if I said it didn鈥檛 bother me. I grew up believing a man should always be the main provider, so I felt like I was failing.

The funny thing is, she has only tried to make me feel comfortable about it. The insecurity was entirely mine. It took months of conversations and self-reflection for me to realise that my worth wasn鈥檛 tied to my paycheck. These days, I鈥檓 genuinely proud of her achievements. If anything, her success motivates me to pursue my own career goals more aggressively.

The听听is returning on August 22, 2026, in Lagos! Come learn from finance experts and industry leaders, and partake in unfiltered conversations about building wealth and diversifying your income stream in a country like Nigeria.听Real stories, expert advice you can actually use, and a community ready to build wealth together.听.

鈥淚 worry about the future more than the present鈥� 鈥� Kunle*, 38

My girlfriend earns more than I do, and right now things are okay. We split expenses according to what each of us can afford, and nobody is struggling. My concern is what happens later.

What if we get married and have children? What if her career continues growing while mine remains stagnant? I sometimes worry that the gap will become so large that resentment will creep in, even if neither of us intentionally means it. 

She allows me to speak to her about these fears openly, which helps, but I鈥檇 be dishonest if I said they don鈥檛 cross my mind often.

鈥淚t鈥檚 honestly a relief. I love it鈥� 鈥� Ayo*, 33

Before my current relationship, I dated people who expected me to pay for absolutely everything. Even when I was struggling financially, I felt pressured to keep up appearances because 鈥淚鈥檓 the man.鈥�

My current girlfriend earns far more than I do,  and she doesn鈥檛 see money as a measure of authority.  She willingly chips in more than I do. We support each other and contribute based on what we can afford. I鈥檝e never felt so relieved. There鈥檚 less pressure, fewer financial arguments and more room for us to enjoy. She鈥檚 also really smart with money, and I鈥檝e been learning a lot from her about saving and investing smarter. This is the healthiest relationship I鈥檝e ever had.

鈥淢y wife helped me salvage my bruised ego鈥� 鈥� Dimeji*, 54

I supported my wife when she started her provisions business 23 years ago. Over time, the business grew beyond anything either of us had imagined, and she began earning several times what I made.

Financially, it was great for the family. We moved into a better house, paid school fees comfortably and took trips abroad. But emotionally, I struggled. I鈥檇 spent most of my life believing my role was to provide, so I felt lost when I was no longer the top earner. God bless my wife for remaining submissive and homely. She never made me feel bad for not earning as much. She鈥檇 even tell people who asked that I make more money. She鈥檚 really the best.

鈥淚t鈥檚 not a problem because I also earn well鈥� 鈥� Jonathan*, 28

Some may think that my wife earning more would have a negative effect on my self-esteem or masculinity, but that isn鈥檛 the case at all. I earn about 拢5800 after tax as a senior developer, and she earns 拢6300 as the head of operations in her company, so we鈥檙e very comfortable. Genuinely, I don鈥檛 feel the financial imbalance in any way. We save together and pay bills together.

 My salary is enough for anything we need, and hers can too. So imagine us working as a team, it鈥檚 just been amazing. If I can give a piece of advice to any guy in my position, I鈥檇 say, 鈥淵ou lucky bastard, don鈥檛 let that beautiful lady go鈥�.

鈥淚鈥檓 scared people think I鈥檓 with her for money鈥� 鈥� Femi*, 27

My girlfriend works in tech as a data analyst and earns more than thrice what I make. It鈥檚 never been an issue between us, but I鈥檓 very aware of how it looks from the outside.

Whenever she pays for something expensive or takes us on a trip, I worry that people assume I鈥檓 taking advantage of her. Even some of my friends make comments like, 鈥淵ou鈥檝e hit the jackpot,鈥� as if I鈥檓 dating her for financial security. It鈥檚 frustrating because I genuinely love her, and I鈥檓 working hard to build my own business.

