On the Streets is a 快猫视频 weekly series about the chaos of modern dating: from situationships and endless talking stages, to heartbreak and everything it means to be single in today鈥檚 world.
Trigger Warning: Domestic Abuse
After years of financial control and abuse in her marriage, Faith* (38) walked away, knowing it would cost her the right to remain in the UK.
In this episode of On the Streets, she shares how she rebuilt her life as a single mother and found unexpected support in another man.
What鈥檚 your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?
I鈥檓 single and not searching. I鈥檝e had many ups and downs with relationships, and right now, being alone feels like the healthiest choice.
How did you get here? Walk me through your dating history.
My first serious relationship was in 2013, just around the same time I was wrapping up in university.
I started dating Yomi*, someone I鈥檇 known through church for years. We鈥檇 grown up around each other but only became close as adults.
He was a really nice guy and easy to be around. The only problem was his family. Our mothers attended the same church and already had issues with each other. Somehow, that friction spilled into our relationship.
His mum frequently accused me of being rude or badly behaved. Despite the tension, Yomi and I tried to hold on, but the constant family drama chipped away at our relationship.
Was that what eventually ended it?
Not exactly. Less than a year into our relationship, I found out he鈥檇 been cheating on me with another girl from our church. I never saw it coming.
I鈥檓 not sure why he cheated, but I felt his family constantly whispering in his ears made it easier for the relationship to fall apart. Whatever the case, I couldn鈥檛 forgive him, so we broke up.
I was still nursing the heartbreak when I met David*.
Tell me about David
He was a family friend. His aunt lived around our area, and my mum often talked about him because she felt sorry for everything he鈥檇 been through.
A few years earlier, David had lost his mum to cancer. She鈥檇 practically raised him alone, so losing her completely changed his life. He was the last child and had to move in with his aunt.
We were around the same age and became friends. David was jovial and fun to be around. Being around him pulled me out of my sadness. Before long, I developed feelings for him.
We started dating in 2015, and within months, he asked if I鈥檇 marry him.
That was fast. Were you ready?
At the time, I thought I was. I grew up in a traditional family and had always wanted to marry young. When David proposed, my parents were thrilled.
I thought he was the perfect guy. After my experience with Yomi鈥檚 family, I also liked that there didn鈥檛 seem to be any family drama attached to him.
We got married in October 2016.
Tell me about the early years of your marriage. What were they like?
I quickly realised there were things about David I hadn’t known while we were dating.
The biggest shock was discovering how much David lied. He’d exaggerated his financial situation and told me his parents had left certain things behind for him, but much of it turned out to be a charade.
He was an engineer, but he didn’t have a stable job. He survived on small jobs here and there, which was very different from the impression he’d given me while we were dating. Whenever I questioned the inconsistencies, he became defensive.
His excuse was that he planned to relocate, so there was no point in committing to a permanent job.
In 2017, he finally got an opportunity to move to the UK. Around the same time, I found out I was pregnant.
How did you feel about him leaving while you were pregnant?
I wanted him to wait. I was about three months pregnant and didn鈥檛 want to go through it alone. But David refused. During one of our arguments, he slapped me.
What?
He鈥檇 never been violent before. I was shocked. He apologised almost immediately, and I convinced myself it was a one-off incident.
I had no idea it was the first glimpse of the man he鈥檇 become. He left for the UK later that year.
How did your relationship cope with the distance?
We spoke regularly, but that didn鈥檛 make the pregnancy easier. I had fibroids, which made both the pregnancy and the birth of our son. It hurt that he wasn’t there to support me through any of it.
Before relocating, David had sold almost everything we owned to fund his move. With nowhere else to go, I moved back in with my parents.
I started teaching so I could contribute financially, but I was unhappy. I was married, yet I was living with my parents and raising our baby alone.
Once David settled in the UK, he started the process for my son and me to join him as his dependants. Even then, he claimed he couldn’t afford our visas and plane tickets, so my parents paid for everything. That鈥檚 how my son and I joined him in the UK in early 2019.
Did things improve after you reunited?
Not really. Almost as soon as I arrived, David wanted me to start working. He didn鈥檛 care that our son was still a baby. Most days, I left him with a Nigerian couple who had helped David when he first arrived in the UK.
David found me a job at a local restaurant, and I started working almost immediately. That鈥檚 when he suddenly announced that things were different abroad. He said we had to split the expenses 50-50.
Unfortunately, my salary went into his account because I’d used his bank details when I started the job. So while he talked about equality, I didn’t even have control of my own half. Anytime I needed money, I had to explain what it was for before he鈥檇 release it. I hated being so dependent on him.
Then the pandemic hit in 2020. David鈥檚 salary was cut during the lockdown, which added to our issues. We fought constantly, and I saw more of the man he鈥檇 hidden before we got married.
I鈥檓 sorry. Did things get better?
They only did after I got a better-paying caregiving job through a family connection in 2021. This time, I made sure my salary went into my own account.
David was upset. Even though I still contributed half of the household expenses, he complained that I wasn鈥檛 giving enough. He even reported me to someone in our community, hoping they’d convince me to hand over more of my salary. Instead, the person told him it was my money and that contributing half was fair.
I think losing control over my money made him angry. He’d ignore me for days at a time. Around that period, I discovered he was having an affair.
How did you find out?
I found messages on his phone. When I confronted him, he said we鈥檇 only had one child, and since I hadn鈥檛 gotten pregnant again despite trying, he decided to look out. For a while, his words made me feel guilty, as though I was responsible for his cheating.
I also think our financial situation affected his self-esteem. He became obsessed with impressing people and maintaining a lifestyle we couldn’t afford. He’d brag to his friends about things when I knew the reality of our finances. At one point, he got a car he couldn’t keep up the repayments on, and it was eventually repossessed.
Whenever I tried to talk to him, he’d lash out. Eventually, he became physically violent again.
Hmmm
My cousin’s daughter came to the UK from Nigeria and needed somewhere to stay, so I allowed her to stay with us temporarily. David was furious. She was only with us for three weeks, but he made her extremely uncomfortable. He’d deliberately hide groceries and food so she couldn’t eat.
After she left, I confronted him. David took out his belt and beat me.
I鈥檓 sorry. Why did you stay after that?
I didn鈥檛 have a choice. My immigration status depended on him, and I couldn鈥檛 afford to leave without our child.
I also come from a traditional family where divorce isn’t considered an option. Whenever I spoke to my family, they told me to endure.
But David kept getting worse. He stopped going to church and spent more time drinking with his friends and wasting what little money he earned. By then, whatever love I had for him was gone. We were living like housemates.
By 2023, I reached my limit.
I got an opportunity for a better job and made the mistake of telling David. He went behind my back and interfered with the recruitment process, claiming it was for family reasons. Eventually, the opportunity fell through.
When I found out, I was furious. We got into an argument, and he slammed my head against the wall so hard that my ear and nose started bleeding.
It happened in front of our son. He burst into tears and begged his father to stop hurting me. Instead, David turned and started beating him, too.
I couldn’t take that. I called the police, and David was arrested.
Watching him attack our son made my decision for me. I couldn鈥檛 raise a child in a home where violence was normal.
During the attack, David had also grabbed my neck and threatened to kill me. I believed he was capable of doing it. I knew he wouldn’t be detained for long, and I feared for my life.
I had a friend in another city who’d been encouraging me to leave. I packed my things, moved in with her and filed for divorce.
How did David react?
At first, he threatened me. Then he begged. He involved people from our church and members of my family, hoping they’d convince me to return. But my mind was made up.
Once he realised I鈥檇 left for good, he reported our separation to the Home Office because my immigration status was tied to him.
Then he started fighting me for custody. He argued that if I lost my right to remain in the UK and returned to Nigeria, my son would have a worse life and that I’d subject him to child labour.
He took the matter to court, but he hadn’t considered the evidence of domestic violence. I got a lawyer involved, and we were in and out of court for months. My son was also interviewed separately and admitted that he was afraid of his father.
Eventually, the case worked in my favour. I received a five-year visa and was finally free from David.
I鈥檓 glad. What did starting over look like?
Even though I’d won, my life didn’t feel like it. I’d stopped working during that period and exhausted my savings on legal fees. I had almost nothing left.
The friend I was staying with had her own responsibilities and couldn’t accommodate my son and me indefinitely. I was almost stranded and even considered giving up and returning to Nigeria.
That was when I met George*. He was an older Nigerian man in our church community. When he heard I needed somewhere to stay, he offered my son and me a place in his home.
We started as friends, but over time, we got intimate. About seven months later, I found out I was pregnant.
Oh. How did you both react to the pregnancy?
I wasn’t sure I wanted to keep the pregnancy, but George was happy.
Eventually, I also decided to accept the pregnancy and move forward. We grew closer during that period, but I still wouldn鈥檛 describe us as a romantic couple. I was emotionally exhausted and had no interest in dating or marriage. George never pushed for marriage either.
Right. So, what happened after you had the baby?
Shortly after I had my daughter in 2024, I moved into my own place.
George and I agreed to co-parent. He鈥檚 an active father and provides for our daughter, but that鈥檚 where our relationship ends. He’s even dating someone else now.
Have you considered dating again?
I haven’t even entertained the thought. Right now, I want to make money and give my children the most comfortable life I can.
I’m finally in a good place. Why would I want to ruin it?
Fair enough. How have these experiences shaped the way you think about love and relationships?
The most important thing I’ve learnt is that people will always talk.
One reason I stayed in my marriage for so long was fear. I worried people would say I’d moved abroad only to get divorced. Eventually, the divorce happened, and people still talked. Even those who knew I鈥檇 survived abuse spread rumours that I鈥檇 left my marriage for George. I’ve stopped caring, and my life is so much better for it.
I’ve also learnt that staying isn’t always what鈥檚 best for your children.
My son recently told me he no longer wants to bear his father’s name because his father is a bad person. That broke my heart because I hadn’t realised how much he remembered. I hope that time helps him heal.
Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate them on a scale of 1 to 10.
10/10. I love being single. Being a single mum has its challenges, but I feel happier and better off than I ever did while I was married.
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