The situation has forced me to become more confident in myself. I can鈥檛 control what people think, but I know the woman I love, and she鈥檇 never think so lowly of me. As long as we continue to respect each other, outside opinions don鈥檛 matter to me.

Married Nigerians Get Honest About Their First Years Together

Victor* (43) thought he鈥檇 found the woman he would spend the rest of his life with.听 Then a devastating accident changed everything. Years later, his second chance at love ended just as painfully.听

In this episode of On the Streets, he opens up about his dating history and why he鈥檚 made peace with walking through life alone.

What’s your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?

I’m separated from my wife, so I’m single. It isn鈥檛 the life I imagined, but I’ve made peace with it.

How did you get here? Walk me through your dating history

The first woman I truly loved was someone I met at university. I met Anita* during my third year in 2010. She was a first-year student who was always  around her cousin, one of my close friends.

I developed a crush on her almost immediately, but I didn’t confess my feelings until she got to her second year. We started dating in 2011.

I’ve never met anyone I was more compatible with. It was a beautiful relationship. We understood each other, had similar personalities and hardly fought.

About nine months into the relationship, we started talking seriously about marriage. We both wanted it, but the timing wasn’t right.

Her parents wanted her to finish university first. By the time she graduated in 2015, I’d started my master’s degree and couldn鈥檛 afford a wedding yet. The plan was to marry after I completed my programme.

Unfortunately, life had other plans.

What happened?

In September 2015, Anita was crossing an expressway when a driver going against the traffic hit her and sped off. I didn鈥檛 even know anything had happened until I called her that evening. Someone else answered her phone and told me she was unconscious in the hospital.

I’ll never forget walking into that ward and seeing her lying there with tubes and machines. After several scans, the doctors told us she’d suffered a severe spinal injury.

I’m so sorry. Did she recover?

She was unconscious for two days. When she finally woke up, she couldn’t move anything below her neck. She kept saying she couldn’t feel her body. We all broke down in tears.

After about five weeks in the hospital, the doctors said there wasn’t much more they could do. They hoped physiotherapy would help, but there were no guarantees.

How did the accident affect your relationship?

She became a different person. The cheerful woman I knew disappeared. She cried often and was angry most of the time.

Whenever I tried to encourage her, she’d say I  didn鈥檛 understand what she was going through. We started arguing, even while she was still in the hospital.

Eventually, her mum took her back to the east because they believed she’d receive better care there.

Right. Did long distance work?

We tried. At first, we spoke every day, then she started withdrawing.

Sometimes she’d deliberately ignore my calls or ask her mum to say she wasn’t in the mood to speak.

I visited her that December. I wanted to help with things, but she’d get angry whenever I tried. She pushed me away every chance she got. I’d planned to stay for a week, but I left after four days.

After that trip, I promised I’d visit again, but I kept putting it off. Seeing her in that condition was heartbreaking, and the hostility made the thought of visiting emotionally exhausting.

For more than a year, we stayed together, but the relationship was barely surviving. Some days she’d sound hopeful, and we’d have good conversations. Other days, she’d shut me out.

Then I finished my master’s in 2017, and we had to confront the future we鈥檇 spent years planning.

Was marriage still on the table?

Honestly, I wasn’t sure anymore. I still loved her, but I also felt overwhelmed. I think she sensed it.

One day, she brought up the conversation herself.

She asked if we should break up because she couldn’t see the point of marriage in her condition. We argued, then she asked me what plans I was making for our future.

When I couldn’t give her a concrete answer, she said she didn’t want someone marrying her out of pity. She wasn’t in the right headspace for marriage. Then she ended the relationship.

How did you take the breakup?

It hurt, especially because she didn’t even want us to stay friends or keep in touch.

But alongside the heartbreak, I also felt relief. And that鈥檚 the part I鈥檝e struggled to forgive myself for. I could’ve fought harder for the relationship. Instead, I chose the easier path.

Around the same time, the university offered me a lecturing position after my master’s, so I buried myself in work.

Did you ever fall in love again?

Not for years.  I avoided serious relationships because I convinced myself Anita was the one for me. I didn’t want to risk getting my heart broken again.

That was until I met Godiya* in 2021. I spotted her from behind while having lunch at a canteen because I thought she was someone I knew. When she turned around, I’d mistaken her for someone else.

I apologised, but we ended up talking. She was a master’s student in another faculty, and from that first conversation, I was drawn to how warm and charismatic she was. I initially intended to keep things casual, but before long, we started dating.

After she completed her programme, she relocated to Abuja. We continued long distance, and I proposed soon afterwards. 

We got married in 2022.

What was married life like?

It started well, but it didn’t take long before I noticed things I’d overlooked while we were dating.

Godiya always wanted things done her way. She was quite selfish, and I constantly found myself adjusting to keep the peace.

We met while I was lecturing in Niger State, but after the wedding, she refused to move there. She wanted me to transfer to Abuja instead. I agreed to relocate eventually, but every transfer opportunity fell through.

It became such an issue that both our families got involved. Eventually, they persuaded her to move to Niger.

Did things improve after that?

Not really. She never made any effort to settle in Niger. She didn’t look for a job, so everything fell on me.

I even set up a business for her so she’d have something productive to do. She sold the first batch of stock, spent the money on other things and never continued the business.

I became increasingly frustrated. Some days, I’d stay late at the office because I’d rather be at work than go home. 

Less than a year into our marriage, she got pregnant.

Did that help your relationship?

I hoped it would. I thought becoming parents would bring us closer.

Instead, things got worse. She became even more irritable, and after our daughter was born, the tension only grew. Sometimes she’d speak to me with so much hostility that I’d wonder what I’d done to deserve so much resentment.

Eventually, she told me she’d found a job in Abuja and wanted to move back. I was reluctant to let her leave because of our daughter, but I convinced myself the distance might help us. So I agreed.

Did it help?

The distance finished what was left of our marriage. She rarely visited and always had reasons why I couldn’t come to Abuja. Even when I managed to visit, she’d ask how long I planned to stay. I barely got to spend time with my daughter.

At some point, it stopped feeling like a marriage. We’ve practically been separated since 2024, so I wasn’t surprised when she asked for a divorce last year. The process is still ongoing, but emotionally, I’ve accepted that the marriage is over.

I also heard rumours that Godiya was in a serious relationship with another man. I’ve always suspected she’d been involved with him before our marriage ended, although she never felt she owed me an explanation.

Have you been able to move on?

In a way. Earlier this year, I started seeing a colleague. Once she started talking about marriage and our future together, I realised I wasn’t ready for that.

After everything I’d been through, I can’t imagine getting married again.

How have these experiences shaped the way you see love and relationships?

Marriage doesn’t fix incompatibility. If two people aren’t truly aligned, getting married won’t change that.

I’ve also learnt that you can do everything possible to make someone happy, compromise your own needs and keep trying. But if their mind is off, nothing you do will ever be enough.

Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate them on a scale of 1 to 10.

8/10. Ironically, this has been the most peaceful period of my adult life.

My career is thriving. I’ve earned my doctorate, and my next goal is to become a professor before I turn 50.听 That’s where all my energy is going now.

The only thing that still hurts is being away from my daughter. Once everything is finalised, I hope to get her back. I want her to know that her father has never stopped caring about her.

Read Next: Married Nigerians Get Honest About Their First Years Together

Growing up, Morenikeji* (29) adored her older brother, Ayo* (33). He was smart, responsible and constantly held up as the example to follow. 

Then, in December 2025, one conversation changed everything.

For Sunken Ships, she shares how a political disagreement shattered the respect she鈥檇 spent a lifetime building with her brother, and why he now feels like a stranger.

What was your relationship with your brother like growing up?

It was great. He鈥檚 the oldest, so my younger brother and I always looked up to him. 

He was the best of us academically, and my parents constantly used him as the standard we should aspire to. Beyond being my older brother, I genuinely liked him as a person.

What made you two so close? 

We鈥檙e similar and share a love for music, movies and the arts. There was nothing I couldn鈥檛 talk to him about. We’d discuss work, relationships, family issues and our plans for the future. If I were ever in trouble, he would be the first person I鈥檇 reach out to for help. Ayo was one of the few people whose opinion I genuinely valued. 

Did you ever disagree with him?

Of course. We fought as most siblings do, but it was never serious. 

But our most recent disagreement is the worst we鈥檝e ever had. And honestly, I don鈥檛 know if we鈥檒l recover from it.

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What happened?

We fell out over our political differences. I know it sounds strange that something like that could upturn the bond we share as siblings, but that鈥檚 just how I feel.

 I didn鈥檛 vote in the 2023 elections because I simply didn鈥檛 care.

Since then, I鈥檝e learnt my lessons. Nigeria has shown me proper shege, and I鈥檝e been forced to become more politically conscious. I鈥檝e encouraged the people around me to care, too, and I鈥檝e reached a point where most of them share my concerns and frustrations.

I鈥檇 naturally assumed my brother would follow suit. I couldn鈥檛 have been more wrong.  

What do you mean?

My biggest gripe is his support of the APC. After I developed an interest in politics, I aligned myself with a party that actually cares about effecting change. And I encouraged my family and friends to support the same party. 

But not my brother. Not only was he hell-bent on keeping his support for a party that鈥檚 gotten us to our current state, but he also took glee in defending some of the worst tribalist takes imaginable. 

Doesn’t he have the right to his own political choice, or did you at least ask his reasons?

I did. We were both home for Christmas in December 2025, so I pulled him aside to talk.

I couldn鈥檛 reconcile the brother I鈥檇 admired all my life with someone willing to support people I believe are dishonest. Then he explained himself.  He said he didn鈥檛 want to antagonise powerful people he hoped to connect with someday.

What did you think of his reason?

The explanation made absolutely no sense, and it completely changed how I saw him. I鈥檇 always held him in high regard, yet, in that moment, I realised he was willing to overlook everything the party represents as long as he benefited. 

I lost all respect for him that day.

Yikes. Did you express your disappointment, though?

In a way, I did. I tried to change his mind. I supported my argument against the party with examples of just how bad things have gotten in the country. But the more we argued, the more things escalated. 

I tagged him disappointing and greedy. He called me naive and foolish, especially for thinking my 鈥榖ig English鈥� could change reality. 

And that was when I landed the final blow. I regret my actions, but it was necessary.

What did you do?

He鈥檚 always been insecure about his financial situation. He has a job, but the economy hasn鈥檛 been kind to him, just like the rest of us. So I told him that his continued support for the party wouldn鈥檛 guarantee his success in life or make him rich. I saw the hurt spread across his face immediately. Part of me wishes I hadn鈥檛 said those words.  

Did you try to apologise?

Not in that moment, I didn鈥檛 feel the need to. But every time I replay the scenario, I wish I could cut that part out.

And how have things been since then?

We鈥檝e barely spoken. I avoid him because I don鈥檛 trust myself not to say something worse.

I even unfollowed him everywhere because seeing him defend that party online only makes me angrier. Our relationship has changed for the worse.

What does the rest of your family think of this?

They all insist I鈥檓 overreacting. My parents especially keep saying politics shouldn鈥檛 come between family. But that鈥檚 not how I see it. 

To me, this isn鈥檛 just about politics. It鈥檚 about values. I鈥檓 scared of what my brother would do if he ever had access to real power.  

Has he reached out to you since your fight?

No. And I haven鈥檛 reached out either. Right now, the distance between us is for the best.

 I don鈥檛 see a future where things return to how they used to be, unless there鈥檚 a fundamental change. I鈥檓 too disappointed by what he stands for.  

What鈥檚 the hardest part about this fight with your brother?

Missing him. Ayo isn鈥檛 just my brother; we used to be friends. I wish we were still on the same page.